Month: May 2019

The Difference between Confidence and Arrogance

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Arrogance and self-awareness seldom go hand in hand.” – M, Casino Royale

You probably wanna be confident, and for people to see you that way. But you don’t want to be or come across as arrogant. Nevertheless, while striving for confidence, it’s easy to slip into arrogance, and thus get a negative reputation instead of a positive one.

This is why a discussion about the difference between confidence and arrogance makes sense. In it, I’ll be drawing from my know-how in psychology, as well as my 8+ years of experience as a confidence and communication coach.

Right from the start, I wanna state that there is no clear distinction between confidence and arrogance. These two traits run on a continuum, and to some extent, where one ends and the other begins is a matter of personal opinion. What one person may see as confident, another may see as arrogant.

However, there are patterns of social behavior that will be seen by most people as confident, and patterns that will usually be seen as arrogant. In order to understand them, it’s best to first get a good idea of the distinct mental foundations of confidence and arrogance.

The Confident Mindset vs. the Arrogant Mindset

Confident people typically operate from a very different psychological mindset than arrogant people. By understanding their mindsets, it’s much easier to tell them apart.

Confident people tend to see themselves as unique, capable and likable individuals, which gives them the courage to be outgoing and put themselves out there authentically. But they also know they have flaws, and they can be okay with them. They also know some people will simply not like them, and they can accept that too.

Arrogant people on the other hand, tend to see themselves not just as able, but as perfect. They think they are superior to everyone else, everybody should like them, and they deserve special treatment, all the time. It’s an exaggerated mindset, which leads to exaggerated social behavior.

Behind this self-image of perfection, deep down, arrogant people are often quite insecure. Many lack self-esteem or have an inferiority complex. So acting as if they’re perfect and deserve special treatment is just an attempt to get attention and social validation, in order to compensate for their feelings of inadequacy.

If you see yourself even partially in the arrogant mindset, I recommend you check out this special presentation, in which I’ll show you how you can shift your mindset effectively and build solid social confidence, using my own tried & tested method.

Based on these two distinct mindsets, you can deduce some of the differences between confidence and arrogance yourself, as they manifest in people’s behavior.

To visibly enrich the picture though, I will add my own practical conclusions.

The Behavioral Difference between Confidence and Arrogance

Here are some of the 7 key ways confident people and arrogant people typically behave differently:

  • Confident people are generally friendly and willing to talk to a variety of people.
  • Arrogant people are much more selective regarding who they talk to, often based on surface traits such as looks, clothing, or status symbols.
  • Confident people are talkative and they like to share themselves, but they’re also good listeners and they like to get to know others.
  • Arrogant people like to talk constantly in conversation, and they rarely care to listen. For them, conversation is all about them.
  • Confident people disclose themselves wholeheartedly. They talk about the good and the bad about themselves.
  • Arrogant people actively hide their flaws, but they constantly bring up their accomplishments, often embellishing them. They don’t so much talk, as brag.
  • Confident people compliment and appreciate others, but they can also give them a negative feedback when useful, or tease them playfully.
  • Arrogant people only do the negative part. They frequently judge, criticize, mock or put others down, whether present or absent, so they can feel superior.
  • Confident people ask for help, but they also give help back. Their relationships run on fair, reciprocal support.
  • Arrogant people demand, take, take some more, and even expect to be given without asking, but they rarely give back. They see their mere presence as sufficient reward.
  • Confident people are honest and they keep their promises. They often feel remorse when they hurt others and they try to show it.
  • Arrogant people lie, manipulate, break their promises and make excuses. They rarely apologize when hurting others, as they never see it as their fault.
  • Confident people have an assured but relaxed and open body language in social settings, most of the time.
  • Arrogant people have a body language that’s typically inflated, meant to convey superiority and dominance. A slightly raised chin is like their trademark sign.

Taken together, all these differences in behavior between confident and arrogant people form two very distinct pictures. Pay attention to these differences, and you’ll be able to accurately tell apart arrogance from confidence.

If you believe you’re on the arrogant side, you can work on deliberately changing your behavior following the list above, to lean more towards the confident side.

Keep in mind though, that your behavior is ultimately a result of your feelings and mindset. So, by far the best way to be able to regularly act like a confident person is to actually be a confident person on the inside.

Becoming this person means overcoming deep personal insecurities and acquiring the right mindset, at both a conscious and subconscious level. This is a whole process and it will take some work, but it is well worth doing.

To help you take the right steps in this confidence gaining process, I’ve created this instructional video, which I recommend you watch right now.

In this video I will show my step by step method to change your mindset and build a strong level of social confidence, which others around you will plainly be able to notice. This method has helped hundreds of people I’ve coached privately, and I’m certain it will help you as well.

Confidence is a great trait to have, but when it slips into arrogance, it become toxic. That’s why it’s essential to stay on the right path.

For more practical advice on confidence and communication from me, please join my free newsletter.

Use Questions to Change Your Mindset – Part 1

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One of the major differences between people and their outlook on life is the questions that they consistently ask themselves. If this seems like a strange observation, it may be that you have been underestimating the power of questions to change your mindset.

Questions have the ability to change our focus in an instant. Asking the right questions can change our mindset from a limiting one to an empowering one. Our personal view of reality hinges on what we focus on and questions are one of the fastest ways to shift to a more empowering and resourceful mindset.

Incentive, direction and focus

We are all in the habit of asking ourselves questions every day, most of the time were not even aware of their effect. Our minds love it when we ask ourselves questions. Questions provide the mind with incentive, direction and focus. As soon as we ask a question, our mind immediately begins searching for an answer. If we don’t like the answers that we are getting, it probably has a lot to do with the questions we are asking.

Questions have a dramatic effect on everything we do in life. They determine our abilities, the quality of our relationships and our income. By asking the right questions we can shift to a more empowering mindset and find the answers needed to change any aspect of our life.

So what are the right questions for a mindset shift?

Questions that cause us to focus on possibilities and solutions are the ones that empower us by shifting our mindset. The problem is, we can easily slip into the habit of asking ourselves questions that are limiting, or even mentally and emotionally disabling.

Whatever we focus on the most will eventually become our reality. By training ourselves to consciously ask empowering questions, regardless of our circumstances, we will direct our mindset to continually focus on new possibilities and solutions. This is exactly the kind of focus that enhances our personal growth and development.

Choosing to ask empowering questions

Now let’s look at a couple of situations that could arise and notice how asking different types of questions can radically alter our mental disposition and mindset.

Let’s say it’s Wednesday morning and the alarm just went off, what’s the first question you ask yourself? If you say, “Why do I have to go to work today?” how is that going to affect your attitude? If you say “Why do I feel so tired and run down?” how is that going to affect your energy levels? With those two simple questions you have set yourself up for a disappointing day. Why? Because now your mind is focused on finding reasons why you’re tired and have to do something you don’t want to do like go to work.

What if the first two questions you asked yourself were, “What do I have to look forward to today, and what am I most grateful for right now?” Even if you don’t have the immediate answers to those questions, this positive mindset will focus your attention on finding the answers. Ask yourself those questions a few times and notice how the answers make you feel. All of a sudden you have something to look forward to and something to be grateful for. How will that kind of mindset affect your day?

Here’s another situation

If someone makes a thoughtless comment to you, what’s the first question you ask yourself? If you ask, “Why don’t they like me?” how will that make you feel? Probably pretty bad, because now your mindset is looking for reasons why people don’t like you and the answers aren’t likely to be very encouraging.

But what if your response was, “I wonder what I can do to help them feel better?” As your mind searches for the answers to that question you’re going to be focused on positive things, because you’re looking for a way to help someone else.

As you can plainly see, asking the right questions can quickly shift your mindset in a very positive direction. The challenge is that most of us are on automatic pilot. Most of the time we fail to take conscious control of the questions we ask ourselves. As a result, we can inadvertently adopt a less than empowering mindset.

In the next article we will look at some exercises we can do to train ourselves to consistently ask empowering questions. For now, try working with your morning questions and notice how it affects the rest of your day.

Do you think your questions have power?
Do you agree with the question-mindset connection?
Share your thoughts on facebook or google+

This is part 1 in a series of 3 articles about Using Questions to Change Your Mindset.
For the rest of the story visit…
Use questions to Change your Mindset – Part 2
Use questions to Change your Mindset – Part 3

If you enjoyed this article consider email updates!

The post Use Questions to Change Your Mindset – Part 1 appeared first on Advanced Life Skills.

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Top 100 Personal Development Blogs 2019

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Best Self-Help Websites

The official Top 100 Personal Development Blogs is back!

Damn, I love this time of year. It’s all about setting your year up for massive success and what better way of doing that then presenting you with the best personal development blogs for 2019. In fact, we bring you the Top 100!

This is the fifth year that we have compiled the Top 100 personal development blogs and every year we see more and more blogs adding great value to people all around the world.

I must say, because of all the awesome value that everyone is putting out there on the internet, it is getting harder and harder for personal development bloggers to make this list. So if you have made the list of the Top 100 personal development blogs this year then I, and everyone else, give you HUGE congratulations!

But firstly, I hope you had an absolutely fantastic night to bring in 2019. Sylvia and I had relatively quiet one with our two daughters.

Now, more than ever, is the perfect time to regain focus on what you truly want in life and ensure you have the strategies and support you need to be successful at it too. The turn of the New Year gives us a clear time to separate the past and move forward into the future.

That’s why I love this time of year. It’s the perfect time for creating new habits, setting your goals and making real change in your life.

Being a student of the personal development industry most of my life, I’m always on the lookout for the latest and greatest resources to not only implement into my own life but to also share with those around me. Since I’ve been running my own business I’ve fallen more and more into the well of personal development and self-improvement and I absolutely love it! With the internet now a common place for everyone and the ‘free economy’ being born, it’s amazing to know that what was once hidden from the majority of people and limited to a select few people paying $5,000 to access information at a weekend seminar, this information is now mostly widely available for free on the internet or at least at a much more affordable price.

The key to all this information is being able to pull what’s relevant for you and being able to apply that information in a systematic and successful way that will lead you towards your desired life.

The Best Personal Development Blogs for 2019

I feel honoured to know that over the last few years I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know a lot of the blog owners in this list and share some great experiences with them. But not only that, there are so many of you making an impact in this world through your personal development blogs I can certainly say that after sifting through each and every self-improvement blog, I’m highly impressed with everyone’s work!

It is somewhat tricky putting together a list of the Top 100 personal development blogs as it can be rather subjective in nature. To avoid this, I’ve removed any of my own opinions or judgements and let pure metrics do the talking.

As with previous years, what I have created is a list of personal development blogs that rank from the most trafficked (largest number of visitors) down to the least trafficked. This list will provide you with a clear indication of how large a website is and its relative importance in the personal development blogosphere. Keep in mind, even though the blogs towards the bottom are the ‘least trafficked’, they are still within the Top 100 out of hundreds and thousands of personal development blogs out there on the internet (if not more!).

One thing to keep in mind, however, is that a larger site (a site ranked towards the top) does not necessarily indicate that the site is of better quality. Generally speaking, you will find that the larger sites have been around for longer and have more blog posts and content being crawled by Google. Because of this, they are sure to have larger audiences. In saying that, however, the top sites have lasted the test of time and continue to have strong readership so they must be doing something right!

Also, we do have a number of new blogs now ranking in the Top 100 that only started a year or two ago… massive congrats to these high achievers!

One thing to add, it always makes me smile when I see other people creating Top Personal Development Blog lists… because they’re almost an exact copy of this list! Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right? This is the fifth year our official list has been compiled and we continue to make it more comprehensive each year.

[sociallocker id=”5127″]http://www.startofhappiness.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Top-100-Personal-Development-Blogs-2016.pdf [/sociallocker]

How to Use This List

This is YOUR LIST.

This is a resource that I encourage you to save and come back to on a regular basis. As we progress throughout the year we all face different challenges and often those challenges have already been faced by others elsewhere in the world. That’s when I suggest you return to this list and find the right blog to guide you.

Each personal development blog is unique and has its own style and purpose. You will also find that you will resonate strongly with some blog owners and their content and perhaps less so with others. For this reason, there is a wide variety of blogs on the list; including business, career and work, happiness, health, productivity and more. The one thing in common is that they all are themed around self-improvement.

My recommendation to you is to browse through each of the blogs below at least once and then pick out the two or three blogs that really resonate with you.

Think about the below questions as you sift through each blog:

  • Which blogs are most closely aligned to what you want to achieve in life?
  • Which author has accomplished something that you would like to accomplish?
  • Which blogs can help you right now in life and which ones might help you in the future?

Be sure to subscribe to their content and make personal development a key focus for you this year. It’s like having a free mentor or coach.

How The Top 100 Personal Development Blogs are Ranked

The Top 100 Personal Development Blogs are ranked in order from the most-trafficked (largest number of visitors) to the least-trafficked (although the smallest in this case is still a Top 100 Blog!)

There are two primary tools that have been used for determining this ranking.

Firstly, I have used the Alexa rank of the website as the primary ranking method. Alexa provides a relative ranking of each website based on the number of visitors it receives. A rank of 100,000 would mean that the site is the 100,000th most visited site on the internet. With the millions and millions of websites on the internet, such a ranking is classified as pretty good! Just so you know, Google’s rank is #1, Facebook is ranked #2 and YouTube is ranked #3.

Secondly, I have included Similar Web Rank. Similar Web is another online tool that was mentioned to me on a number of occasions as a more accurate tool for determining website traffic. Interestingly, I found that when compiling this list, the Alexa and Similar Web rankings were almost perfectly correlated.

This then led to the Average Rank. The Average Ranks is simply the average between the Alexa and Similar Web ranks.

People often question the validity of such tools, however, when comparing more generally the relative size of a website they are quite accurate and very useful indicators. Other tools might indicate that a lower-ranked blog in our Top 100 is infact larger than a higher-ranked blog, but generally speaking, the Top 10 websites will always be larger than those ranked 10-20, and those ranked 10-20 will always be larger than those ranked 20-30 etc. To sum it up, the larger and more trafficked sites will always tend to be ranked higher regardless of the tool being used.

Do you want to get really funky with the Top 100 blogs? I’m pleased to let you know that the Top 100 table is dynamic. This means that you can search for your favourite blog to see where it is ranked and sort by any column, such as page rank or alphabetical order. This is your list. Have fun with it!

The Winners

CONGRATULATIONS to every blogger that has made this Top 100 list! I personally give you a high-five and want to thank you for your contribution to this world.

If your blog is one of the Top 100, you have the honour of displaying the following badge on your site. This is the most comprehensive list of personal development blogs on the internet and I’m honoured to have you as part of this! Simply use the code provided below to add it to your site.

best-personal-development-blog

Use the below code to display this badge proudly on your website. You deserve it!:

<a href=”http://www.startofhappiness.com/personal-development-blogs/”><img src=”http://www.startofhappiness.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/self-help-blog-badge.png”></img></a>

(you may need to replace the inverted commas – “” on your own site for the image to work).

[sociallocker id=”5127″]http://www.startofhappiness.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/Top-100-Personal-Development-Blogs-2017.pdf [/sociallocker]

 URLOwner’s NameAverage Rank
1Life HackLeon Ho2,711
2Elite DailyGerard Adams5,537
3GreatistDerek Flanzraich7,533
4The Art of ManlinessBrett McKay8,411
5Mind Body GreenJason Wachob9,139
6Brain PickingsMaria Popova13,634
7Tiny BuddhaLori Deschene19,733
8Four Hour Work WeekTim Ferriss20,349
9Darren DailyDarren Hardy26,838
10Mark MansonMark Manson32,634
11ZenHabitsLeo Babauta32,716
12Nerd FitnessSteve Kamb33,222
13I Will Teach You to be RichRamit Sethi35,668
14Good Men ProjectLisa Hickey38,679
15James ClearJames Clear38,891
16Chris KresserChris Kresser44,785
17Brian TracyBrian Tracy46,741
18The Positivity BlogHenrik Edberg46,999
19Michael Hyatt’s Intentional LeadershipMichael Hyatt51,190
20Keep Inspiring MeDarcie Connell54,724
21Marc and Angel Hack LifeMarc and Angel57,256
22Addicted 2 SuccessJoel Brown62,653
23Barking Up the Wrong TreeEric Barker63,529
24Pick the BrainErin Falconer63,562
25PsyBlogJeremy Dean63,651
26Becoming MinimalistJoshua Becker66,388
27Personal ExcellenceCelestine Chua71,088
28Live Bold and BloomBarrie Davenport75,411
29Steve PavlinaSteve Pavlina76,832
30Dumb Little ManJay White81,129
31Marie ForleoMarie Forleo81,511
32Science of PeopleVanessa Van Edwards86,010
33Derek SiversDerek Sivers94,278
34Scott H YoungScott Young98,734
35Robin SharmaRobin Sharma105,027
36Bold & DeterminedVictor Pride109,823
37Steven AitchisonSteven Aitchison113,562
38ActualizedLeo Gura118,510
39No Meat AtheleteMatt Frazier120,725
40Project Life MasteryStefan Pylarinos123,111
41Daring to Live FullyMarelisa Fábrega127,960
42Success ConcioscunessRemez Sasson129,706
43Asian EfficiencyAaron Lynn and Thanh Pam144,968
44The Charged LifeBrendon Burchard148,010
45The Happiness ProjectGretchen Rubin149,010
46Planet of SuccessSteve Mueller149,186
47Penelope TrunkPenelope Trunk154,381
48Robb WolfRobb Wolf161,217
49Be More With LessCourtney Carver161,838
50Write to DoneMary Jaksch164,678
51Jack CranfieldJack Cranfield174,067
52Ryan HolidayRyan Holiday175,494
53Motivation GridCris Nikolov179,217
54Skip PrichardSkip Prichard182,262
55Everday PowerNA182,510
56Live Your LegendChelsea Dinsmore186,276
57Develop Good HabitsSJ Scott188,505
58Purpose FairyLuminita D. Saviuc193,698
59Brain BloggerShaheen Lakhan219,615
60Location RebelSean Ogle222,510
61The Change BlogPeter Clemens223,890
62A Life of ProductivityChris Bailey229,010
63Life OptimizerDonald Latumahina241,956
64chrisguillebeau.comChris Guillebeau246,361
65Prolific LivingFarnoosh Brock264,661
66Louise HayLouise Hay267,510
67RaptitudeDavid Cain270,452
68InspiyrDan Cassidy288,581
69ProductivityistMike Vardy292,566
70Time Management NinjaCraig Jarrow294,576
71Deepak ChopraDeepak Chopra302,890
72FinerMindsAndrea Vega304,550
73Wake Up CloudHenri Junttila306,517
74The Urban MonkPedram Shojai 311,049
75Impossible HQJoel Runyon324,598
76Bullet Proof ExecDave Asprey333,105
77Start of HappinessBrendan Baker337,916
78Advanced Life SkillsJonathan Wells341,905
79Good Life ZenMary Jaksch344,124
80Paid to ExistJonathan Mead355,338
81Life Long LearnerScott Britton358,581
82TynanTynan358,758
83Aha-Now!Harleena Singh360,949
84Dr Wayne DyerDr Wayne Dyer375,193
85Think Simple NowTina Su376,587
86The Emotion MachineSteven Handel396,302
87Productivity 501Mark Shead400,515
88Just Be RealTheo Ellis455,859
89Jonathan FieldsJonathan Fields456,994
90Yoga DorkJennilyn Carson489,965
91Sid SavaraSid Savara499,024
92Alden TanAlden Tan518,551
93Run to the FinishAmanda Brooks522,118
94Your Life Your WayTia Sparkles534,462
95Basic GrowthSimon Somlai544,038
96Start Gaining MomentumLudvig Sunstrom581,294
97Positive WriterBryan Hutchinson604,348
98The Bridge MakerAlex Blackwell628,018
99Thoughts on Life and LoveMandy Kloppers632,524
100Deliberate ReceivingMelody Fletcher703,681

[sociallocker id=”5127″]http://www.startofhappiness.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/Top-100-Personal-Development-Blogs-2017.pdf [/sociallocker]

Now What?

The tools, strategies and support you need to live your best year ever are all here waiting for you. Now, it’s in your power to start living out your most inspired and desired life.

Only you can make the difference in your life this year. I give you full permission to make this your best year ever and apply what you need to from these blogs into your life.

If you need some instant motivation and inspiration, then make sure you check out the Top 100 Motivational & Inspirational Quotes for 2017.

If you want to get some actionable tools that you can implement into your life right now, make sure you access our Free Toolkit.

If you’re keen to make the Top 100 for next year, you might be interested in registering for my course: First 1000 Subscribers (currently open for enrollment but closing shortly).

Over to You!

Do you have a favourite blog on the list?

Which blogs do you find you get the most value from?

What other personal development resources do you use to live a better life?

I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!

Here’s to making 2019 your best year yet!

Brendan

P.S. Do you know of someone that would love to see this list? Please share this list using one of the buttons below. You’ll most likely make their day!

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Too Many Voices

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Written by Alden Tan

There’re too many voices today.

The comments on social media.

The angry yells from a protest.

The cries of the hurt.

The many texts you get.

The lies you were told.

The fingers pointing at you.

And so on.

But none can’t beat one.

Yours.

Just listen.

Just listen.

Just listen.

Sometimes it’s soft. I know.

But still.

Just listen.

Just listen.

Just listen.

It’s the only real one.

The post Too Many Voices appeared first on Alden-tan.com.