How To Stop Being Insecure And Second Guessing Yourself
You’re about to do something you don’t normally do. Right up until this moment, you could tell yourself everything would go smoothly (enough), and you wouldn’t regret the attempt. But now . . . you’re freaking out a little. Because the same fears that dogged you whenever you tried something similar in the past are […]
The post How To Stop Being Insecure And Second Guessing Yourself appeared first on Live Bold and Bloom.
Self-Love Isn’t Eating A Pizza And Going To Sleep
Written by Alden Tan
Nor is it drinking a beer for breakfast and enjoying that intoxication all morning.
Or putting aside your work to party hard for the rest of the night.
Or telling your boss to fuck off just because you hate your job.
Or abandoning everything like right now just to travel the world.
Or skipping your workout because you think you deserve a break.
Or going on a shopping spree to buy random shit you don’t need.
Self-love is not self-indulgence. Self-love is a discipline.
Oh, you could cheat once in (a very rare) while, but the minute you’re consistently using “self-love” as a bullshit excuse to indulge in unhealthy behavior, then you’re just kidding yourself.
Then you’re just killing yourself.
Love yourself instead by:
- Exercising and working out regularly.
- Taking actual breaks after doing actual work.
- Reading books so you can gain knowledge and learn cool shit.
- Meeting and talking to friends.
- Not making excuses for toxic friends anymore.
- Not intentionally putting yourself in a position where toxic people are around.
- Sleeping adequate hours.
- Focusing on one piece of entertainment only and not using your damn phone.
And so on.
Definitely, you can start to love others.
And they’ll love you back.
The post Self-Love Isn’t Eating A Pizza And Going To Sleep appeared first on Alden-tan.com.
Always Keep Your Humor Nearby And Apply, as Needed (Pssst…. It’s Always Needed!)
“Life is a joke. The only way to survive it is to find the right punchline.” – Becky Alunan A while back, it struck me just how important it is to have a sense of humor. My husband and I had looked forward (literally for months) to a particular event. When the big day finally arrived,…
7 Things You Should Only Treat As Means To An End
Written by Alden Tan
1) Money
I wrote to Ryan Holiday, one of my favorite authors once about how to balance doing what you love, creating art and doing work with money. Or to put it another way, how do you stop worrying about making money when you’re trying to do your best work.
He replied that it’s important to remember that money is merely a means to an end.
Now here lies the problem: Most people today treat money as the end.
That is why rich people are still capable of getting depressed. That is why some celebrities have killed themselves, most notably Robin Williams.
Remember, money can only buy pleasure, not joy. Work hard to make that money. Get some pleasure along the way, but remember to do what matters most to you or what you’re passionate about to constantly create new ends. Like for me, as a Bboy, I create joy for myself by consistently creating new movements and routines, while enjoying the music along the way. And we all know music is infinite.
2) Fame
Fame, the philandering partner of money is another pleasurable means that is understandably seductive.
You’ve fans who adore you. You’ve companies who want to pay you. You also get tons of free shit.
I am not famous, but I dare say that they come with side effects, such as toxic friends who start to use you, shallow relationships which refuse to weather the storm or immense stress from trying to stay relevant.
Face it, fame comes and go. Someone is only going to replace you and they’re probably younger.
Dig deep instead to do shit you love for yourself, not for others. That is the only way you’re only going to better yourself.
3) A job
Working is important, especially if you need to support those dependant on you.
But at the end of the day, your job does not identify you.
You’re more than the work you do on your desk, your paycheck, your boss’s comments or the promotion you just got.
There’re many amazing things you can do outside of your job. You just need to explore and apply yourself.
(If you love your job, good for you. But remember ultimately that you’re susceptible to it and not in full control. You may lose it one day.)
4) Virality
You went viral? Great!
But the work doesn’t stop there. Your supposed status of being an overnight sensation only means you’re going to wake up tomorrow and enjoy just a few moments of fame.
In today’s day and age, something or someone is going to replace you, and they don’t even have to try that hard because the stupidest shit can go viral for no apparent reason.
So whatever your goal is, continue to put in the work for consistency’s sake after you’ve capitalized on your viral thing.
5) Traveling the world
Meet all the cool people you want. Absorb the different cultures. Take up different lifestyles. Hell, show off to your friends how many stamps you’ve gotten on your passport.
It’s a cool deal, but eventually you’re going to have to settle down somewhere. Your body isn’t made out of rockets.
So where are you going to choose? And what are you going to do there for the rest of your life?
6) Partying and getting drunk
It’s an awesome feeling to get intoxicated and even high as you indulge in spontaneous happenings, but it simply does not last.
You’re going to realize the people you met at parties don’t all translate into meaningful relationships. You’re going to get tired from the noise and constant hangovers. Or worse, you may get addicted to alcohol or some shit.
Partying is the easiest way to have fun. You only need booze and money. But easy is never fulfilling. It is only when you push yourself and challenge yourself that you’ll feel a sense of achievement; that you’ll cherish what you gain.
7) Netflix and other dopamine-inducing activities
It’s sad, but how often have people simply concluded that they’ve had a falsely productive day because of these activities?
“I stayed in and watched Netflix the whole day.”
“How was my trip? I got a high a lot bro.”
“I laid in bed all day playing mobile games.”
And so on.
These should only be treated as breaks from doing actual work or forms of art. It’s absolutely not a life at all to want to constantly chill, relax or get high. That’s escaping from something.
As I wrote here, self-love is not self-indulgence. It’s a discipline. You discipline yourself with wholesome activities and shit.
Your life only ends when you die. To think that you’re all that or that you’re satisfied with one mere thing is only deluding yourself. Life changes, and so will you. Evolve and adapt.
The post 7 Things You Should Only Treat As Means To An End appeared first on Alden-tan.com.
31 Quotes About Toxic People That Are So Spot On
Do you have a toxic person in your life? Or maybe several toxic people who have a way of driving you insane? These difficult people can be manipulative, passive-aggressive, demanding, and even emotionally abusive. They make you doubt yourself and undermine your self-esteem, especially if you don’t create boundaries to protect your psyche from their […]
The post 31 Quotes About Toxic People That Are So Spot On appeared first on Live Bold and Bloom.
Asian Girls Answer Dating Questions [Girl talk] Ep1
What is your excellent variety of man? A good humorousness He must be fit i admire any person funny with a excellent humorousness Um My ideal sort of guy would be any one who’s working like myself He without doubt has to i wouldn’t say have a good body but he needs to be fit, …. Read More
Laura Eisenhower a Voice for #SRA Victims Tells All | Satanic Ritual Abuse Part 2
https://youtube.com/watch?v=18lK3-dNGIo In these days on fringe of wonder, we reward section 2 in our SRA sequence with our designated visitor being none other than our good buddy and whistleblower – Laura Eisenhower. Pay attention cautiously as she exposes circumstances of formality abuse, the mental state of SRA victims, forms of abuse and the way intellect …. Read More
Face your fears.
When life throws lemons at you make some lemonade! We can not be ready for what happens to us so we must do the best we can when things go wrong. As you are trying to figure out what is the best path to take at any given moment in time, remember to stand tall …. Read More
The Lost Art of Receiving
Giving to others is a popular topic in the how-to literature. But receiving is not nearly as popular. To me, this doesn’t do justice. After all, every time a person gives (whether a compliment, a piece of advice, a present or a helping hand), another one receives. And receiving properly is, despite appearances, as important and intricate as giving.
Although how you respond to a ‘gift’ you get is party regulated by specific cultural norms, there are also principles that rise above one individual culture or another. There is a subtle, universal art to receiving, which derives from fundamental aspects of human nature.
In this article, I’m gonna talk about this lost art and give you some practical advice on how to receive properly.
Always Show Appreciation towards the Intent
I like to think of giving as having two core elements:
- The intent of giving;
- The actual act of giving.
When someone gives me something, I find it useful two consider these two elements separately, and respond to them separately.
In my view, the person’s intent is virtually always positive. So, first and foremost, you always wanna show appreciation for the intent. It’s therefore astute to first respond to any act of giving by thanking the other person for their positive intention, by expressing your gratitude. Thus, you always start on a constructive note.
But what about the actual act of giving? How do you respond to it? That’s what my next point concerns.
Respond Authentically To Being Given
People often engage in games when they receive something. For instance, many folks believe they should always reject a gift at first, as a sign of courtesy, even if they like it, or even need it badly. “Oh, no, I can’t take it”, they say, and the other person must then insist.
Although cute, I rarely find this approach beneficial, nor do the people I coach on the topic of receiving. It’s dated.
If a person gives you something, they most likely enjoy doing so and it does not inconvenience them. So, plain authenticity is a much more helpful response than playing games. Thus, my advice is to respond genuinely from the get go, and simply accept what you are given.
Also, in the odd case when someone gives you something that happens to actually be a bad gift for you (like a pet cat if you have a major cat allergy), it’s okay to politely explain yourself and refuse the gift. The prior step of showing appreciation for the intent will smooth out your response significantly.
Say Something Positive and Specific about the Gift
This simple trick can turn receiving from a trite, predictable act, to a unique and memorable experience for both parties: when you receive something, take a few seconds to notice it and see what you like about it, or how specifically you might use it. Then make a comment in which you express just that.
For example: “Wow, the colors on this shirt are awesome! I love wearing lively colors.” Or: “This cactus is gonna look great in my garden, next to the tulips.” Or: “You made good points in your feedback. I will definitely consider it.”
No need to try to make a particularly cool or witty comment. Any basic, positive and specific remark will do the job fine. It will show the other person that you genuinely value their gift and you wanna make the most of it. This goodwill will usually matter the most to them.
Don’t Feel Pressured To Give Back
People often hesitate to receive gifts because they feel that with them comes attached an obligation to respond in kind. To them, any accepted gift creates more owned debt.
While I can relate to this mindset, I do not find it too realistic or constructive. If a person gives you something, it’s usually because they want to, not because they expect something back in return. So there is no need to feel obliged to reciprocate. You may often wanna reciprocate because you authentically feel like it, but it doesn’t mean you have to.
There are some people though who give to receive, but pretend to give with no strings attached. Like buying you a nice gadget or piece of jewelry, expecting you to go out with them in return. But by rejecting their gift and then feeling bad or accepting it and then feeling in debt, you only encourage them to play this manipulative game.
I find the best approach to be to accept their gift and think of it as having no strings attached. If it did have strings attached, it’s really the other person’s problem. They need to learn to express their desires openly rather than trying to pressure people into giving them what they want. And this is one way you ‘educate’ them in this direction.
If you often struggle with receiving without feeling the pressure to respond in kind, you will benefit greatly from working on improving your social confidence, because it means you are lacking in this department. You wanna fix the problem from the root upwards.
Considering this, I recommend you check out this practical confidence presentation I created, in which I’ll show you my tried and tested method for gaining social confidence, as effectively as possible. There are priceless gems of advice for you in it.
Being a good receiver is something you learn with practice and a bit of guidance. Just as being a good giver is, and many other social skills. By being both a good giver and receiver, you can effectively nurture your relationships with other people, making them as enjoyable and rewarding as they can be.
For more advice on improving your communication skills, social confidence, relationships and social success, I invite you to join my free newsletter and continue this journey of discovery with me.
5 Steps to A Stress Free Day to Help Busy People Relax
The post 5 Steps to A Stress Free Day to Help Busy People Relax appeared first on NotSalmon.
Today we all lead such busy and hectic lives that a lot of us find it very difficult to relax. Here are 5 steps to a stress free day to help busy people relax. These days our daily schedules are […]
The post 5 Steps to A Stress Free Day to Help Busy People Relax appeared first on NotSalmon.