Month: June 2019

Beware the Simplistic Logic of Most Self-Help

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The self-help industry is booming; and it’s been booming for years. On one hand, I think this is great, because it provides people useful tools and advice to help them grow, flourish and make the most out of life.

One the other hand, not all the tools and advice being provided are actually valuable. In fact, based on my own personal development experience for well over a decade, and nearly a decade of training and coaching experience, I dare say that the vast majority of the self-help literature consists of naive guidance and ineffective solutions.

The biggest issue I see in most self-help is what I can best refer to as its simplistic logic (and I use the word “logic” hesitantly).

The dictionary defines the term “simplistic” as: “treating complex issues and problems as if they were much simpler than they really are”. That’s exactly how a lot of the self-help literature treats people’s complex life problems, and thus offers crude, superficial solutions for them, solutions which inevitably fall short.

So I wanna share with you some ideas on how this simplistic logic works and how to not fall prey to it, so you can find and apply the best self-improvement tools out there, and see the best results.

I distinguish two major manifestations of simplistic logic in self-help. Let’s tackle them individually.

1. Reducing the Solution for a Major Issue to a Single Variable

Most self-improvement issues are multifaceted and complex. It makes sense for the proper solutions to them to not be too simple either.

Whether you wanna have more confidence, better relationships, better health or more money, you’ll probably have to address and tweak several variables to reach the desired outcome. Because success in such areas involves an array of factors, many of which are necessary, but not sufficient individually.

That’s not what you’ll read in most self-help literature though. On the contrary, you’ll often be presented one-simple-step solutions to reach your goals, which address a single variable. It’s the all too common “just do this and you’ll get what you want” approach.

For example, many self-help authors say that all you need to be happy is love. Or that all you need for a relationship to work is honesty. Or that all you need to have a thriving business is to care about your clients. I can see how such ideas can be appealing, as they make success seem straightforward. But they are gross oversimplifications.

There’s a popular book out there right now that asserts the one secret to outstanding achievement is a mix of passion and perseverance (referred to as “grit”). The book does a good job of showing that grit is important, and it offers inspiring examples of people who achieved great things with aid from grit. But it fails to prove that grit is the only big factor that matters.

Indeed, grit it is as a necessary factor, but not a sufficient factor for great success. For every person with grit who achieved great things, there are probably hundreds who only achieved moderate success at best.

Grit alone does not cut it. Other factors play key roles as well. Choosing goals that match your natural strengths and learning from mistakes are two more such factors in my view, but there are likely more.

So, whenever you see a book, course or article stating there is one simple key to getting something, be cautions. It’s probably exaggerating the role of one factor for success, while ignoring the others.

2. Failing to Explain the Process of Changing a Variable

Not only that a lot of self-help insists that a single variable is all you need to change in order to achieve a meaningful result, it also assumes that once you know that, you can just go and do it.

It treats changing that variable as a simple, straightforward action anyone can do with little or no additional instructions. Thus the term “just”, which is very common in self-help advice: “just think positively”, “just love yourself”, “just be confident”, and so on.

What many self-help authors either fail to recognize or deliberately ignore is that such changes are not basic, simple actions. Rather, they are complex psychological processes, which entail a set of steps and integrated actions that need to be taken.

For example, loving yourself is not something you can just start doing one day, because you’ve realized it is important. If that were the case, there would be no people with self-esteem issues on this planet.

Loving yourself involves taking a series of steps, at the cognitive and behavioral level, which if taken correctly create long-term positive changes in your self-image. I talk more about this process in this confidence video. Telling someone to just love themselves is like telling them to just build a harmonica. Hard to do if you lack any training or guidance.

That is why in my work as a confidence and communication coach, I focus on properly teaching people the actual process of becoming more confident or communicating better, with all the relevant underlying psychology. My experience has consistently shown me that it is not only the best approach, but the only approach that works.

By the way: if being more confident in social situations is something you seek, I highly recommend you check out my Conversation Confidence guide, from which you’ll learn my step-by-step method for achieving this, which draws from my almost a decade of training and coaching experience in this area.

Improving yourself opens up amazing new possibilities in your career, social life, and dating life. But you can’t do it effectively with a simplistic approach.

As alluring as simple tips & tricks type solutions can be, it’s crucial to recognize they will probably not benefit you, and seek a more mature, complex approach to self-improvement. If a solution to bettering yourself and your life sounds too simple to work, it probably is.

For more non-simplistic advice from me, especially on improving your confidence and communications skills, I invite you go here and join my free newsletter today.

How to Awaken Your Divine Feminine When You Have Lost Yourself

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You will need to awaken your Divine Feminine if you have lost yourself.

Losing yourself can happen in various ways. One big way is when you have lost yourself in your multiple roles – as a wife, mother, lover, friend, leader and so on. At the root, you could have beliefs that stop you from connecting with your female energy and shining your core brilliance.

Born female, you could have been taught that you are of the inferior sex to males. You were told that you are to play more of a supporting role. And that you have little or less right to be heard. Invariably, you give your power away.

Thus, your Divine Feminine gets hidden, forgotten and suppressed. Over time, you become increasingly disconnected with her. When you diminish yourself as a female, you feel less attractive and if I guess right, will have difficulties with loving and accepting yourself unconditionally. Aligning with your highest potential becomes challenging. You are unable to hold your own even when you need to show up confidently.

Should this be true, you are not alone.

Throughout history, women have had difficulties with awakening their Divine Feminine even though it is an innate part of who they are. Limiting beliefs are being a woman were conditioned since young. They are pervasive and commonly held. Beliefs such as…

I am just not good enough as compared to the males in my family.
It’s not safe to be heard.
Marrying a man is my meal ticket.
As a wife, my job is to play a subservient role.

For years, you could have been brought up to conform to society’s expectations or to adopt other people’s opinions about what or how females should behave or be like.

What body shape you should have.
What size clothes you should wear.
That as female, you need to do all the household chores. Or that you need to pick up after the boys.
That all females should learn how to cook and sew.
etc.

The list goes on.

As I have pointed out, the consequences are negative. Not only will you be unable to celebrate yourself as a vibrant, significant, and beautiful being that you are, many areas of your life gets negatively impacted as a result.

1. With low confidence, you may become dependent on the man in your life to make decisions for you.

2. You will find it difficult to perform at your best.

3. Your manifesting ability with your dreams gets eroded.

Your Divine Feminine – the Creator, Manifestor, Healer, Intuitive, Sage, Earth Mother – all the qualities that make you a Goddesss – gets shut down 🙁

Claim Your Divine Feminine

Well, I believe that every woman SHINES best when they Awaken their Divine Feminine.

Your Divine Feminine seeks expression. She needs to have a voice that leads from the truth of her being. Suppressing her in a cage for too long can lead to depression and suicidal thoughts. It’s unhealthy.

What you will need to do is to give yourself the permission to find her. To nurture her. To let her know that it is safe for her to speak and to be listened to. She needs to know it is okay for her to step into leadership and that she has every right to shine!

For the longest time, I have had the pain or ache of “not knowing myself” well. When I was a child, I had concluded that I should be invisible and that it was not safe for me to be heard. The conclusions resulted in my inability to express myself well or to articulate what I really felt. I would freeze up when situations that require me to speak up arise.

It was only after I started to work on myself that I experienced a turnaround.

As I gave my Divine Feminine the permission to express herself, she healed. I felt a lot more at ease, alive and connected with the truth of my being. Once shut down, I discovered that I have a voice. Can you imagine how embarrassing it was previously when no words would come out from my mouth when it was my turn to speak?

Even though I still get nervous before a public speaking event, I found out that with practice, I have the ability to present myself – and with clarity and coherence too! It’s been a major transformation for me. Well, I’d like to share 3 Powerful Ways that you can help you toAwaken your Divine Feminine.

How to Awaken Your Divine Feminine

Awaken Your Divine Feminine

1. Release Limiting Beliefs

Of critical importance, is to bring awareness to the beliefs and emotions that hold you back. As they are usually a result of the past, I recommend that you consider doing inner child healing.

Inner child healing is for addressing your unmet needs and suppressed negative emotions when you were a child. With little resources and tools to cope with the world, you learned to ignore them. In the process, you gave up your childlike innocence, creativity and curiosity to go on new adventures.

The problem is that repressed emotions are still there even after all the years. Covering them up DO NOT make them go away. In fact, they are bound to explode into the open, if you don’t find healthy ways to release them. You’d find yourself reacting disproportionately to the triggers at hand.

Limiting beliefs formed during childhood can affect you as an adult. Just imagine growing up with beliefs about being of an inferior sex because you are born female! You can help yourself by getting inner child healing done, so that you can address some of the beliefs that hold you back from connecting with your Divine Feminine. Release these beliefs, unleash your power in other words!

If you have further questions about inner child healing, apply for a 30-minute call here. I’d be glad to answer them 🙂

2. Connect with Mother Nature

Go to the park, seaside or forest. Walk bare feet and lift your arms to the sky. Hug a tree. Meditate in the surroundings. Awaken your senses.

As you meditate, express your gratitude and talk to Mother Nature. Ask her for help to connect with your Divine Feminine.

3. Goddess Journaling

Journaling is a way that can help you retrace memories and connect with true desires. It certainly did for me. Along pathways, I was connected to childhood dreams, forgotten ideas and secret fantasies. The more I wrote, the more I discovered a inner world that was rich, engaging and expansive where my Divine Feminine stands powerful.

elf Discovery Journal for Women: Awaken Your Divine Feminine

I hope that it can be the same for you too.

If you have not tried journaling, I recommend giving it a go! At a low price, you can get started immediately. Get started by first reading my book Self-Discovery Journal for Women: 250 Questions and Writing Prompts to Find Yourself and to Awaken Your Divine Feminine.

Light some candles! Put on the diffuser. Inhale essential oils. Read my book and begin writing. Journaling is low-cost therapy that works!

Stand in the Power of Your Divine Feminine

My world expanded to who I am today. I have been able to reclaim myself. The results: I now write books, conduct classes and respond to calls for stepping up more quickly. Because of how much I had benefitted from the tools I have used, I am now on mission to share more about them. Women I have worked with report to feeling a lightness of being, greater confidence and improved clarity from knowing themselves a lot better.

When you stand in the power of Divine Feminine, you are connected with your intuition, creativity, sensuality, beauty and nurturing spirit. You are able to draw on your sacred feminine gifts and be the amazing Goddess that you are.

Once again, here are some resources for you:
1. To find out more about inner child healing, apply for a call here.
2. Get started on Journaling here!
3. Read the following articles:
7 Steps to Self-Discovery
101 Powerful Affirmations for Women

I wish you nothing more than the confidence to shine your light!

Love and Abundance Always,
Evelyn Lim

P.S. Share Your Comments Below. Let me know what beliefs you have as a female that potentially held you back.

P.S.S. If you have benefited from this article, I’d appreciate some social media love. Thank you for sharing 🙂

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