Table of Contents
The Secret Power Of Hypnotic Relationship Communication
Fears: Are They As Big As They Feel?
Sex is a Serious Thing! …
Secrets Of Happy And Long-Lasting Marriage?
Am I In Love? (Questions of the Heart…
Are you ready for a Relationship all Ready? Take the Quiz…
Should I Give Up Me To Not Lose You?
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do…
CONTROL? who exactly is
Secrets…Men…Keep…And…Why…You…Should Let Them
What if Your Relationship Could Be…
The Secret Of True Love…
The Secret Power Of Hypnotic Relat ionship Communication Exposed!
Have you ever thought about why is it so important to have an open and comfortable communication
environment in your relationships?
What’s the single biggest benefit of being able to openly share your thoughts, feelings, goals, &
ideas with someone you care about without having them criticize, condemn or make you feel silly,
but excitedly respond to your feelings and open their treasury of thoughts, feelings & dreams to
Most people think the biggest benefit of having good communication is “great sex” — and that’s
what a lot of “gurus” will tell you too. But these people are completely missing the Big Picture.
You see, great sex is a benefit, but it ‘s hardly the biggest benefit of being able to openly share
your heart with someone you care about and have them do the same.
The REAL biggest benefit of having a “sharing relationship” is that you can acurately pin- point
weak areas in your lovelife and immediately act to improve whatever is causing them, to make
building “affair-proof” connections easier, quicker and a lot less painful.
This is an important concept — so let me break it down and explain it in a personal story.
When I first started dating my wife, we though we were compatible in almost every area and
everything would be a breeze. Well, living together for awhile, we started to see just how
different we really were…
I had this habit (she though it was nasty…I disagreed) of dropping my clothes on a chair in the
room ( …okay, the frontroom) when I got home in the evenings. This would drive her nuts.
Personally, I didn’t see it as a problem because I felt that it was my place, I was home, and what
I wanted to do in my castle was totally my business…afterall, I worked hard to pay the rent,
So, she’d fuss me out, we’d fight and both be frustrated because she couldn’t understand why I
didn’t care about the house and I couldn’t understand why she made such a big deal of this lit t le
…Oh, did I mention I sorely dislike a nagging, fussing woman
…I guess she sorely disliked a nasty, inconsiderate man
Anyway, to make a long story short, this simple problem began to drive a “silent wedge” between us
that made us begin to slowly lose love for each other.
…Did you notice I used the word “silent” above to describe what began to happen between us?
Eventually, we decided to have an open conversation about this issue and agreed not to criticize or
condemn each others’ view but listen and find a solution we’d both agree to…I’ll teach you more
on how to do this later.
Here’s what the problem really was…This is the short version.
- I was raised in a home where I had sisters to clean up after me and took this for granted…She
was raised in a home where she was made to clean up after everyone (being the oldest)
- Her mother always taught her to keep the house t idy just in case her father brought home
company or someone showed up unexpectantly…she was taught this was a good life practice.
The Secret Power Of Hypnotic Relationship Communication Exposed!
Okay my friend, are you starting to see the different worlds we came from and how they affected how
we acted and thought?
…So, what did openly conversating do for our relationship?
- Well, it helped us to see from the other side of the problem, It allowed us to pin-point exactly
what was wrong, and find a solution we both felt comfortable with.
- It opened the doors for us to easily resolve any other issues that came up in our relationship
that we needed to fix.
- It allowed us to stay together and enjoy together what we both bring into the relationship, and
each others’ lives.
So as you can imagine, if you have an open line of communication, you can get result very quickly,
easily and without a lot of heartbreak
And that, my friend, is the biggest benefit of having hypnotic communication skills in your
So watch for your next issue of this mini-course, where I’ll reveal the single most important key
to: “Unleashing The Secret Power Of Hypnotic Relationship Communication”
Yours For Hypnotic Relationship, Conrad Jones
Fears: Are They As B ig As They Feel?
What are you afraid of? There is plenty to fear – whether you are a child, a teenager or an adult.
Fears come in all shapes and sizes from the Boogieman to the Taxman. You can be afraid of speaking
in front of a crowd, growing old, getting a bad grade on a test, losing friends, looking bad,
embarrassing yourself. The list can go on and on. Everybody is afraid of something and to different
Are fears only as big as we make them?
Let’s take a look. Let’s say that you have a new boyfriend, and you really, really like him. You’re
afraid that now that he has claimed to like you, he will wake up some morning only to like your
best friend better. You’re so worried that you start asking him questions about how he feels about
your friend, such as “Do you like the way she looks?” and so on.
Your fear of losing your boyfriend gets so big and out of control that every t ime you’re with him
that’s all you talk about. Guess what? He might like your best friend better one day. And he might
not. But I can guarantee that talking about it with your boyfriend day in and day out is only going
to make your boyfriend think about it – and get bored with your relationship.
So let’s say he does wake up some morning and decides that he likes your girlfriend. Was there
anything you could have done about it? Did worrying and having all of that fear stop him? No!
Now, let say he never decides that he likes your girlfriend. Did you waste a lot of t ime worrying
and being afraid about it? Yes! Either way it was a waste of t ime, and it prevented you from being
close to your boyfriend and sharing special moments with him.
Some fears can ruin a relationship and keep us from being in the now. If your boyfriend is with you
right now that has to be good enough.
Another thing fears can do is to prevent us from doing things and experiencing situations that
would make our life fuller. For instance, suppose you want to join a certain club at school, but
you know that it requires you to speak in public. Speaking in public has always made you sick to
your stomach, so you don’t join. What if you joined and walked through those fears and eventually
you could speak in public without getting sick? What if you even started to enjoy it?
We all have many fears, and we have to take a look at each of them individually. We need to make a
list of our fears. We need to ask: Is this a fear that is holding me back? Is this a fear that is
ruining my relationship? Or is this a valid fear? A valid fear, for example, would be getting into
a car with a drunk driver.
The more we get to know our fears, the better we will be at deciding how to handle them. We do not
want to be controlled by our fears. We do not want our fears running our life.
I have noticed that when we face our fears and walk through them, we become empowered. When we do
the opposite and allow our fears to control our life, we empower our fears.
If you are in a hurry and want to see a fantastic video then go here now to see it
Sex is an important Thing!
Most of the questions asked to sexual health experts are about men’s early ejaculations and women’s
orgasm troubles. When you read this you may say: It’s normal, if man is coming off quickly, woman
couldn’t have an orgasm! But if you really think for a few seconds, surprisingly, you won’t see any
relation between these two events. Because, a man if he is not a boor, will prepare his woman to
reach her orgasm before his ejaculation.
The other highly popular question is about the penis size! After all that porn movies many people
are really confused. How and where to find such a prominent organ? What is the normal size? How
thick and long can be the biggest? How small is acceptable for lovemaking?
Every man’s genital is different as his finger print and the role of the penis size in a happy and
successful sexual relationship is not such important. At least you don’t have to be such stupid to
pay sack full money to programs, drugs or advice for making it bigger! Even with a huge organ a
man’s chance is very limited to make her achieve an orgasm if he is not a good lover and doesn’t
know proper sex techniques, most probably he will cause pain instead of pleasure.
Even a man who has a miniscule dick may be a perfect lover! The only way is to learn how to make
better love, how to be a better partner, instead of being paranoiacly distressed. This is normal
and this is your body, love it and try to use it more creatively and with more love. Kiss and
caress every part of your partner’s body for long t ime, arouse her enough, and go down and give
her a nice oral love… until she reaches the climax.
Believe me, every woman loves and prefers such a talented lover in the place of a big dick entering
a few t imes into your vagina before spurting out and then sleeping in his side as nothing
Having a small organ is not a guilt, a crime, if he knows his body and has developed many better
solutions he is absolutely a CLEVER man and a perfect lover!
In regard to early ejaculations… This, also, is not a crime and if the man has not an organic
disorder, may be corrected with some effort. But many men, instead of paying attention to their
situation, act like early coming off doesn’t make any difference in their sex life!
Which may be true!
Actually you may consider the natural disharmony between two genders. Men, by their nature, want to
thrust into a hole when aroused and squirt in, that’s all! But woman needs a prior preparation, a
foreplay of at least 10-15 minutes to be concentrated and ready for insertion.
One woman likes this position, another may choose that position, many women request clitoris
stimulation besides men’s thrusting… Many fatiguing services asked from men! And furthermore, if
a serious and passionate relationship doesn’t exist between partners, men are really exhausted in
the bed. Is a natural error, an innate lack of harmony exists between men and women?
Let see some different type of early comers:
Type A: The worst. He doesn’t even know he is an early comer. When he likes, he takes the woman
under him and ejaculates. He doesn’t care anything else! For the woman’s orgasm? What is that? He
hasn’t heard anything about woman’s orgasm!
Type B: He knows about woman’s orgasm but act like he doesn’t know. Same of the Type A, he pulls
the woman under and he comes off, the only difference, if by mistake or pain, woman makes a weak
sound like “ah” he will suppose she reached an orgasm but for his comfort, he will never ask her
Sex is a Serious Thing!
Type C: He knows his disorder, he is sad and wants to visit a doctor but he is shamed or can’t find
the t ime to go! As a foreplay he kiss and caress her a lit t le but he can’t wait and comes off.
Sometimes he can’t even find t imes to thrust his dick into her. He is sad but life goes on!
Type D: He is aware of his early ejaculation disorder but he also knows his partner’s orgasm
right! So, he will kiss and caress her at great length, give her a great oral love and bring her to
an orgasm. Then start to make love for himself and he comes off. Because his partner reached orgasm
before his quick ejaculation there is no trouble. Partners are relaxed and happy!
That means, if a man is understanding and clever the early ejaculation is not an important obstacle
on the way of a happy sexual relationship. Man may visit a doctor and try to find the main reason
behind this disorder and get a treatment which is totally normal, but meantime he is kind and not
selfish, gives her ultimate pleasures to reach her orgasm.
An absolutely good sex for a woman is a normal dick size, a foreplay at length, long kisses and
caresses, staying inside her long enough with many thrusting, knowing her favorite positions and
giving her the best pleasures… not insisting on what he wants, but understanding her and giving
her what she needs to get her climax.
Please remember that if she has reached to one orgasm in her entire life, she knows the best
position for her, and an intelligent man never insists on a new position which may cause a lack of
concentration, he will follow her orientations.
Finally, what is the woman’s responsibility in creating a harmonious sexual relationship? Women
must talk and describe what they want clearly. Of course talking to the boors will not produce a
positive result but intelligent men may understand your needs. Do not imitate orgasm or do not keep
silent and sleep… talk to your lovers and kindly explain your desires, if not you will lose your
sexual desires and even you won’t be able to masturbate and get orgasm by yourself in the future!
True love is the greatest thing in this life.
Secrets Of Happy And Long-Lasting Marriage? Sound Difficult? Not
Secrets Of Happy And Long-Lasting Marriage ? Sound Difficult? Not So? Do you still remember the
moment you together with your husband or wife swear in front of the altar that you will be keeping
your marriage vows in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, and until death do your
part? Good for the two of you if you still keep that scared vows you have made when you were
married. Unfortunately, there are couples who happen to be filing divorces for different grounds.
Why there are couples who are making separate ways after they have taken that marriage vows? There
are many reasons to mention, but the gravest of all is the loss of love and trust to one another.
All the problems are rooted from this reason. How will you trust your partner if you do not love
him/her? How will you love your partner if you do not trust him/her? These two questions will lead
you to a very serious one, How will I make our marriage happy and long-lasting? That is not a new
question for every couple. Before marriage, they are exactly asking the same question.
But this t ime, it is really serious. Remember that you have sworn before God that you will love
and take care of each other until death, or even after death. As mentioned earlier, the gravest
reason of divorcing couples is the lack of love and trust. So what will you do to maintain or in
case lost, return it in your relationship? First thing to do is to have an open communication. One
of the reasons of lack of trust is miscommunication. For instance, there will be an instance where
you will not be revealing your problem to your partner even though he or she already noticed it .
First thing that will come to his or her mind is that you do not trust her anymore because you are
not revealing your problem.
Find ways of opening your communication. Have a talk every night before you sleep. You can confer
to your partner experiences of the previous day. Let your partner know that you want him or her to
be a part of everything you are experiencing with, most especially on cases when you have problems.
Another is to make sacrifices on some circumstances. It is one of the secrets to have a happy and
long-lasting marriage. Both of you should be prepared to put your partners happiness ahead of your
own from t ime to t ime. There are instances that small problems become large problems if you will
be showing that you are the boss of the relationship. You must learn to give way, after all a happy
marriage is allowing your partner to be satisfied with your relationship. For instance, you can
volunteer yourself on washing the dishes after dinner. Just see the smile on the face of your wife
if you will do such small things for them. In addition, it also shows that you care for your
partner. Always be careful with your finances. If you do not handle your financial situation
carefully, it can destroy your marriage. When financial crisis arise, it is important that the two
of you should discuss the problem so that you are both aware of the situation you are facing and at
the same t ime finding solutions. Working together on this particular issue will make each other
feel that each of you is an integral part of the decision making process. There are so many
variables that affect your marriage. Just remember that love and trust will bind you together. Make
each other realize that the two of you must continuously work on all of these aspects to ensure
that your marriage will be happy and long-lasting through the rest of your lives.
Am I In Love? (Quest ions of the Heart )
Do you feel your brains turn to mush as soon as cupids arrow spears your heart? Did your heart ever
become your goal?
Did he become your world?
Do you feel the need to control him? Do you want to be his everything?
Did you ever change your entire world to be with him? Did he, for you?
Do you want his eyes to be only on you?
Do you feel like you can never say anything right?
Do you try to share your thoughts with him, only to alienate him?
Do you tear your hair out every t ime he looks at you like you are an alien?
Do you wish today was as sweet as the first day that you laid your eyes on him? Do you wish you had
never heard any stories about his past?
Do you wish he never heard yours?
Do you expect him to read your mind? Do you think you can read his mind?
Do you worry about things that he cannot even comprehend? Do you imagine his answers, when he gives
Do you constantly question his feelings for you? Do you question his every decision?
Do you feel like a wallflower?
Do you wish he would not interpret your needs for weakness?
Did you grow up believing love would be safe and non confronting? Do you like the feeling of
Do you feel that you are the only one in this relationship?
Did you ever think that you would feel so torn apart when you argued with someone? Did you think
that you could be so hateful with someone you love so much?
Did you ever look just at someone and just feel total unconditional love for them? Did you think
that he too would feel incompetent during sex?
Do you know that he too suffers when you look upon him with disappointment? Does he try to reach
out to you in his t ime of need for affection and understanding? Do you turn away from him, hoping
that he will turn to you?
Am I In L ove? (Quest ions of t he Heart )
Do you feel like hiding from his eyes when you feel threatened by another female? Does he
understand you at that t ime?
Does he support you when you feel weak and failing? Do you support him?
Do you allow him inside your head when all you want to do is die? Do you come home and ask him how
his day was?
Do you reach for him in the quiet of the night? Does he reach out for you?
Does he make you feel sexy with just one look? Do you crave his touch?
Does he kiss you passionately? Do you kiss him back?
Do you love him with all your heart and soul? Would you die for him?
Would he die for you? HMMMMMM!
I know that I have definitely reached each one of you reading, with at least one of these thought
provoking questions. Did you ever think such a small sweet word like LOVE could be so full of
emotions and feelings? Love has so many meanings:
Love means trust, even when all the cards are against you. Love means understand at all costs.
Love means accept all without question.
Love means allowing a stranger into your heart. Love means smiling when anyone else would frown.
Love means hugging when he cries.
Love means being silent when silence is needed. Love means putting his feelings first.
Love means being fair.
Love means expecting fairness. Love means commitment.
Love means fitting together. Love means laughter.
Love means partnership.
Love means being independent. Love means forgiveness.
Love means patience.
Am I In L ove? (Quest ions of t he Heart )
Love means pain. Love means sacrifice.
Love means supporting.
Love means feeling complete.
Love means never going to bed mad. Love means GIFT.
If you have the gift of love, cherish it , nurture it , and treat it with respect.
Never push it away, or hurt it . Never, ever abuse it , or treat it like a door mat. Embrace it .
To have the gift of love is truly an inner beauty feeling. People say they love, but truly they
have no clue what love is. Love can be just as painful as it can be beautiful. It can turn on you
in a heartbeat. It can become your worst enemy. It can twist your world and turn it upside down,
leaving you feeling alone and empty. Love is a very powerful gift. It is when one finds true love
that all of the feelings, good and bad come together. That is when they are organized and
compromised to make two people into one. It is when we are one that we join forces against the
world and battle together. Sometimes it feels easier to go it alone, but it is the word, “alone”
that really scares me. I would rather risk it all with someone, then to be alone. To say yes to the
questions above tells you that you have risked it and are in love!
“I believe that we are here for each other, not against each other. Everything comes from an
understanding that you are a gift in my life – whoever you are, whatever our differences.” – John
Don’t fade away when you have each other!
Are You Relat ionship Ready? Take t he Quiz
Take the test – – are you ready for a relationship?
Most singles are seeking a committed relationship and date with that goal in mind. Many are not
ready for commitment for a variety of reasons, but they don’t want to be alone, and so they date to
find a partner anyway. When their dating strategy doesn’t align with their readiness status, these
singles unconsciously set themselves up for failure, complicating their lives and those of their
Just because you want something doesn’t necessarily mean you’re ready for it . Many variables can
interfere with your readiness for a committed relationship with someone you meet, such as being
involved with someone else, going through a divorce, financial trouble, career demands, family
obligations, physical health challenges, or mental/emotional health challenges such as addictions,
depression, or anxiety disorders.
It would be a tragedy to meet your soul mate and not be ready for them. Getting involved in a
relationship before you are ready can create a shaky foundation of unfinished business that
eventually brings a relationship crashing down.
To assess your readiness for a committed relationship, rate yourself in each of the following ten
areas. Try to be objective and honest with yourself. We recommend asking close friends and family
members for their opinions as well.
READINESS REVIEW FOR SINGLES
Rating Scale: Rate each item on a scale from 0 to 10
8-10: This area of my life is strong and would be an asset to my next relationship 5-7: This area
needs work, but most likely would not sabotage my next relationship 0-4: This area could interfere
with the success of my next relationship
- I KNOW WHAT I WANT
I have a clear vision for my life and relationship. I can envision my perfect life in rich detail
that feels strong, very real, and keeps me motivated.
2. I KNOW MY REQUIREMENTS
I have a written list of at least ten non-negotiable requirements that I use for screening
potential partners. I am clear that if any are missing, a relationship will not work for me.
3. I AM HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL BEING SINGLE
I enjoy my life, my work, my family, my friends, and my own company. I am living the life that I
want, and I am not seeking a relationship out of desperation and need.
4. I AM READY AND AVAILABLE FOR COMMITMENT
I have no emotional or legal baggage from a previous relationship. My schedule, commitments and
lifestyle allow my availability to build a new relationship.
5. I AM SATISFIED WITH MY WORK/CAREER
My work is fulfilling, supports my lifestyle, and does not interfere with my availability for a new
6. I AM HEALTHY IN MIND, BODY, AND SPIRIT
My physical, mental, or emotional health does not interfere with having the life and relationship
that I want. I am reasonably happy and feel good.
7. MY FINANCIAL AND LEGAL BUSINESS IS HANDLED
Are You Relat ionship Ready? Take t he Quiz
I have no financial or legal issues that would interfere with having the life and relationship that
8. MY FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS ARE FUNCTIONAL
My relationships with my children, ex, siblings, parents, and extended family do not interfere with
having the life and relationship that I want.
9. I HAVE EFFECTIVE DATING SKILLS
I init iate contact with people I want to meet, and disengage from people who are not a match for
me. I keep my physical and emotional boundaries, and balance my heart with my head with potential
10. I HAVE EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIP SKILLS
I understand relationships, can maintain closeness and intimacy, communicate authentically and
assertively, negotiate difference positively, allow myself to trust and be vulnerable, and can give
and receive love without emotional barriers.
RESULTS: Add up your scores to determine your relationship readiness:
80-100: GREEN Light: You are well on your way to the life and relationship you really want
50-79: YELLOW Light: Continue to work on the areas needed and take it slow in relationships
0-49: RED Light: Take a break from seeking a partner, focus on your life and prepare for the relationship that you really want.
NOTE: We suggest that ANY area rated 0-4 result in a “Red Light” and that you consider taking a
break from seeking a partner until that area is improved.
You may freely post this article as long as a) it is posted in its entirety; b) you provide a link
back to http://www.consciousdat ing.com; and c) you do not post on an adult-content site.
Should I Give Up M e To N ot L ose You?
How far can you afford to bend your values to preserve your relationship? How far can you go in
giving yourself up to avoid losing your partner? How much of yourself can you afford to sacrifice
to not lose someone you love? How do we find the balance between maintaining our integrity and
bending our values?
Most relationships require us to bend to a certain extent, but how much can we bend without a sense
of loss of self?
There is an inherent paradox in these questions: A truly loving relationship is a relationship
where each person accepts and even values the differences between them. If you have to excessively
bend your values to preserve the relationship, what are you preserving?
You are not preserving a loving relationship since love does not demand that you excessively bend
Rather than look at relationship in terms of bending values to accommodate another person, let’s
look at it in terms of each person learning and growing as a result of their differences in values.
For example, Patricia is a highly responsible person with a strong work ethic, while Sam tends to
let things go a lot, which results in an imbalance regarding financial responsibility in the
relationship. Patricia is not happy about this. Does she just accept these differences to preserve
the relationship? No! That is not what a good relationship is really about. Since a good
relationship is about each person learning and growing from their differences, rather than one or
both people giving themselves up, Sam and Patricia need to engage in open explorations about their
differences. They each have beliefs that can be explored, and in this process, new learning occurs
that leads to intrinsic change rather than superficial compromise.
The real problem occurs when one or both partners are not available for exploration and learning.
If one partner says, “Just accept me the way I am,” or gets angry or withdrawn when the other
partner attempts to discuss the situation, no learning can take place.
Then the other partner either has to accommodate or leave – not a healthy situation.
Joe is extremely neat, while Julia has a hard t ime putting things away. Roberta is always on t ime
while Cecelia is always late. Maggie is a spender while David is a saver. Carl has a high sex drive
while Andrea has a low sex drive. Angie is an authoritarian parent while Curt is a permissive
parent. Ronald is highly social while Greg is a homebody. Depending upon whether or not each person
is open to learning, these differences can lead to:
- Constant conflict
- One partner giving in to avoid conflict
- Both partners opening to learning and growing as a result of their differences
The outcome of these conflicts depend entirely upon intent. There are only two possible intents in
any given moment: The intent to protect against pain or the intent to learn about loive.
When one or both partners have the intent to protect against pain, then they will find many
controlling ways of avoiding dealing with the differences. They may argue, defend, withdraw, blame,
give in, resist, explain, and so on, Each is intent on having their way, not being controlled by
the other, or avoiding the other’s rejection. This will always lead to distance and unhappiness in
the relationship. The problem is not in the differences themselves, but rather in the unwillingness
to learn and grow from the differences.
When both partners are open to learning about their differences, their differences become fertile
ground for the exciting process of personal and spiritual growth and healing.
Should I Give Up M e To N ot L ose You?
We cannot make another person be open to learning – we don’t have that control over others. If you
are in a relationship where your partner refuses learn and grow from the differences, then you need
to be honest with yourself regarding how much of yourself you can give up and still maintain a
sense of integrity. You cannot afford to compromise your personal integrity. You can bend and
accommodate as long as you do not feel as if you are losing yourself. Once you feel that you are
losing yourself to preserve the relationship, you will likely find yourself so resentful of the
other person that the relationship begin to fall apart anyway as a result of giving yourself up.
You are not preserving it by accommodating – you are destroying it while losing yourself.
The key is to be willing to come up against conflict and rejection, and even lose the other person
rather than continue to accommodate when going along with what your partner wants means a loss of
your personal integrity. On the emotional and spiritual level, you can afford to lose your partner
but you cannot afford to lose yourself.
Breaking – up is a hard thing to do!
B reaking Up Is Hard To Do
Breaking Up, Separation, and Divorce Can Be Devastating – But May Also Provide the Opportunity for
Self-Examination and a New Beginning
There is nothing easy about ending a love relationship. Breaking up is seldom the ideal resolution
to problems within relationships, but all too often is the outcome, despite our best efforts to
prevent it . Over the past two or three decades, about half of all marriages have ended in divorce,
and the statistics for cohabitation (or living together) are higher than this.
The person who was once your best friend and your companion for life, the one who knew you better
than anyone else, has now in some ways become your enemy. You cannot believe that this has
How could that love have been destroyed? The breakup of a relationship is one of life’s most
emotionally painful experiences.
The depth of pain depends on many factors – how sensitive you are to
the meaning of your life experiences, how much you have idealized the relationship, and how much
you depended on your partner to make your life worthwhile. A broken relationship shatters much that
we have known and dreamed
about. Our relationships, especially intimate relationships, help us define who we are. Our values,
our views of the world,
and how we define our most intimate feelings are all embodied within our love relationships. When
our relationship comes to an end, our lives enter a chaotic period for which we may be unprepared.
We suddenly find ourselves dealing
with a host of emotions and thoughts – grieving, despair, anger, revenge and retaliation, hoping
for a miracle,
B reaking Up Is Hard To Do negotiating, feeling out of control, hoping for happiness again and
not knowing how to get
there, fear, and loneliness – and lit t le of it seems
to make sense. (And where is your partner when you need him or her the most?)
Most of us have never acquired the tools to deal with a loss of this magnitude. When we entered the
relationship, we put our energies into building a life with our partner. We put
lit t le effort into learning to be alone again. A breakup
forces us to jump into an overwhelming, and often dreaded, world of new experiences.
It is comforting to learn that this t ime of craziness will come to a close. The sun will shine
again. The pain
of a breakup, if it is approached constructively, can propel people to confront personal issues and
to discover who they are at this stage of life. Many people look back on the t ime following their
breakup as the best t ime in their lives.
It may be painful, but it is also a t ime when a person can feel fully alive and impelled to look
within to determine their strengths, abilities, and challenges.
The ending of a love relationship follows a predictable set of experiences. It is helpful to
recognize the feelings associated with each stage of a breakup and to know that these feelings are
normal and expected. If you have difficulty in handling the negative feelings that
accompany the phases of the process, it will probably be a challenge to cope effectively as you
move toward the completion of the breakup. If you accept your painful feelings and explore why
things are difficult, you become better able, as a more integrated person, to see your way to a
Let’s look at a few of the predictable stages commonly experienced by those in the process of a
Denying the truth of the breakup actually helps us to
B reaking Up Is Hard To Do
postpone the pain, so denial certainly has a place in the process, at least init ially. A problem
we experience so much denial that we are unable to come to terms with the reality of the task
before us. There comes a day when “this is not happening to me” is no longer an effective way of
coping. Ending the denial
stage involves a major shift in our thinking about ourselves, what our partner means to us, and
where we must go from here.
Most people experiencing a breakup are forced to come to terms with a number of fears. What will
Whom can I trust to talk to? How can I handle my partner’s anger toward me? How do I deal with my
own anger? Am I a complete failure? How can I be a single parent?
What about money? Can I do the banking and buy groceries and pay bills and fix the car? Can I
handle my loneliness? Am I completely unlovable?
Will I ever love anyone else again? Do I have the energy for this much change? When we are
by our fears and feel unable to do anything about them, we increase the likelihood that these will
very areas where we experience trouble. The best way to handle fear is to confront it head on, with
awareness, planning, and support – and this takes courage.
The loneliness a person experiences at the t ime of a breakup may feel overwhelming. The finality
of ending the relationship, uncertainty about the future, as well as the knowledge that your
partner will no longer be there to comfort you or to spend t ime with you, all contribute to an
empty feeling that seems as if it will not go away. While you were in the relationship, you defined
yourself as being partnered and you felt that
you always had someone there to share your experiences.
B reaking Up Is Hard To Do
And now you don’t. The clue to dealing with this is to change loneliness to aloneness. Loneliness
suggests a longing to be with another person. Aloneness can be a t ime to see who you are – you
have the opportunity to explore your independence and challenge yourself to do things on your own.
It can be a valuable t ime of
self-exploration and self-enhancement. Aloneness might not last long, or at least not long enough,
so it can be seen as a valuable opportunity.
The breakup is a true test of just who your real friends are. It is important to draw on the
emotional support of friends during this t ime. Unfortunately, many of your friends were those who
knew you as a couple and they may have to choose between you. Those who try to stay neutral may
find it difficult.
Some may feel that your breakup somehow threatens their own relationships, and some friends may now
find it difficult to relate to you as a single person.
Not only that, but you may find it difficult to trust others during a breakup. Getting out, feeling
free, trusting wisely, and opening up to others becomes a major goal of healthy adjustment.
It is normal, and indeed necessary, to experience a period of grieving over the end of the
relationship. You may feel depressed for some t ime and experience changes in your energy levels,
as well as your sleeping and appetite patterns. You may dwell on negative thoughts for a period of
t ime and find it difficult
to find pleasure in everyday events. If your negative thinking turns into self-destructive
thoughts, you should find a professional therapist who can help you. As unpleasant as this period
of grieving may feel, comfort yourself with the knowledge that this is most
B reaking Up Is Hard To Do
likely a temporary phase and it is how you are saying goodbye so that you can move on to a
healthier and happier future.
People ending their relationships usually say that they never knew they could have so much anger.
The rage seems overwhelming at t imes. Think about it
- you have just lost one of the most important things in your life and your partner may seem like
your enemy. You have a lot to be angry about. Use this opportunity to look within – explore your
anger and find out how it helps and hurts you. One rule: don’t engage in any behavior you will feel
sorry about later on! Because
it may be difficult to contain your anger at this t ime, your partner is not the appropriate target
for your anger. Instead, process your anger by talking about it with a trusted friend or therapist.
Anger is helpful in the
sense that it helps us end the loyalty and trust we
used to feel for our partner, and this allows us to move on. Think of the ending of your
relationship as a journey,
which you take one step at a t ime. Some of these steps are challenging. Not only do we have to
of the stages listed above, but we must also deal with making the final break emotionally,
understand what really went wrong, learn to feel comfortable with ourselves again, see ourselves as
make new friends, forge new purposes and goals, and learn again about trust and love. As painful as
this journey may seem at first, it can lead to a life which is better – and it can be much better.
Dumpers and Dumpees
A breakup seems easiest for couples who decide mutually to end the relationship. In most cases,
however, as suggested by Bruce Fisher and Robert Alberti, in their book, Rebuilding: When Your
Relationship Ends, a breakup
B reaking Up Is Hard To Do
involves a dumper, the party who takes the init iative to end the relationship, and a dumpee, the
one who wants the
relationship to continue. Sometimes, when one analyzes the nature of the relationship, it may be
difficult to decide
just who is the dumper and the dumpee. In general, however, the dumper is the one who says it is
all over, and the dumpee is the one in shock who begs the other not to leave. Dumpees often say
they were taken completely by surprise by their partner’s announcement.
The breakup experience is often very different for each of the two parties. The dumper usually
began preparing for the end well before the final announcement, and the actual parting often comes
as a relief for the dumper. The primary emotion experienced by the dumper is guilt. The dumpee, on
the other hand, is usually hit by surprise and with a great deal of pain. The turmoil of the
breakup itself is usually much more intense for the dumpee, but it is this pain that can motivate
more personal growth. The main task of the dumpee is to work through feelings of rejection. Both
parties usually experience a great deal
of pain as their relationship comes to an end, although the pain of guilt is different from the
pain of rejection. For a healthy adjustment it is important to recognize which role has been
assumed, dumper or dumpee, and to work on the issues appropriate to that role.
How Long Do I Wait Until I Get Into Another Relationship? Expect that it will take at least a year
before things begin to feel at all normal again. For most of us, depending on the length and the
nature of our previous relationship, it will take two or three years. This may seem like an
eternity, but in reality this is a wonderful
and precious opportunity to find out who you are as an unattached individual. A word of warning is
- don’t expect to involve yourself with someone else immediately! You are on the rebound. To attach
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
prematurely in a love relationship is unfair to you and
to the other person. You must deal with important personal issues when your previous love
relationship comes to an end.
Living through the transition and exploring these issues can be painful – and falling in love again
may seem like
the perfect way to end the pain. But if you attach yourself again too quickly, before you have a
chance to explore the issues which led to your breakup and to start to feel comfortable again as a
single and independent individual, the other person becomes a replacement object, and that is not
what a healthy relationship is about. You will probably carry into this replacement relationship
same issues that helped to lead to the demise of your former relationship – and similar events may
very well happen again.
Your real goal is to discover who you are and to explore what happened. When you are at the point
of being able to have a happy and fulfilled life as a single person,
then you can choose when, or even if, you should involve yourself in another love relationship.
When you know that you have that choice, you may be ready.
© 2006 Paul and Layne Cutright – All rights reserved. You may publish this article in its entirety
and with the authors’ resource information intact.
CONTROL ? who exactly is being controlled?
I was boggled as to what exactly I wanted to share with my article lovers tonight. I had a plan,
then one of my members commented in my self esteem website. Well, in short, my mind would not let
her comment rest. It was a sentence regarding, ?CONTROL?. Here it is:
If I cant trust my spouse to keep their sexual promise to me why am I in this relationship? I
otherwise. Positive attracts positive.? My first thought was,?
WOW?! Does one really feel that they are controlling their mate? How does wanting them to just be
with you, become a control factor? How does your wanting to be just the one, become a control
factor? How does not wanting them to look, or talk personally to another person, become a control
factor? How does making them feel like you are suppose to be the only thing on their minds, become
a control factor? How does checking their phone logs, or their computer logs, become a control
factor? Is wondering what they are doing at every minute, a control factor? Is questioning them on
their every move, a control factor? Is going through their pockets, looking for anything that might
lead you to believe they are breaching their commitment to you, a control factor? Is deleting
messages, they may receive on their computer, a control factor? Is asking their friends about a
certain night out, a control factor? Is tasting them with a kiss when they have been out, a control
factor? Hmmmm, how many of these questions, or worries, have you been guilty of? I really have to
wonder who it is, that is being controlled with these jealous worries? You or them? I totally feel
that jealousy is controlling you; if you can say yes to half of these questions, it is controlling
you in a very, very destructive way. You are becoming caught in a vicious circle. You will search,
and through that search you are allowing yourself to be controlled each t ime you apply any of the
above thoughts or actions. It?s one of those ?you are damned if you do, and you are damned if you
don`t? situations. To not question and search, you are left to trust and have faith and believe in
your relationship. Trust is a hard thing to do when you allow weakness to control your thoughts. To
become skeptical with your heart is a very long, lonely journey to nowhere.
You have to allow your mind to rest and trust the one you have chosen to give your heart to. Yes it
is risky, but that?s what love is. Trust, believe, do not control, and most of all feel like you
are that special person they chose as a life partner. There are going to be t imes when your
partner will be involved with someone that may feel threatening to you. This is when your partner
will know the line. They will know to keep their personals in tact. They will know that to cross
that line will only set your relationship up for complication.
Another good point that was made by a member of my website was this: ?Most of us at some point are
sexually attracted to someone other than our spouse but, it?s whether or not we act on that
attraction that defines our relationship.? AND ?I have to ask myself though?is it reasonable to
control my significant others? friendships, just in case they develop a sexual attraction?? This is
when the line has to be drawn by both parties. ?To be human is to error?. I know that sounds like
an excuse to fail another. It may be in some instances and it may not be in others. There are so
many situations in life, that I can only generalize. Again, ?CONTROL? is the word that comes to
mind here. The control mentioned above, is of oneself again, but in a positive way. We choose to
control that moment of lust or interest; there are many words for it . The choice of control is
really what matters in a relationship. The worry of ?What if?, will always be hovering. This is
where our true commitment lies. It is through belief and trust. Is it not sweeter to feel good
about the,?US? in our lives? Is it not finer to feel that we can control the negative thoughts and
only allow positive thoughts rule our actions? Well then take a positive, ?
CONTROL? on your thoughts. Let your love guide you. Let your love show you the way to a life of
smiles and happiness. Oh and HUGGZ. You all know I am big on those. Huggz are a very nice way to
control ones body. It can send messages from one to another in the most pleasant way. So, why I
ask, is that not something you would do every second you can? It?s like someone saying, ?OK, you
can eat as much of your favorite food as you want and never gain a single pound?. HA, like as if we
would not all take advantage of that in this world of restaurants at every foot of the road, that
are full every day . Think about that people. So, my question for you to think on tonight is,? Do
you want to be controlled by you, or do you want to control, you? I will leave you with that
thought to ponder and a couple more? HUGGZZZZZZZ plz!! If you CONTROL your thoughts, (your feelings
come from your thoughts) then you control your feelings! You can`t control
what goes on outside, but you can always control what goes on inside!
4 Secret s M en Keep And Why You Should L et Them
Many of us believe that if we are close to our man, we should know everything he is thinking, the
secrets he keeps are lit t le enemies, tearing us apart. Nothing could be further from the truth.
It is absolutely necessary for each person in a relationship to have their own personal world,
their thoughts, feelings and boundaries that belong to them and no one else.
Being close doesn’t mean being “fused” into one person. It means loving, honoring and respecting
the other and sharing what it is that can be shared. If a man (or woman) feels that there is no
room for them to have their own thoughts and experiences while in a relationship, they can easily
feel that their individuality and sense of self is slipping away. Needless to say, a good
relationship not only brings two people closer, but enhances each person’s sense of self worth and
individuality. Here are 5 secrets that men often keep to themselves, and why it is important to let
them do so.
1)That he looks at and is attracted to other women.
Don’t pry into this. Some women keep asking their man whether or not he is attracted to other
women. A man who doesn’t look at anyone, or feel anything for them is either very old, very t ired
or lying. There is nothing wrong for a man to look at and admire other women, as long as he does it
discretely, and not make a show of it before others or before you – as long as he doesn’t use it to
make you insecure or competitive with the other women.
Looking at and responding to others doesn’t mean he doesn’t find you desirable, or that he’s
comparing you. Most men fuel their sexuality and fantasies by looking at and admiring others. If
you ask them to talk about it , not only will it make you nervous, but they can often feel shamed,
embarrassed and exposed, unable to do what they do naturally, without being censured. Enjoy his
love for you and leave well enough alone.
2)Details of his past relationships.
Some women become obsessed with finding out everything about their man’s past relationships. They
need to know if they measure up, if he’s as happy with them as he was with others, what went wrong
in the past relationships, or if he’s really over a past love.
There’s no need to probe this, however. He was a different man in the past. Don’t hold his past
wrongs against him. He doesn’t want to be reminded of them, and particularly doesn’t want you to
see him in a bad light. Let him be who is he now.
Let him feel good about how he is with you, not be dragged past into memories of other people or of
what did or did not do. The best way for him to forget old girlfriends is to feel happy, close and
safe with you. Because he loved once, does not mean he cannot love again now. When we let the past
be the past that is where it will stay.
3)Whether or not he’s really happy in the relationship?
Many women just can’t wait to get around to the “relationship” discussion. They want to know how
he’s feeling about things in general, and at some point or another, sit him down to get all the
details. This makes most men feel pressured, on the line and restless. They don’t know exactly what
you want them to tell you or what it ‘s going to mean. Some fear repercussions for what they say.
Communication that’s healthy in a relationship is on- going. It’s good to set up a situation where
both of you can express your feelings as they arise – have them heard and attended to.
Sitting down for an “intense” discussion is not something most men are comfortable doing. It makes
them feel judged and criticized and if it happens too often, can easily make them drift away.
4)If he enjoys being with his friends more than being with you?
4 Secret s M en Keep And Why You Should L et Them
Many women become possessive of their man’s attention and resentful of t ime spent away from them,
particularly nights out with the guys or any t ime spent with other friends, having a good t ime.
The women want to be included in everything as proof of his love for them. When the guy has spent t
ime with his buddies, they want to know if he enjoyed that t ime more than being with them. It is a
bad idea to question him about this, or make him feel that he has to choose. Time spent with
buddies is crucial for many men, it is a t ime of male bonding that is greatly needed, no
matter how much he cares for you.
Some women interfere with her man’s friendships and even his relationship with his family, she
feels so threatened. But truly loving someone means allowing them to be all of whom they are –
fulfilling all their needs and realizing that no matter how much they love you they also need
others in their lives. When you have a truly healthy relationship, you are secure in his feelings
for you, and want to see him happy and fulfilled with others. The more fulfilled he is, the more he
can then give to you. Let the t ime he has with his buddies belong to him. Don’t question him about
details, don’t make him feel guilty as though he is taking something away from you. cc/author/2006
Copyright 2006 Brenda Shoshanna
What if Your Relat ionship Could Be . .
Imagine-the richest relationship you could ever have. What would that be like?
Envision-a relationship in which conflicts, even fighting, don’t drive you apart but deepen the
connection between you.
Picture-the sheer joy of discovering a love that thrives on the ordinary experiences of everyday
life and is more passionate and spiritually satisfying than your most lavish fantasy.
Trust-you can keep romance alive no matter how long you are together! Is that a relationship you
Not only is a love like this possible, but it ‘s available to you right now. All you have to do is
be willing to change your mind.
Consider the Following.
What if you and your partner were freely and lovingly open to the differences between you?
It’s easy to love what’s familiar. But when you open to the ways your partner is not you, and your
partner does the same, that’s the gift of differences-to be loved for who you really are!
What if you could find the most sincere intimacy at the heart of your differences? You get to know
more about yourself and one another as you grow together.
What if your relationship could reveal the source of a larger future than you’ve yet imagined?
What each of you brings to your relationship that is different from what you both already know
provides you with the opportunity to learn. That automatically creates a larger future than you
could have imagined or created alone.
What if your conflicts could be a source of support and security, rather than the kiss of death?
In every conflict, each of you has some different piece of the truth. In a productive conflict, you
have to recognize and appreciate your own truth as well as your partner’s and come to a resolution
that benefits both of you.
What if your differences could be the doorway to spiritual growth and mutual fulfillment?
Spiritual growth is about becoming more and more conscious, about a genuine regard for the
differences that make others who they are. That leads you to a deeper sense of connection and
appreciation for the rich diversity of all of life.
What if you could have a continually changing yet completely committed love?
It’s essential that you embrace the reality of change. Otherwise you will stifle if not cut off the
emotional bond and spiritual energy between you and your partner. Then you’ll become bored, and
your love will die.
What if you and your partner were sure you could create an intimate, loving relationship?
Your relationship would be like a work of art, an expression of each of you individually, of the
two of you together, and of the oneness you share when you let your love lead.
What if Your Relat ionship Could B e . .
When you take the t ime to understand and explore these keys to lasting love, your exploration can
be a source of new intimacy for you-both of you-an intimacy that allows you to be loved for who you
The Secret Of True L ove ……
Have you ever asked yourself what is the Secret of True Love? Take This….
The ability to fetch a wonderful thought from the universe (just like you pluck a beautiful flower
from the garden) and to care about it long enough and to pay it undivided attention such that
whoever is the recipient of the thought (be it your partner, your child, your parents or your
friend) immediately from that point on feels damn good even if he or she is miles away from you.
This is the secret of True Love…..This is the way relationships grow and blossom into a full
blown rose flower…
Strength does not lie in licking a woman’s breast; even a stray dog can do that. Strength is always
the power of a beautiful thought not the domination of the muscle. The strength of a muscle can
break a dozen bones but it cannot travel beyond a certain distance. A glorious thought however can
travel leap years ahead, beyond continents and beyond the realm of t ime and space. It can deliver
messages at lightening speed and can rebuild a million lives and bring smile to humanity. It is
Attention to a caring or authentic thought is what is love .Every other thing is a stray dogs meal.
So what are the qualities of a great relationship?
The first and foremost is to FEEL DAMN GOOD ! If you don’t feel good reading this email, if you
don’t feel good talking to someone, if you don’t feel good when someone walks into your house then
there is a good chance that you really do not care about the relationship too much….
So feeling good is the highest attribute of a great relationship. Everything else is secondary. You
have to learn the ability to fall in love with your thoughts…And then love in all forms be it
money, relationships or health will come knocking at your doors. You can sitting in a remote corner
of the world send out a wonderful and caring thought and the person at the other end can
immediately feel damn good…. Thoughts are way too powerful it is just that you have not
experienced its power, its strength.
John once told me that that poverty is a state of mind being broke is only a passing phase. You
don’t have to regret being broke He had experienced the downside of life…
Hatred and animosity towards your partner is a state of mind facing big t ime problems in your
relationships is a passing phase. You can turn the tables around very quickly…
Feeling low and weak is a state of mind , current health problems is only a passing phase.
You should not mistake the current circumstances to be your destiny. They are only a passing phase
what is permanent is your thoughts, your state of mind. That is where you have to begin the work.
If you pay too much attention to the current events surrounding you then you become a play tool of
circumstances and events . You got to learn the fine art of holding on to fewer thoughts, of
breaking focus of your day to day problems and caring about your thoughts….
Would you like to learn the fine art of sitting in a remote corner and sending a caring thought to
your partner who is miles away from you and the moment you release this loving thought he or she
feels damn good ? Would you like to learn that skill?
The Secret Of True L ove ……
Would you like to fetch a powerful thought, an idea, nourish it take care of it , give it legs feed
it with strength and then send this loving thought to the universe and the universe in turn hands
you cash…? A Million dollars or more. Would you like to experience this? You think all this is
fun, philosophical bookish… Damn It ! They are all a piece of cake. All great things were backed
up by blazing clarity of thoughts. Go back and re-read history and you will see that most of the
millionaires and rich people were broke or average at a certain point of their life….
Ditto with Health…. There have been cases where cancer has been cured with the power of thoughts.
This is no joke. I am not hear to have fun. I don’t enjoy writing ordinary mails. My mails reach
the recipients heart faster than the Fedex guys…I am pretty serious with what I do. John would
seem casual on occasions but he has a mighty heart, a reservoir of spiritual energy and so he can
afford to play with certain things. Not you and me…
The moment of truth has arrived….
Problem is the obstacle and Problem is the key. For Problems according to ancient scriptures is the
guardian of knowledge. The supreme obstacle is the supreme door.
You can chose with all your might to overcome problems and knock it down and even if you are
successful you will find that a new wall has already been formed behind the existing one. It is a
never ending game a totally futile action a, complete waste of energy. Would you like to continue
doing this or would you like to open the secret door to experiencing true love , because love is
money, love is relationships and love is great health… It is a piece of cake as clear as the blue
sky you can see it with both eyes all you need is insight, a spark of curiosity , a collision with
feeling if you will….
A murmur in the soul tells of a world to be…says the great John Harricharan . I am pretty sure
there is no soul in this earth save a few who knows his real strength. He is a mighty warrior who
can save a million souls he has got that strength. I have seen and experienced it . He is the real
deal … The t ime to unlock his reservoir has finally arrived… You are damn lucky to be living
in an age where John is physically alive. Go and re-read what I have written above and compare it
to the best texts you have written and you will see that there is something in this mail which
touches your deepest being, which bruises your ego, causes a rash in your body. Thoughts are mighty
powerful. They can generate wealth, build homes, and bring a smile onto your face. I would like to
see one in your being this moment right now….
Come join us in this epic Power Pause Workshop and we will completely transform your life
. We will hand over all these skills on a platter. It would be fun, adventurous and breathtaking.
This is no ordinary workshop… You got to experience it ….
Imagine the joy you would feel when you are able to fetch a wonderful thought from the universe and
send it to the universe and the universe in turn helps you generate tons of cash, builds your
relationship and automatically takes care of your health. You think this is a dream. You could say
so because there are handful few in this world who are living this dream. And today is your golden
chance to do so.
So just to recap this is what you take away with you as a Power Pause Workshop Attendee:
1) The Complete Power Pause Kit which includes the PDF book with bundles of other Bonuses which
currently sells for $97. You get it as a physical shipment in the form of a CD.
2) The Complete Video of Power pause(not yet released to the pubic selling in private circles for
$197. You get it as a gift once you join this program). You get this in the form of a DVD.
3) Four High Powered Teleseminars by John where he takes live case studies and shows you step by
step in a gentle and caring manner how great tools are identified and personalized and how you can
turn your back on to problems and recreate the magical colours of life… He has never done this
before. This is a great challenge to him and it is going to work wonders for you..Even if you miss
this call the entire call would be recorded and the transcript also available to you as a download.
4) Six Member Mastermind Group . Four State of the Art Group Calls which will be intense, personal
and taken care of by me. I will personally put you in groups of six so that you get sufficient
chance to get up and close with me. This would the perfect icing on the cake and it would be so
wonderful to be sharing with each of you those great tools which John has personally taught me and
which has worked magic into my life.
The stage is set for a grand finale… All you got to do is enter the field and the rest we will
take care…. You will look back on this day with pride, with a smile which nature will endorse,
Dreams will turn real…. Love will work its way into your thoughts, you will experience
In studying books we are sometimes deluded into thinking that thereby we are being spiritually
helped; but , if we analyse the effects of the study of books on ourselves, we shall find that at
the utmost, it is only our intellect that derives profit from such studies, and not our inner
spirit. This inadequacy of books to quicken spiritual growth is the reason why, although almost
everyone of us can speak most wonderfully on spiritual life, we find ourselves so awfully
deficient. To quicken the spirit, the impulse must come from another soul. Today is your chance to
meet up with a gigantic spirit . Hold yourself no more. Break free and dance your way into life….
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The Secret Of True Love ……