When I started my journey as an energy healer and an abundance coach, it became pretty obvious to me that I have a fear of rejection.
More than once, I was shamed, ridiculed and told that I was doing something wrong. Whether it was about energy healing, helping others with emotional release or sharing about the Law of Attraction. It did not matter to the critics. In the beginning, I took such comments personally.
It’s even ridiculous, come to think of it. These friends had formed their judgments even though they hardly knew about my work, the research I had done or about the empirical evidence I had gathered. There was little attempt to understand these. No questions were asked.
But would it have made a difference?
They were already dead set in their opinions.
My problem was that I allowed what they say to bother me.
I can still recall energy draining from me.
The red flush that came over my face,
The hurt that I felt
and how my heart had dropped.
Indeed, the fear of rejection was a big thing for me. Even though I carried on doing what I believed in, I secretly craved for approval deep down inside. I longed to have that pat on my back for a job well done, to be acknowledged with nods, and to hear words of support. Well, my secret hopes for external validation did not quite manifest.
And so, once upon a time, I had reasoned that it would be safer to thread a lot more carefully, to hide and to be invisible. I wanted to escape attention from the people who were going to react in horror and who believed that I was going to burn in hell or something for what I do. While I did put myself out there, I would often retreat whenever I felt that it was unsafe to do so.
Years of growth have passed since then.
I have walked through the dungeons of my fear and emerged to be where I am today – a lot more free, fulfilled and self-accepting.
Along the way, I found out the fear of rejection had many aspects and layers. It’s also associated with “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not unworthy” and “I’m not lovable”. As I have found, eliminating this fear completely is not an overnight thing. It’s deeply rooted and it took multiple sessions of clearing work.
Overcoming My Fear of Rejection
Just about a month ago, it happened again.
I was posting about mental health on Facebook and emphasising the importance of calling helplines if one is struggling. Well, a few friends turned this into a joke in a private chat group. Their banter diminished the seriousness about what I had to share.
I knew I should not take things personally but undeniably, when I found out about the joke, I felt a sharp tinge of hurt. In that very moment, I became aware that I was perceiving rejection. As I followed the story of fear, I was hit with nausea – a sick sensation in my stomach and an old feeling of dread that arose.
Fortunately, I was mindful enough to know what the story was doing to me. I could see that it’s not necessarily true that my friends are rejecting me; even though they might not have understood or fully accepted what I do. In any case, I also realised that I don’t need everyone’s approval. In fact, it would be impossible to get everyone’s approval.
What is of greater importance is that I practice self-acceptance and stand in the power of what I believe in. Additionally, I can choose to spend my energy and time with selective friends and those who’s open and willing to listen to what I have to share. And so, I reached out Even More to others by hosting free webinars and live sessions.
These days, I allow myself to feel the fear but at the same time, I don’t allow it to define me. That the fear of rejection should come up – through physical disruption – is only offering me the feedback that there are more layers to peel. Most of all, I have learnt to embrace myself and to follow the voice of my heart over the fear of rejection.
My inner work is to observe fear, so that I can transmute the feelings that arise and transcend the lessons that it has for me.
Hopefully, I can pass these lessons on to those needing to hear them too.
How to Overcome the Fear of Rejection
The fear of rejection can hold you back from stepping into greater confidence. You are not able to show up, be the leader that you are meant to be or align with your potential. It puts a ceiling on your dreams, limits your potential to grow and keeps you trapped in playing small.
So, if you struggle with the fear of rejection, here are 3 sets of reframe for your consideration…
1. Make the distinction between “I am fear” and “I feel fear”. When you tell yourself “I feel fear”, you’d know that just like any other feelings, fear can dissipate. You are not your fear of rejection.
2. Fear is offering you feedback. When you feel scared, anxious or tensed, you are offered an opportunity to release fear. The more you can release fear, the greater the freedom you are going to attain. Fear is giving you great lessons for transcendence and transformation.
3. Shift from fear of rejection into self-acceptance. Perhaps the greatest lesson in the fear of rejection is learning to love and accept yourself. Hence, learn to accept that you are different, that your dreams are special and that you don’t need to seek approval for who you are. As you shift into greater self-acceptance, you’d find it easier to feel the fear and do it anyway!
If despite reading the above and if fear continues to sabotage you because you are in self-rejection, apply for a discovery call with me right away!
Hope this article helps! Share your thoughts below.
Love and abundance always,
P.S. Would appreciate some social media love if you have enjoyed my vulnerable post
The post What the Fear of Rejection Taught Me About Self-Acceptance appeared first on Abundance Coach for Women in Business | Evelyn Lim.