How to Heal Childhood Wounds: 4 Common Patterns
A childhood wound is an emotional pain or a negative belief that a part of us internalised due to a traumatic past event or the relationship we had with our parents or caregivers when we were young.
As I have discovered, unresolved childhood wounds can adversely affect the quality of life in our adult years. Indeed, they have an impact on our personalities, beliefs, career choices, and relationships. We can also be passing on our childhood wounds to the future generations.
Our wounded child is acting up if we often find ourselves in self-sabotage, making poor choices or having over-the-top reactions to triggers. She or he is crying for attention of unhealed emotions. If we choose to ignore our wounded child, we can be stuck for years.
Awareness helps to kickstart our healing journey. We can start to uncover the emotional childhood wounds that we have. In this article, I am sharing 4 common patterns. Manifesting what we do want and transforming our life often becomes a lot easier after healing work is done.
4 Common Patterns of Childhood Wounds
Learn to identify 4 common patterns of childhood wounds and check to see if you have them…
1. Abandonment Wound
– Feels left behind & lonely.
– Rather insecure.
– Co-dependency.
Description: If you’ve often felt lonely, left behind or left out, you may have an abandonment wound. It could be tied to childhood where you’ve perceived being abandoned by your parents or caregivers. As a result, you have deep fears of being left on your own and can become clingy and needy.
Sabotaging Pattern: Tendency to quit on relationships on suspicion that the partner is going to leave anytime soon and tendency to abandon projects early.
How to Heal Childhood Wound: Remind yourself that other people are not abandoning you. Distinguish between fact vs fiction. Release any past abandonment childhood wound (one option is to apply EFT tapping). Stay committed to projects.
2. Guilt Wound
– Feels “sorry” when asking for things.
– Uses guilt to manipulate others.
– Can’t seem to set boundaries.
Description: If you’ve often felt like you need to take care of others, you may have a guilt childhood wound. As a child, you may have been made to feel bad for asking for things and that you are not deserving. As a result, you try to over-give or be “good”. Yet, when you do so, your efforts are not appreciated. It is also when you guilt-trip others. This doesn’t satisfy you either.
Sabotaging Pattern: Tendency to be around those who make you feel guilty.
How to Heal Childhood Wound: Avoid thinking that you have to rescue everyone. Release any guilt that your inner child is holding on to. Work on setting healthy boundaries.
3. Betrayal Wound
– Can’t trust.
– Suspicious of others.
– Want control.
– Need plenty of external validation.
Description: When you generally don’t trust life, you may have a betrayal childhood wound. It may be that your parents weren’t able to fulfil promises or have failed you in some way. In order to compensate, you find yourself needing control. However, the inability to control everything causes you to feel vulnerable and insecure.
Sabotaging Pattern: Tendency to attract people who would betray you or who fail to keep promises.
How to Heal Childhood Wound: Build inner trust by keeping to promises & commitments to yourself first. Heal any betrayal wound that comes from the past. Practice surrender and letting go, knowing that you are actually safe.
4. Neglect Wound
– Low self-worth.
– Feels vulnerable, uncared for and unsupported.
– Represses feelings.
Description: When you often feel unsupported and have deep fears of being rejected and “not important”, you may have a neglect childhood wound. You are afraid of “not being seen” and you bottle anger on the inside. This can cause you to have sudden outbursts.
Sabotaging Pattern: Tendency to attract situations where you are “unseen” or unappreciated.
How to Heal Childhood Wound: Acknowledge how your inner child feels and help her (or him) to release any bottled up emotions. Let her know that you are there for her now and that you are always available to support her.
Summary of Childhood Wounds
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Heal Your Childhood Wounds: What Is Next
The above are 4 common patterns to childhood wounds, amongst others. It’s possible for anyone to have more than one wound pattern. For a start, learn to identify the various patterns and aspects and how they may have impacted you. Stay alert to the 7 signs that your inner child may be asking for help.
“The emotional wounds and negative patterns of childhood often manifest as mental conflicts, emotional drama, and unexplained pains in adulthood.” ~Unknown
Awareness is only the first step. For healing to be integrated, I recommend looking into using a somatic approach such as EFT tapping. In the book The Body Keeps the Score, we find out that the body stores the trauma and therefore, it is vital for releasing the wounds or negative patterns from the body. Do reach out to me if you need assistance on EFT tapping for wounded child healing.
Hope this helps,
Evelyn Lim
Abundance Coach for Women
Accredited Advanced EFT Practitioner
Matrix Reimprinting Practitioner
Related articles:
1. What is Wounded Child Healing
2. 7 Signs that Your Wounded Child Needs Help
3.What is Reparenting Yourself and How to Get Started
The post How to Heal Childhood Wounds: 4 Common Patterns appeared first on Abundance Coach for Women in Business | Evelyn Lim.
Magical Mornings – How to Get More Done Before Breakfast
There is something special about waking up early each day.
It is a secret sauce for getting a heck of a lot more done in life.
Almost 3 weeks ago I decided to change my daily schedule by waking up at 4am each day.
4am you say?!
You bet!
Let me tell you how to do it shortly.
But first, let me quickly tell you why I have chosen to do this.
Why wake up so early?
There are literally zero distractions. Your willpower is at its highest. You can focus 100 percent on whatever your biggest goal in life is.
Think about this:
If you were to wake up at 4am each day and get in 3 hours of deep, focused, work before most people wake up at around 7am, that totals 21 hours of work a week, 82 hours of work a month, and over 1,000 hours of work for the year.
1,000 hours of focused, deep work a year is equal to 125x 8hour working days… but these are not your typical 8hr working days with interruptions, meetings, and breaks. These are 8 hours of FOCUSED, DEEP WORK on your most important goals.
Taking it a step further, 125x 8 hr working days is equal to working full-time, in a deep and focused state on your most important goals for 25 weeks of the year! That is just shy of 6 months.
It is crazy how these numbers stack up.
And all it takes it simply waking up earlier and getting focused on what matters most and being consistent with it.
Does it really work?
Most definitely!
In the last three weeks I have:
- Completely updated my Change Your Life program.
- Ran a Flash Sale for you guys.
- Overhauled my website – new theme, new homepage, mostly a lot of backend and design elements that will make things simpler moving forward (check it out if interested and tell me what you think).
- Created a side hustle which I have been hustling on for the last couple of weeks (unfortunately it is not going as well as I had planned… I rapidly launched this to test the idea and so far, it is a slow start).
- Created two other multi-page websites (fully designed and complete) as part of the new side hustle.
- Got more exercise in… being able to go for a walk or a bicycle ride at 5am while the sun is rising is incredibly special… there is something about it that is magical.
- Read 3 books… although this one is because I have changed my night-time routine (to help me start effectively with my morning).
Just writing the above makes me feel in awe of this process. It is simply amazing the output that can be created when this time stacks up each day.
But it is not as simple as it sounds… mostly because I have three young children between the ages of 1 and 5. So, as any parent would understand, trying to stick to a schedule is incredibly hard!
The mornings are the easy part because everyone is sleeping. The hardest part is getting to sleep on time.
I need at LEAST 8 hours of sleep each night to perform at my best. So, to wake up at 4am means getting to bed no later than 8pm. But even then, it is impossible to get a full 8 hours of sleep in because my kids are always waking up each night. I have not had a full-night’s sleep for 5 years now, except for the odd occasion when I am away for business travel. Any parents with young children reading this know exactly what I am talking about!
Here is the reality.
I have only actually woken up at 4am twice during this time (well, one time I got up at 3:57am which was ever better).
To get an 8 hour sleep I really need “bed time” of 8.5 hours, and preferably 9 hours.
Getting to bed at 8pm is tricky. My kids are often still mucking around until 8pm, or sometimes even 8:30pm!
And then there is that time I used to spend with my wife – after the kids are sleep and before our own sleep. This was our quality time together. Going to bed at 8pm took this way.
As a result, I have been tweaking my strategy over the past few weeks and my typical day now looks like:
- Bed-time between 8:30pm and 9pm
- Awake at 5:30am.
So, my goal of 4am has only been achieved twice. But that’s ok, because every other day over the past 3 weeks I have been up by 6am at the very latest.
This has given me at least one hour every day, and probably about 1 hour and 45minutes on average over the past 3 weeks to really focus deeply on these goals.
Even just 1 hour of deep, focused, work a day, will tally up to 45 rock solid 8 hr days with no breaks, which tallies 2 and a half months of full-time work a year. And again, this is time purely on deep, focused, work. Incredible!
How do you do it?
I found it quite simple.
You simply set a strict rule for yourself in terms of your bedtime and wake up time.
Make sure you push all your bed-time rituals forward to meet your deadline. ie, stop drinking caffeine earlier in the day, stop all your screen time earlier than usual, eat earlier if need be, and so forth.
The main thing is to really internalise the benefits of doing this. The primary benefit being that you will get undistracted, highly focused work done on your most important goals in life. Whether that is working on a big project at work, perhaps it is doing your side hustle, or perhaps it is writing your book, or perhaps it is getting your daily exercise in.
Whatever it is, you need to internalise the benefit of doing this and achieving it.
The other thing is to plan the night before what you will do in the morning.
You do not want to wake up, hit your desk, and then use your willpower and waste time trying to figure out what you are going to do.
Instead, have it planned… know exactly what you are going to do.
Perhaps its that you will write 1,000 words of your book, or that you are going to go for a bicycle ride through the park, or that you are going to research a certain topic.
Having it planned means that within five minutes of waking up, you are focused and doing productive work.
My first 3 weeks have been amazing.
The challenge for me now is to keep this up. I have no intention of stopping this.
I challenge you to experience the magic of the mornings.
This is the time you can really change your life, by working at it every single day.
When you win your mornings, you win the day.
Are you with me?
Brendan
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