Author: selhpdy

The Power of Setting BIG, Hairy, Audacious Goals

self-help

Just over 10 weeks ago I wrote an article challenging you to work towards a goal for 10 weeks. It was titled the “10 Week Health and Fitness Challenge” because my personal 10 week challenge was to run under 58 minutes for the world’s largest fun run – the City to Surf.

Now, that 10 weeks is up!

Firstly, I want to ask you how did YOU go? Did you participate in the challenge? If so, how did you go? What successes did you have? What challenges did you face? How has it improved your life?

If you didn’t take part in the challenge, I want you to answer honestly to yourself “why not?”

What held you back from taking part in the 10 week challenge? Was it that you lacked clarity on what you wanted to achieve? Is it that you had a goal but you thought it was too big of a challenge to complete in 10 weeks? Did you have some self-limiting beliefs? Was it that there would be no-one to hold you accountable other than yourself so you didn’t take part?

Really think deeply about this. I want you to raise your standards. When you are offered to take part in a challenge like this, I highly encourage you to take part. There’s nothing to lose and everything to gain.

I’d love to hear your comments below this article.

But let me share with you how I went against my own challenge and what I’ve learned.

Marathon

 

My Successes and FAILURES in my 10 Week Health and Fitness Challenge

I challenged myself to run under 58 minutes for the world’s largest fun run – the City to Surf. This is a 14km run that takes you from the heart of the city in Sydney to one of the most iconic beaches in the world – Bondi Beach.

My training was average.

I set myself a clear strategy which I detailed extensively in my initial post however I did find it hard to stick to.

Firstly, I found that with different schedules it was hard to organize times to train with my brother, Mike and my mate, Andy. This meant my training was mostly by myself.

Secondly, my plan for eating purely healthy foods with the exception of occasional dark chocolate completely did not happen 🙂 On the whole I’ve been pretty good, but there have definitely been times when I’ve spoiled myself over the past couple of months. Every piece of nutrition adds up and can dramatically affect your overall energy levels and performance in life and this is why this is an area of continuous improvement for me (and should be for you too)… it does take tremendous discipline to say no to certain foods 🙂

Thirdly, about 5 weeks into my 10 week challenge I knew that there was a possibility I would not be able to actually take part in the City to Surf. There was a good chance that I was going to be flying to Washington DC for business the day prior to the race. This halted my training (as well as my motivation) for a couple of weeks.

Immediately, I recognized in me how important it is to have goals… once I had the likelihood of my original goal not being achieved it dramatically lowered my motivation. It was a very interesting experience. I’m sure this has happened thousands of times throughout my life but because I went public with this challenge I was focused on it more I was a lot more aware of my own feelings.

With 3 weeks to go it was confirmed that I wouldn’t be able to race in the City to Surf. This completely gutted me! I LOVE this run! It’s such an amazing feeling having 80,000 people around you all working towards the same goal… and it was going to be the first time that my wife, Sylvia would join me.

Needless to say, without the goal of the City to Surf to work towards my training tanked. I also became more focused on other priorities in life such as my career and business.

But then I decided to do something crazy…

 

Setting a Bigger, Meaner and Harder Goal

When it comes to running festivals in Sydney there are two major events. Firstly, there is the City to Surf which I unfortunately was not able to attend. Secondly, there’s an event that has been known to break people down, injure thousands and actually cause death… it’s 42km of pain, endurance and determination. Yes, it’s the marathon.

I was having lunch with Mike (my brother) and he suggested that because I can no longer run the City to Surf that instead I run the marathon!

Immediately, I thought to myself “he’s gone mad!”

The furthest I’ve ever run is the City to Surf and that’s 14km. This alone breaks me down and causes me to walk away with extremely sore legs. I considered doing a half-marathon (21km) but thought to myself that it’s just way too far for me to run and that the training and preparation alone would kill me.

Days later, I’m having lunch with Mike again and he tries to convince me once more to do a marathon. I actually thought about what I do here with The Start of Happiness and thought that this would be a great case-study to share with you guys.

What if I could run a marathon with little training? How much of it is mindset? What barriers, challenges and beliefs am I going to have to break through to run this distance and successfully complete the marathon?

So, putting myself on the line and in the name of experimentation, I decided to say “You’re on!” and paid the $140 registration fee.

Over in the USA I unfortunately didn’t manage to do any training… and my diet was pretty poor. So I was off to a very poor start for training and considering the race was only 5 weeks away I was starting to get a little nervous. I realize I need to develop my own self-discipline.

Now, I have just under 3 weeks to prepare for my first (and probably only) marathon. In saying that, I have been back in Sydney for a week and I did train 4 times last week and they were all fantastic sessions.

Since signing up and returning home to be focused on the marathon, I’ve felt a new determination, focus and energy as I have a new goal to work towards.

In terms of my own mindset, I find it quite amazing. Previously, I was focused on running 14km as fast as I could. Now that my goal is to run 42km which is MUCH more challenging, I immediately feel that 14km is an easy distance to run. It’s weird… it’s just a mindset shift. But again, it proves to me that the goals you focus on are SO important in your life. If you set small goals, you will achieve small things. If you set BIG goals, you will achieve big things (and I hope to prove this by completing my first marathon with just 4 weeks of training).

 

My New Strategy

Now that I’ve created a goal that is significantly more challenging, I need a strategy that will significantly increase my probability of completing the marathon.

Firstly, let’s get specific. I could just say I want to complete the marathon… but this just doesn’t really motivate me. It doesn’t motivate me to run at all or to really push myself as hard as I could.

Instead, I’ve decided that the time I want to run the marathon in is under 4 hours and 30 minutes. I’ve based this off the fact that at my best it takes me 1 hour to run 14km (the City to Surf). If I maintain this pace I could complete the marathon in 3 hours. This is incredibly fast! I’d love to be able to maintain this pace for 14km, but the fact that I’m normally a walking jellyfish after the City to Surf lets me know that it’s highly unlikely I’ll be able to maintain that pace 😛

I figured a more conservative pace, allowing for toilet breaks and some walking, 4 hours and 30 minutes is a reasonable target.

 

Nutrition and Hydration

I’m following my Ultimate Guide to Healthy Eating and continue to do so. The main thing that changes is that I need to eat enough food to replenish and repair my body after each workout or training run. My key nutrition after training will be coconut water, bananas, sandwiches and cereal.

The tricky thing for me is that because my goal is now 42km and the fact that this is going to take me about 4.5 hours to complete, I’m going to need to rehydrate and give myself nutrition DURING the run. I’ve never done this before! So I need to learn how to do this and what’s the right food/drink to take.

 

Cross-training

Cross-training is as important as ever for me. Previously, I’ve had knee injuries from running too much on concrete. I’m going to cross-train with swims and cycles as much as possible to reduce the risk of knee (or other) injuries. Already since establishing my new 42km goal, I’ve smashed my best ever distance in the pool (by 50%) and distance on the bicycle (by 100%!). Again, this has immediately proved to me the power of goals.

 

Focus on time (not distance)

Previously, training for the City to Surf I would focus on running for 6km, 8km or 10km at a time and try beat my previous times. Now, my strategy is to build my endurance. Instead of going for the time, my plan is to run, cycle and swim for longer durations (albeit at a slower pace). For example, I’ll focus on running for an hour, instead of trying to run 10km in under 45 minutes.

 

Learning!

As this is all completely new to me, I plan to read as much as I can about training for marathons and learn about strategies for beginners in running a marathon.

 

3 Weeks to Go!

So, there’s just 20 more days to prepare and train for this marathon. I’m super-keen to do it and if I complete it in under 4 hours and 30 minutes I’d be extremely happy. Firstly, I need to just ensure I finish!

If you have run a marathon before and have any tips or suggestions for me, I’d love to hear from you! Please let me know in the comments below.

Also, if you took part in the 10-Week Challenge, I’d love to hear about your successes or challenges and what you have learned.

Stay inspired!

Brendan

 

 

 

The post The Power of Setting BIG, Hairy, Audacious Goals appeared first on The Start of Happiness.

Trajectory: A Model For Your Path in Life

self-help

Today, I’m going to share with you a concept that I absolutely love. It’s something that I remind myself of on a regular basis to help me move forward, stay focused and stay disciplined in the direction of my goals.

It’s a concept that I like to call trajectory.

Your trajectory is simply the path in life that you choose. When you continue to progress your life in a certain direction you will reach a certain end-goal. The thing is, a slight change in your trajectory can lead to huge differences in the outcomes you get in life.

 

Trajectory: Which Path Will You Choose?

 

Let’s Get Specific

Let’s look at an example. If you’re currently at University or if you think back to when you were at University, you had the world at your feet and you could choose the subjects and majors that you wanted to study. You could say that this point in time was the starting point of your career.

Let’s say you had an interest in doing Marketing and an interest in the Arts but you had to make a decision between the two and build a career in one of them. In this case, you choose the Arts. Over time, you become very proficient in the Arts and you gain a solid understanding in your early career to propel you forward.

Now, what if you chose Marketing? Well, this would mean that you have set a completely different path and direction for your life. Again, in the first few years you will have developed a solid foundation and understanding of Marketing which can propel you well into the future.

You can imagine the difference in your path and outcomes as like in the graph below. The bottom (x axis) represents time and the left (y axis) represents the degree of variance in the outcomes you will achieve from following a certain path.

 

 Trajectory

 

As you can see from the above graph, the choice of path you take can have a significant impact on your destination in life. The path that you take is what I call trajectory. What trajectory are you currently on?

Now, what if you continued going down that particular path for more than 3 years? What if you spent 12 years working towards that particular goal?

As you can see from the chart below, over time, this leads to a HUGE variation in outcome in your life.

To put it into perspective, the little red box in the bottom left-hand corner represents the original chart above after just 3 years.

 

 Career Choice Graph

 

 

Current Life vs Desired Life

Now, where am I going with this?

I want you to know that the CHOICE of path you take can have a HUGE impact to the outcomes you desire in life.

That one simple choice you made at University and for your career can have a profound impact on your social groups, your love life, your free-time, your health, your knowledge and expertise, your location of residence, your income and the experiences that you have in life.

Unfortunately, I see a lot of people that are living a life similar to the below chart.

 

 Desired Life Chart

 

I see people on a particular trajectory that is currently leading them down a path that is unrewarding, unfulfilling and will not get them to what they truly desire in life.

And, as you can see, the longer they stay on their current trajectory, the greater the degree of variance from their desired life.

Let’s bring this back up and look at it with a common, real-life example.

You might currently be in a job that you dislike. Perhaps you knew early on in your career that you didn’t really enjoy the career path that you chose, but it paid you well and so you stuck at it. Now, perhaps 10 years later you have worked your way up and have solid experience under your belt. The only problem is, you still really dislike the career path that you have chosen and you’re still not satisfied, fulfilled or happy. You still have a deep desire, if not even deeper, to really pursue a career and life that is much more meaningful to you.

Now, the only problem is it’s a lot harder to move towards your desired life because the degree of variance is much greater than what it was years ago. When it comes to your career, this degree of variance can also represent income in many cases. The longer you are in your current job/career, the greater your income becomes and the harder it may be to completely change your trajectory and progress down your desired path.

Can you imagine how different your life would look right now if you made the decision 3 years ago to change your trajectory and start progressing towards your desired life? What if you made that decision 6 years ago? 10 years ago? 20 years ago?

 

Unhealthy Life vs Healthy Life

Let’s look at another common example. Let’s say you have the desire to lose weight and be more fit and healthy.

Firstly, you might currently be on a trajectory that provides you an unhealthy lifestyle. It might be that you are working longer hours and often eat takeaway. It might be that you prefer to watch TV as opposed to doing exercise. It might be that you simply haven’t made the conscious decision to start living a healthy life.

 

Healthy Life Chart

 

If you stay on that same trajectory, with time, the degree of variance from your desired life will only expand. You will put on MORE weight. You will have LESS energy. You will continue to live an unhealthy lifestyle.

Now, if you make the decision to set yourself up on a new trajectory and start living a healthy life, you will start to make some progress.

Initially, the progress will be small, but if you continue down that new trajectory you will see the results that you desire. Achieving results takes time. It takes hard-work, commitment and discipline in staying on that same trajectory no matter how difficult it may seem.

 

What Can You Do Right Now?

The most important thing you can do RIGHT NOW is to determine what the right trajectory is for you. Examine what your current trajectory is and ask yourself whether continuing down this path will lead you to the life you desire the most?

 Getting Started on the Right Trajectory

Here are some basic steps to get you started:

  1. Identify your desired outcomes in life
  2. Determine whether your current trajectory or path is leading you to those outcomes
  3. If not, identify what actions and steps are required for you to progress down your new trajectory
  4. Make an immediate decision and take immediate action and take your first step on your new trajectory.
  5. Stay focused, determined and disciplined in moving down the path of your new trajectory. This will be the hardest challenge you face. It’s human behaviour to want to stick to things we know and stick to things we are comfortable with. Make sure you are aware of your own comfort zone and remain committed to expanding your comfort zone and reaching the outcomes you desire.

 

Focus, determination and discipline, coupled with time, can lead you to anything you desire in life.

 

Want Some More Guidance?

There are a ton of other strategies you will need to be successful in progressing down your new trajectory and these are all provided to you in the Launch Your Life Academy. The good news is, the doors to the Academy are reopening next week! So if you’re keen to start living a passion based life and want to stay focused, motivated and disciplined in doing so and achieve the results in life you desire, then I highly recommend you get started with the Launch Your Life Academy. The doors are opening next Tuesday, 29th April for a very limited time so lock it in your diary! 🙂

 

For the Comments

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the concept of trajectory. Are you currently on the right path in your life? Do you desire to change? Have you tried changing previously? What successes or challenges have you experienced when stepping onto a new trajectory?

See you in the comments!

Brendan

 

Related Articles

 

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How to Validate Your Inner Child with What to Say

self-help

Validating our inner child is one of the best things we can do, especially if she (he) has suffered from emotional neglect for the longest time. When we validate her feelings, it aids in her healing and recovery. Her unresolved needs of not being listened to are now being met. Ultimately, it boosts our emotional well-being from the inside-out. 

Let’s understand more about what validation is about. In general, when we validate someone, we are showing that we acknowledge his or her emotional experience. The opposite is true of invalidation when we ignore, reject or judge the other person. 

Validation doesn’t mean that we have to agree with the reactions or choices of others. We are simply saying that we can understand why they would feel a certain way based on what happened. Also, we are demonstrating acceptance of who they are – regardless of how they feel or think.

What Happens When We Validate Someone Else

When we validate, we give them a safe space for them to safely share their thoughts and feelings. We don’t apply judgment while actively listening and we are open to hearing their side of the story. At the same time, we are assuring them that it is okay not to feel okay. Our task is to simply let them feel heard, understood, acknowledged and accepted. 

We validate with a nod or sign of agreement or understanding. Sometimes, validation entails listening and waiting for the person to share. At other times, it can be a hug or a gentle touch.

In the absence of validation, the other person may feel as if it is wrong for her to feel what she feels or that there is something wrong with her. It can create misunderstanding and problems in relationships. In fact, invalidation has been suggested as one of the primary reasons contributing to mental issues such as inflicting harm to oneself.

Many children have been taught from an early age that expressing their feelings were bad and wrong. They were not allowed to feel a certain way. Some were even severely punished for expressing their thoughts and feelings. In households where parents don’t model how to deal with feelings, there is an implicit sense of invalidation since no one talks about them. Clearly, there are benefits to validation. 

How to Validate Your Inner Child

Which brings me to how do we go about validating our inner child especially where her feelings have never been acknowledged previously. 

With validation, we start by being present and curious about what our inner child is going through. She may be unable to articulate what she feels at the start. However, we are patient and we allow her to feel safe to experience what she feels. A skilled practitioner can also be on hand to help her identify the emotions that she is having. (Contact me if you need assistance with processing emotions and feelings.)

Next, we nurture her by responding with certain comforting and assuring words or actions that validate her experience. An example of an action is the butterfly hug that we can apply. Some examples of words that we can use are as follows…

Hmm…I hear you.

It does sound hurtful.

It sure seems like you have a lot to deal with.

I know just what you mean.

Based on what you’ve described, am I right that you are feeling this _______?

How you feel matters to me. 

I acknowledge how you feel. 

You did the best you could with what you had back then.

It’s not what you do but who you are that I love.

You are NOT a mistake even if you have made one.

You have it in you to thrive in the world.

I see you. I trust you. I believe in you.

What to Say to Validate Your Inner Child

Validate Your Inner Child Often

Give your inner child the essential Vitamin: Validation! 

Start by validating your inner child, so that you can improve the relationship you have with yourself. Validation is a practice in self-love. I suggest validating her as often as you can. The more neglect you have experienced as a child, the more she would need Vitamin Validation. 

When you validate others, your relationships with them will also improve. You can also share with them this article on how validation simply raises mental health and boosts connection.

Shine in self-love always, 
Evelyn Lim 
Self-Love Healing Therapist

Related articles

1. How to connect with your inner child

2. Reparenting Yourself 

3. How to heal 4 common childhood wounds

The post How to Validate Your Inner Child with What to Say appeared first on Abundance Coach for Women in Business | Evelyn Lim.

10 Life Lessons That Have Made Me a Much Happier Person

self-help

“Happiness is a how, not a what. A talent, not an object.”

 Click to Tweet!

 

The older I get, the more that I experience life and the more I learn what truly makes me happy. Throughout my life, I have always been a pretty happy guy, but I have definitely had my ups and downs like every other person.

Happiness has always been an intriguing point of interest for me. I have always seen happiness as the epitome of all success that life can bring. To me, I believe income and status is important, however if it’s at the cost of happiness it’s not something I would want to continue to pursue.

Happiness comes in many forms and I’ve come to learn that it can be extremely different for all people. However, there are 10 lessons in life that I have learned and that I believe can help anyone become a more satisfied and happier person. I would like to share with you the 10 lessons in life that have made me a much happier person.

 

Awesome JumpingImage: Some friends and I frolicing in the vineyards. Gotta love that jump, right? 🙂

 

Learning to say I love you

For some reason, this was always a hard one for me, particularly with my immediate family. As I have grown older I have come to realize what my family have done for me throughout my life and that I am extremely thankful to them. I’m still learning to say “I love you” more and I still find it difficult (I think it’s part of our male genes to find this hard!) but when I do it gives me a great sense of happiness and I feel more authentic and honest with myself. Plus, I know that those I love really appreciate it.

 

Learning to forgive

There have been times in my life where I have felt betrayed or let down, and there have been times when I know I have let others down. Although sometimes hard, I have found that forgiving others and being able to forgive myself is essential for being able to move forward and regain a truly positive outlook in life.

 

Learning to say no

I used to struggle (and often still do) with saying no to people, events or situations which would then take up a lot of my time and have a negative impact on certain areas of my life. I have learned that saying no is essential for being able to focus on what I truly believe in, what I value and what is important to me in my life.

 

Learning to live my passion every day

Now that I’m working for myself, I have the pleasure of being able to spend my time how I want to spend my time. I get to incorporate my passion into everyday life and into the work that I do. I have come to learn that spending even the smallest amount of time living my passion each day can have a huge impact on the way I feel and on the success I achieve.

 

Learning to eat healthy & exercise regularly

The old saying goes ‘you are what you eat’ and I am a true believer of this. The amount of information on health and well being these days is absolutely enormous. Scientifically proven, eating healthy and exercising regularly can have huge physical and emotional benefits. I now exercise first thing in the morning for about 30-40mins, 5 days a week and this has helped me to feel more energetic and happier on a daily basis.

 

Learning to connect deeply

I used to be somewhat afraid of connecting deeply with others as I always thought that I was making myself too vulnerable in doing so. It’s kind of like learning to say “I love you”. I’m a lot more conscious of the benefits of connecting more deeply with others now and I actively try to do this. I have learned that making myself vulnerable and connecting deeply with others can help me become more relaxed, open and honest and helps me to be more of who I truly am. I have also learned that connecting deeply, being vulnerable and asking for help is essential for both growth and success. It also helps build a trustworthy and honest relationship.

 

Learning to see life differently

This is something that I continue to focus on and gain an understanding of to help me create my own lifestyle. I have learned that life is not meant to be taken so seriously and that life is simply about enjoying the time that we have and making a contribution in some way. I’m not a fan of the traditional corporate career and spending time working on another persons priorities. In saying that, I’m sure I’ll re-enter the corporate world at some stage but it will be with more of a focus on gaining the skills and experience necessary to move towards where I want to go with my life.

 

Learning to set my own goals

I never used to set my own goals. The world around me used to do it for me, such as my parents telling me what grades I should aim for or what job I should get, and my teachers telling me how to go about my schooling. Even into adulthood, my bosses and society (through social norms, peer pressure and media etc) would dictate what I would focus on. I have learned that by setting my own goals and focusing on what I truly believe in is the only way to live authentically, realise my full potential and sustain happiness.

 

Learning to count my blessings

When I was growing up as a child I took everything for granted. As I have become more aware of the world around me, I have come to realize that I am extremely blessed with good health, a great social circle and community and the freedom to live a life that I choose. I remind myself of this every day which helps me take to the world with a positive outlook and a mindset to make a difference.

 

Learning to give

Following on from the above, I have learned that giving is an essential ingredient for happiness. I have come to realize that the more I give the more that I get in return. This is in both giving to others and also giving of my time and energy into what I believe in. I have learned that by giving to others, it can enhance my relationships, build up trust and make a difference in the life of another. I have also learned that the more I give in terms of my time, energy and focus on my goals, the greater my return in terms of success and happiness.

 

Wrapping Up

Life continues to unfold and I continue to learn every single day. There are so many experiences and so many relationships that I have yet to have in life and I’m truly excited for what life has to bring.

I look forward to reading back over this post in a number of years and seeing what has changed in my life and what else I have learned about life, success and happiness.

What lessons have you learned about life, success and happiness?

Please share in the comments!

Brendan

 

Related Articles

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How to Release Chronic Worry and Anxiety from the Stomach Meridian (EFT Tapping)

self-help

When you are caught in anxiety, do you observe an unsettling or discomforting feeling in the stomach?

Well, anxiety and the stomach are said to be connected. According to Traditional Chinese Medicine, anxiety gets stored in the spleen/stomach/pancreas network. In this article, I’d like to bring focus to the link between anxiety and stomach issues.

First of all, while I sometimes use the words anxiety and worry interchangeably, let’s also understand that there is a difference according to psychologists.  

Differences Between Anxiety and Worry 

Worrying is feeling uneasy and overthinking about a situation or problem. Say, you worry over things like money, ability to survive or health. Worry is usually on something specific and more likely to be temporary. Once the situation is over, worry ends. 

On the other hand, anxiety is the reaction to situations perceived as stressful or dangerous. Anxiety is more permanent. It triggers a physical response. Where anxiety is excessive, you can also be diagnosed with a disorder. 

It’s possible to start with worrying before the uneasy feeling becomes anxiety, where there is the perception of a lack of control. Even after the threat or tigger is gone, anxiety remains. Your body system is still in a state of alert. 

Worry and Anxiety Released Through the Stomach Meridian 

Whether worry or anxiety, we can’t sleep at night. The overthinking mind keeps us in a loop of repeated thoughts. Our stomach gets all knotted up in fear. Metaphysically, it happens where we are not able to digest or accept our situation in life. Based on our projections, we are not able to envision a positive outcome.

Stress that is related to anxiety, slows down digestion. For some people, this can cause issues like constipation and bloating and for others, diarrhoea and frequent trips to the toilet. Stress can also worsen digestive conditions like stomach ulcers and irritable bowel syndrome.

Interestingly, if we want to access the stomach meridian, it is not made through the tummy area. Instead, it can be accessed by tapping under our eyes with our fingertips. Our stress response has been activated and we can calm it through EFT tapping on the meridian points

Tapping Stomach Meridian for Releasing Anxiety and Worry

Need to quell the stomach when you are feeling anxious or worried?

Well, tap Under the Eye for at least 7-8 times. Note that we may need to access more than just the stomach meridian to release chronic worry, anxiety, or fear. When using EFT tapping, we bring attention to our worry while applying some light pressure with our fingers. We are calming our sympathetic nervous system.  Through tapping, we are releasing our worry and anxiety and restoring safety and ease. 

Reconnect with the Present 

Overthinking distracts us from being in the present. However, let’s remind ourselves that we have the power to build something today, as yesterday is past and tomorrow is dependent on what we do now. The ability to change our future lies in the now. Hence, it would help to stay grounded. 

Fortunately, we can use somatic approaches (such as EFT tapping) to address our worry and anxiety and to override our habit of repetitive over-thinking and negative projections. Once we start to feel calmer, we are better able to make wiser decisions that impact our tomorrows. Beyond the shadow of doubt, a mind which is at ease supports our well-being. 

To your peace and wellness, 
Evelyn Lim
Abundance Coach

 

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Sometimes it Truly is the Little Things… So Always Keep Your Eyes, Ears, and Hearts Open!

self-help

“The art of being happy lies in the power of extracting happiness from common things.” ~ Henry Ward Beecher I’ve been thinking a lot about happiness lately. A global pandemic…. with constant bickering and dissention among most people affected by it… an unstable economy, and challenging trips to the store (when will they EVER load…

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Is He Throwing You Shade? 11 Signs of Disrespect From A Man You Should Never Put Up With

self-help

When a relationship is brand new, you sometimes ignore red flags because you are so excited to fall in love. Mutual respect is a vital part of a healthy relationship. Every couple will have their fair share of disagreements, but don’t excuse disrespectful behavior. Maybe you’ve started to notice some recurring disrespectful behavior from your …

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What is Emotional Bypassing and Why It Matters

self-help

Emotional bypassing happens when we don’t allow ourselves to fully process our negative feelings. Instead, we sweep them under the carpet or we gloss over them by “willing” the mind to think positively. Say, something traumatic happens to us. We don’t face it because we fear feeling worse off. Thus, instead of grieving or upset, we simply put on a brave front and pretend that all is fine. 

In another instance, we guilt-trip ourselves for feeling negative when we ought to be grateful. We believe that we have no right to complain about feeling poorly where someone else is at a more disadvantaged situation. And so we stuff our feelings inside. 

Emotional bypassing is often referred to as spiritually bypassing. It was the late psychologist John Welwood who coined the term spiritual bypassing to describe what he saw in a Buddhist community. He describes it as the “tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.” In the practice of non-attachment, many Buddhists deny what they truly feel.

However, those who practice other religions can be spiritually bypassing too. It happens where we are led to believe that a higher power will take care of our troubles and therefore there is no need for us to deal with hard feelings like anger, grief, fear, loneliness, envy, and shame. As a result, we adopt a sense of false positivity. 

Whatever the circumstance is, there are negative consequences that arise from emotional bypassing. For a start, we may not be consciously aware that we are doing this. Through the years, we’ve become numb and we don’t realise that we’ve actually closed our hearts. Yet, it’s through the same channel that we experience both the positive and negative feelings. By opening our hearts, we give ourselves the chance to make a shift from sadness to joy, from anger to peace and from fear to love. 

Consequences of Emotional Bypassing

Emotional bypassing is a form of coping mechanism. After all, we have been taught to put up a brave front. It’s embarrassing to let others know how vulnerable we feel. Unfortunately, when we don’t allow ourselves to release our negative feelings safely, they build up over time. It is possible that we develop issues like anxiety, depression and mental disorders. According to Traditional Chinese Medicine, excess emotional activity can also create organ impairments and affect physical health. 
 
When there are emotional wounds that are unresolved, our painful memories can come back to haunt us. It’s why we react excessively to small triggers. And we may find ourselves in repeated self-sabotage. Not forgetting, the body still remembers the trauma. Thus, we are in the same habitual patterns even though what we do doesn’t serve us.

Our ability to form healthy and loving relationship gets impacted. When we hold on to anger, we can’t truly forgive. For fear that we don’t get hurt again, we may choose to push away the ones who matter to us most. Because we secretly keep score, we show up with irritation, impatience and frustration. At the same time, we are unwilling to be honest with what we are truly feeling. These are examples of how emotional bypassing can lead to problems in our relationships. 

Clearly, if we want things to change, we will need to first recognise if emotional bypassing is something we have been doing. 

6 Signs if You Are Emotional Bypassing

Pin the infographic on emotional bypasing below onto your pinterest board 🙂 

The Path to Overall Wellness

We’ve been taught to look for the positive side to life, be optimistic, practice grateful for what we have and to find the silver lining behind the clouds. These are all great except that it will also help to process our negative feelings, when we have them. Heart and mind needs to be aligned, so that we can be resilient. 

Emotional health needs to happen for overall well-being. We give ourselves the space to work through any burden that we are carrying. It is very healthy to work on letting go of negative emotions. Reach out to me, if you need assistance with emotional healing and/or releasing the past.

Let’s also be aware that while we acknowledge what we feel, we avoid identifying with our emotional life since it is transient. Feelings come and go and we don’t allow our feelings to define us. We allow them to flow through, releasing them and not attaching ourselves to them. 

At every level of consciousness, we choose to be in optimal well-being. As spiritual beings, we are more than our emotional and physical life. In this physical experience, we allow our feelings to offer us feedback; so that we have the opportunity to transcend any spiritual lessons. 

Read Related Article: Applying EFT Tapping prevents the problem of emotional bypassing

Love and abundance always, 
Evelyn Lim
Abundance Coach 

The post What is Emotional Bypassing and Why It Matters appeared first on Abundance Coach for Women in Business | Evelyn Lim.

What is Emotional Bypassing and Why It Matters

self-help

Emotional bypassing happens when we don’t allow ourselves to fully process our negative feelings. Instead, we sweep them under the carpet or we gloss over them by “willing” the mind to think positively. Say, something traumatic happens to us. We don’t face it because we fear feeling worse off. Thus, instead of grieving or upset, we simply put on a brave front and pretend that all is fine. 

In another instance, we guilt-trip ourselves for feeling negative when we ought to be grateful. We believe that we have no right to complain about feeling poorly where someone else is at a more disadvantaged situation. And so we stuff our feelings inside. 

Emotional bypassing is often referred to as spiritually bypassing. It was the late psychologist John Welwood who coined the term spiritual bypassing to describe what he saw in a Buddhist community. He describes it as the “tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.” In the practice of non-attachment, many Buddhists deny what they truly feel.

However, those who practice other religions can be spiritually bypassing too. It happens where we are led to believe that a higher power will take care of our troubles and therefore there is no need for us to deal with hard feelings like anger, grief, fear, loneliness, envy, and shame. As a result, we adopt a sense of false positivity. 

Whatever the circumstance is, there are negative consequences that arise from emotional bypassing. For a start, we may not be consciously aware that we are doing this. Through the years, we’ve become numb and we don’t realise that we’ve actually closed our hearts. Yet, it’s through the same channel that we experience both the positive and negative feelings. By opening our hearts, we give ourselves the chance to make a shift from sadness to joy, from anger to peace and from fear to love. 

Consequences of Emotional Bypassing

Emotional bypassing is a form of coping mechanism. After all, we have been taught to put up a brave front. It’s embarrassing to let others know how vulnerable we feel. Unfortunately, when we don’t allow ourselves to release our negative feelings safely, they build up over time. It is possible that we develop issues like anxiety, depression and mental disorders. According to Traditional Chinese Medicine, excess emotional activity can also create organ impairments and affect physical health. 
 
When there are emotional wounds that are unresolved, our painful memories can come back to haunt us. It’s why we react excessively to small triggers. And we may find ourselves in repeated self-sabotage. Not forgetting, the body still remembers the trauma. Thus, we are in the same habitual patterns even though what we do doesn’t serve us.

Our ability to form healthy and loving relationship gets impacted. When we hold on to anger, we can’t truly forgive. For fear that we don’t get hurt again, we may choose to push away the ones who matter to us most. Because we secretly keep score, we show up with irritation, impatience and frustration. At the same time, we are unwilling to be honest with what we are truly feeling. These are examples of how emotional bypassing can lead to problems in our relationships. 

Clearly, if we want things to change, we will need to first recognise if emotional bypassing is something we have been doing. 

6 Signs if You Are Emotional Bypassing

Pin the infographic on emotional bypasing below onto your pinterest board 🙂 

The Path to Overall Wellness

We’ve been taught to look for the positive side to life, be optimistic, practice grateful for what we have and to find the silver lining behind the clouds. These are all great except that it will also help to process our negative feelings, when we have them. Heart and mind needs to be aligned, so that we can be resilient. 

Emotional health needs to happen for overall well-being. We give ourselves the space to work through any burden that we are carrying. It is very healthy to work on letting go of negative emotions. Reach out to me, if you need assistance with emotional healing and/or releasing the past.

Let’s also be aware that while we acknowledge what we feel, we avoid identifying with our emotional life since it is transient. Feelings come and go and we don’t allow our feelings to define us. We allow them to flow through, releasing them and not attaching ourselves to them. 

At every level of consciousness, we choose to be in optimal well-being. As spiritual beings, we are more than our emotional and physical life. In this physical experience, we allow our feelings to offer us feedback; so that we have the opportunity to transcend any spiritual lessons. 

Read Related Article: Applying EFT Tapping prevents the problem of emotional bypassing

Love and abundance always, 
Evelyn Lim
Abundance Coach 

The post What is Emotional Bypassing and Why It Matters appeared first on Abundance Coach for Women in Business | Evelyn Lim.