Today, I’m going to share with you a concept that I absolutely love. It’s something that I remind myself of on a regular basis to help me move forward, stay focused and stay disciplined in the direction of my goals.

It’s a concept that I like to call trajectory.

Your trajectory is simply the path in life that you choose. When you continue to progress your life in a certain direction you will reach a certain end-goal. The thing is, a slight change in your trajectory can lead to huge differences in the outcomes you get in life.

Let’s Get Specific

Let’s look at an example. If you’re currently at University or if you think back to when you were at University, you had the world at your feet and you could choose the subjects and majors that you wanted to study. You could say that this point in time was the starting point of your career.

Let’s say you had an interest in doing Marketing and an interest in the Arts but you had to make a decision between the two and build a career in one of them. In this case, you choose the Arts. Over time, you become very proficient in the Arts and you gain a solid understanding in your early career to propel you forward.

Now, what if you chose Marketing? Well, this would mean that you have set a completely different path and direction for your life. Again, in the first few years you will have developed a solid foundation and understanding of Marketing which can propel you well into the future.

You can imagine the difference in your path and outcomes as like in the graph below. The bottom (x axis) represents time and the left (y axis) represents the degree of variance in the outcomes you will achieve from following a certain path.

As you can see from the above graph, the choice of path you take can have a significant impact on your destination in life. The path that you take is what I call trajectory. What trajectory are you currently on?

Now, what if you continued going down that particular path for more than 3 years? What if you spent 12 years working towards that particular goal?

As you can see from the chart below, over time, this leads to a HUGE variation in outcome in your life.

To put it into perspective, the little red box in the bottom left-hand corner represents the original chart above after just 3 years.

Current Life vs Desired Life

Now, where am I going with this?

I want you to know that the CHOICE of path you take can have a HUGE impact to the outcomes you desire in life.

That one simple choice you made at University and for your career can have a profound impact on your social groups, your love life, your free-time, your health, your knowledge and expertise, your location of residence, your income and the experiences that you have in life.

Unfortunately, I see a lot of people that are living a life similar to the below chart.

I see people on a particular trajectory that is currently leading them down a path that is unrewarding, unfulfilling and will not get them to what they truly desire in life.

And, as you can see, the longer they stay on their current trajectory, the greater the degree of variance from their desired life.

Let’s bring this back up and look at it with a common, real-life example.

You might currently be in a job that you dislike. Perhaps you knew early on in your career that you didn’t really enjoy the career path that you chose, but it paid you well and so you stuck at it. Now, perhaps 10 years later you have worked your way up and have solid experience under your belt. The only problem is, you still really dislike the career path that you have chosen and you’re still not satisfied, fulfilled or happy. You still have a deep desire, if not even deeper, to really pursue a career and life that is much more meaningful to you.

Now, the only problem is it’s a lot harder to move towards your desired life because the degree of variance is much greater than what it was years ago. When it comes to your career, this degree of variance can also represent income in many cases. The longer you are in your current job/career, the greater your income becomes and the harder it may be to completely change your trajectory and progress down your desired path.

Can you imagine how different your life would look right now if you made the decision 3 years ago to change your trajectory and start progressing towards your desired life? What if you made that decision 6 years ago? 10 years ago? 20 years ago?

Unhealthy Life vs Healthy Life

Let’s look at another common example. Let’s say you have the desire to lose weight and be more fit and healthy.

Firstly, you might currently be on a trajectory that provides you an unhealthy lifestyle. It might be that you are working longer hours and often eat takeaway. It might be that you prefer to watch TV as opposed to doing exercise. It might be that you simply haven’t made the conscious decision to start living a healthy life.

If you stay on that same trajectory, with time, the degree of variance from your desired life will only expand. You will put on MORE weight. You will have LESS energy. You will continue to live an unhealthy lifestyle.

Now, if you make the decision to set yourself up on a new trajectory and start living a healthy life, you will start to make some progress.

Initially, the progress will be small, but if you continue down that new trajectory you will see the results that you desire. Achieving results takes time. It takes hard-work, commitment and discipline in staying on that same trajectory no matter how difficult it may seem.

What Can You Do Right Now?

The most important thing you can do RIGHT NOW is to determine what the right trajectory is for you. Examine what your current trajectory is and ask yourself whether continuing down this path will lead you to the life you desire the most?

Here are some basic steps to get you started:

1. Identify your desired outcomes in life
2. Determine whether your current trajectory or path is leading you to those outcomes
3. If not, identify what actions and steps are required for you to progress down your new trajectory
4. Make an immediate decision and take immediate action and take your first step on your new trajectory.
5. Stay focused, determined and disciplined in moving down the path of your new trajectory. This will be the hardest challenge you face. It’s human behaviour to want to stick to things we know and stick to things we are comfortable with. Make sure you are aware of your own comfort zone and remain committed to expanding your comfort zone and reaching the outcomes you desire.

Focus, determination and discipline, coupled with time, can lead you to anything you desire in life.

Want Some More Guidance?

There are a ton of other strategies you will need to be successful in progressing down your new trajectory and these are all provided to you in the Launch Your Life Academy. The good news is, the doors to the Academy are reopening next week! So if you’re keen to start living a passion based life and want to stay focused, motivated and disciplined in doing so and achieve the results in life you desire, then I highly recommend you get started with the Launch Your Life Academy. The doors are opening next Tuesday, 29th April for a very limited time so lock it in your diary! 

For the Comments

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the concept of trajectory. Are you currently on the right path in your life? Do you desire to change? Have you tried changing previously? What successes or challenges have you experienced when stepping onto a new trajectory?

See you in the comments!

Brendan

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More people are struggling emotionally and with this in mind here are some big challenges facing mental health facilities. Research has indicated that in the United States of America alone, about twenty percent of the adult population or one in […]

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Validating our inner child is one of the best things we can do, especially if she (he) has suffered from emotional neglect for the longest time. When we validate her feelings, it aids in her healing and recovery. Her unresolved needs of not being listened to are now being met. Ultimately, it boosts our emotional well-being from the inside-out. 

Let’s understand more about what validation is about. In general, when we validate someone, we are showing that we acknowledge his or her emotional experience. The opposite is true of invalidation when we ignore, reject or judge the other person. 

Validation doesn’t mean that we have to agree with the reactions or choices of others. We are simply saying that we can understand why they would feel a certain way based on what happened. Also, we are demonstrating acceptance of who they are – regardless of how they feel or think.

What Happens When We Validate Someone Else

When we validate, we give them a safe space for them to safely share their thoughts and feelings. We don’t apply judgment while actively listening and we are open to hearing their side of the story. At the same time, we are assuring them that it is okay not to feel okay. Our task is to simply let them feel heard, understood, acknowledged and accepted. 

We validate with a nod or sign of agreement or understanding. Sometimes, validation entails listening and waiting for the person to share. At other times, it can be a hug or a gentle touch.

In the absence of validation, the other person may feel as if it is wrong for her to feel what she feels or that there is something wrong with her. It can create misunderstanding and problems in relationships. In fact, invalidation has been suggested as one of the primary reasons contributing to mental issues such as inflicting harm to oneself.

Many children have been taught from an early age that expressing their feelings were bad and wrong. They were not allowed to feel a certain way. Some were even severely punished for expressing their thoughts and feelings. In households where parents don’t model how to deal with feelings, there is an implicit sense of invalidation since no one talks about them. Clearly, there are benefits to validation. 

How to Validate Your Inner Child

Which brings me to how do we go about validating our inner child especially where her feelings have never been acknowledged previously. 

With validation, we start by being present and curious about what our inner child is going through. She may be unable to articulate what she feels at the start. However, we are patient and we allow her to feel safe to experience what she feels. A skilled practitioner can also be on hand to help her identify the emotions that she is having. (Contact me if you need assistance with processing emotions and feelings.)

Next, we nurture her by responding with certain comforting and assuring words or actions that validate her experience. An example of an action is the butterfly hug that we can apply. Some examples of words that we can use are as follows…

Hmm…I hear you.

It does sound hurtful.

It sure seems like you have a lot to deal with.

I know just what you mean.

Based on what you’ve described, am I right that you are feeling this _______?

How you feel matters to me. 

I acknowledge how you feel. 

You did the best you could with what you had back then.

It’s not what you do but who you are that I love.

You are NOT a mistake even if you have made one.

You have it in you to thrive in the world.

I see you. I trust you. I believe in you.

Validate Your Inner Child Often

Give your inner child the essential Vitamin: Validation! 

Start by validating your inner child, so that you can improve the relationship you have with yourself. Validation is a practice in self-love. I suggest validating her as often as you can. The more neglect you have experienced as a child, the more she would need Vitamin Validation. 

When you validate others, your relationships with them will also improve. You can also share with them this article on how validation simply raises mental health and boosts connection.

Shine in self-love always, 
Evelyn Lim 
Self-Love Healing Therapist

Related articles

1. How to connect with your inner child

2. Reparenting Yourself 

3. How to heal 4 common childhood wounds

The post How to Validate Your Inner Child with What to Say appeared first on Abundance Coach for Women in Business | Evelyn Lim.

“Happiness is a how, not a what. A talent, not an object.”

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The older I get, the more that I experience life and the more I learn what truly makes me happy. Throughout my life, I have always been a pretty happy guy, but I have definitely had my ups and downs like every other person.

Happiness has always been an intriguing point of interest for me. I have always seen happiness as the epitome of all success that life can bring. To me, I believe income and status is important, however if it’s at the cost of happiness it’s not something I would want to continue to pursue.

Happiness comes in many forms and I’ve come to learn that it can be extremely different for all people. However, there are 10 lessons in life that I have learned and that I believe can help anyone become a more satisfied and happier person. I would like to share with you the 10 lessons in life that have made me a much happier person.

Image: Some friends and I frolicing in the vineyards. Gotta love that jump, right?

Learning to say I love you

For some reason, this was always a hard one for me, particularly with my immediate family. As I have grown older I have come to realize what my family have done for me throughout my life and that I am extremely thankful to them. I’m still learning to say “I love you” more and I still find it difficult (I think it’s part of our male genes to find this hard!) but when I do it gives me a great sense of happiness and I feel more authentic and honest with myself. Plus, I know that those I love really appreciate it.

Learning to forgive

There have been times in my life where I have felt betrayed or let down, and there have been times when I know I have let others down. Although sometimes hard, I have found that forgiving others and being able to forgive myself is essential for being able to move forward and regain a truly positive outlook in life.

Learning to say no

I used to struggle (and often still do) with saying no to people, events or situations which would then take up a lot of my time and have a negative impact on certain areas of my life. I have learned that saying no is essential for being able to focus on what I truly believe in, what I value and what is important to me in my life.

Learning to live my passion every day

Now that I’m working for myself, I have the pleasure of being able to spend my time how I want to spend my time. I get to incorporate my passion into everyday life and into the work that I do. I have come to learn that spending even the smallest amount of time living my passion each day can have a huge impact on the way I feel and on the success I achieve.

Learning to eat healthy & exercise regularly

The old saying goes ‘you are what you eat’ and I am a true believer of this. The amount of information on health and well being these days is absolutely enormous. Scientifically proven, eating healthy and exercising regularly can have huge physical and emotional benefits. I now exercise first thing in the morning for about 30-40mins, 5 days a week and this has helped me to feel more energetic and happier on a daily basis.

Learning to connect deeply

I used to be somewhat afraid of connecting deeply with others as I always thought that I was making myself too vulnerable in doing so. It’s kind of like learning to say “I love you”. I’m a lot more conscious of the benefits of connecting more deeply with others now and I actively try to do this. I have learned that making myself vulnerable and connecting deeply with others can help me become more relaxed, open and honest and helps me to be more of who I truly am. I have also learned that connecting deeply, being vulnerable and asking for help is essential for both growth and success. It also helps build a trustworthy and honest relationship.

Learning to see life differently

This is something that I continue to focus on and gain an understanding of to help me create my own lifestyle. I have learned that life is not meant to be taken so seriously and that life is simply about enjoying the time that we have and making a contribution in some way. I’m not a fan of the traditional corporate career and spending time working on another persons priorities. In saying that, I’m sure I’ll re-enter the corporate world at some stage but it will be with more of a focus on gaining the skills and experience necessary to move towards where I want to go with my life.

Learning to set my own goals

I never used to set my own goals. The world around me used to do it for me, such as my parents telling me what grades I should aim for or what job I should get, and my teachers telling me how to go about my schooling. Even into adulthood, my bosses and society (through social norms, peer pressure and media etc) would dictate what I would focus on. I have learned that by setting my own goals and focusing on what I truly believe in is the only way to live authentically, realise my full potential and sustain happiness.

Learning to count my blessings

When I was growing up as a child I took everything for granted. As I have become more aware of the world around me, I have come to realize that I am extremely blessed with good health, a great social circle and community and the freedom to live a life that I choose. I remind myself of this every day which helps me take to the world with a positive outlook and a mindset to make a difference.

Learning to give

Following on from the above, I have learned that giving is an essential ingredient for happiness. I have come to realize that the more I give the more that I get in return. This is in both giving to others and also giving of my time and energy into what I believe in. I have learned that by giving to others, it can enhance my relationships, build up trust and make a difference in the life of another. I have also learned that the more I give in terms of my time, energy and focus on my goals, the greater my return in terms of success and happiness.

Wrapping Up

Life continues to unfold and I continue to learn every single day. There are so many experiences and so many relationships that I have yet to have in life and I’m truly excited for what life has to bring.

I look forward to reading back over this post in a number of years and seeing what has changed in my life and what else I have learned about life, success and happiness.

What lessons have you learned about life, success and happiness?

Please share in the comments!

Brendan

Related Articles

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• The Happiness Model: Why Finding Happiness is NOT the Way
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The post 10 Life Lessons That Have Made Me a Much Happier Person appeared first on The Start of Happiness.

When you are caught in anxiety, do you observe an unsettling or discomforting feeling in the stomach?

Well, anxiety and the stomach are said to be connected. According to Traditional Chinese Medicine, anxiety gets stored in the spleen/stomach/pancreas network. In this article, I’d like to bring focus to the link between anxiety and stomach issues.

First of all, while I sometimes use the words anxiety and worry interchangeably, let’s also understand that there is a difference according to psychologists.  

Differences Between Anxiety and Worry 

Worrying is feeling uneasy and overthinking about a situation or problem. Say, you worry over things like money, ability to survive or health. Worry is usually on something specific and more likely to be temporary. Once the situation is over, worry ends. 

On the other hand, anxiety is the reaction to situations perceived as stressful or dangerous. Anxiety is more permanent. It triggers a physical response. Where anxiety is excessive, you can also be diagnosed with a disorder. 

It’s possible to start with worrying before the uneasy feeling becomes anxiety, where there is the perception of a lack of control. Even after the threat or tigger is gone, anxiety remains. Your body system is still in a state of alert. 

Worry and Anxiety Released Through the Stomach Meridian 

Whether worry or anxiety, we can’t sleep at night. The overthinking mind keeps us in a loop of repeated thoughts. Our stomach gets all knotted up in fear. Metaphysically, it happens where we are not able to digest or accept our situation in life. Based on our projections, we are not able to envision a positive outcome.

Stress that is related to anxiety, slows down digestion. For some people, this can cause issues like constipation and bloating and for others, diarrhoea and frequent trips to the toilet. Stress can also worsen digestive conditions like stomach ulcers and irritable bowel syndrome.

Interestingly, if we want to access the stomach meridian, it is not made through the tummy area. Instead, it can be accessed by tapping under our eyes with our fingertips. Our stress response has been activated and we can calm it through EFT tapping on the meridian points. 

Need to quell the stomach when you are feeling anxious or worried?

Well, tap Under the Eye for at least 7-8 times. Note that we may need to access more than just the stomach meridian to release chronic worry, anxiety, or fear. When using EFT tapping, we bring attention to our worry while applying some light pressure with our fingers. We are calming our sympathetic nervous system.  Through tapping, we are releasing our worry and anxiety and restoring safety and ease. 

Reconnect with the Present 

Overthinking distracts us from being in the present. However, let’s remind ourselves that we have the power to build something today, as yesterday is past and tomorrow is dependent on what we do now. The ability to change our future lies in the now. Hence, it would help to stay grounded. 

Fortunately, we can use somatic approaches (such as EFT tapping) to address our worry and anxiety and to override our habit of repetitive over-thinking and negative projections. Once we start to feel calmer, we are better able to make wiser decisions that impact our tomorrows. Beyond the shadow of doubt, a mind which is at ease supports our well-being. 

To your peace and wellness, 
Evelyn Lim
Abundance Coach

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