People today are putting more conscious effort into figuring out what makes them happy and pursing that happiness. And there are many ideas out there about happiness, coming from a variety of sources: parents, teachers, friends, books, articles, media and advertising.

But I think that a lot of these ideas miss the mark; which is why I’d like to share my own perspective on the importance of one key asset in achieving happiness: your social skills. I believe they matter and they can benefit you so much that I deem good social skills a veritable shortcut to happiness.

Relationships as the Main Pillar of Happiness

Over the past decades there has been a lot of research in the field of psychology about the factors that make us happy. And the one that constantly stands out is our relationships with others. Individuals with quality relationships, who feel loved and appreciated, and have an active social life, are typically the happiest out there.

This makes perfect sense considering that we are social animals, who’ve always lived in some sort of social milieu, either a band, or a tribe, or a social group within a bigger town or city. And social cooperation has been essential in our survival and progress as a species.

Psychologist and neuroscientist Matthew D. Lieberman really drives this point home in his book, Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect.

For instance, he argues that what our brains do by default when they don’t have any particular task is to contemplate social situations and examine the social world; which shows the central role that social relationships play in our lives. Truly, there is no denying their importance.

The Best Path to Good Relationships Is Not What Most People Think

However, most people are drawn into poor views about the ways to get respect, appreciation and good relationships.

Society in general has taught us that the best ways to get such things are by being wealthy, or having a respectable profession, or following the latest trends. And so, a plethora of people are chasing these things, hoping they will get them the kind of fulfilling human connections they yearn for.

I find it particularly interesting to discuss with folks who wanna make a lot of money. There are lots of reasons why many people wanna be rich. Through money they seek experiences, variety, freedom or security.

But digging deeper into their motivations, I find that, above all, most believe money is the top way to earn the appreciation of others, in order to feel good about themselves and be able to build fulfilling relationships.

It’s such an illusion! Both my coaching and social experiences have showed me over and over that: not only is money not a necessity to be appreciated, but chasing money is the long and inexact road to appreciation. The power of wealth to nurture good relationships has been vastly exaggerated by the rampant consumer culture we live in.

Really, the most popular ways to gain appreciation, considering the time and effort they require (a lot), the amount of respect they earn you (often not that much), and the type of respect they earn you (often superficial and fleeting), don’t amount to good investments.

Social Skills Are a Much Better Path

I believe the methods described above constitute the long, roundabout path to appreciation and good relationships. The straightest and shortest path is in building sharp social skills.

You see, when you have good social skills you are able:

• To express yourself in an articulate, convincing and alluring way.
• To talk with a wide range of people, on a wide range of topics.
• To empathize well will people, to understand their motivations and views.
• To know how to adapt to others while staying true to yourself at the same time.
• To show social intelligence and navigate complex social dynamics.
• To manage your emotions well in social situations.

This makes social skills the direct and the best tool to connect with people, make a positive impression and nurture good relationships. All else takes longer to acquire and works less effectively.

Put two people at, say, a party, one who is a successful lawyer with lots of money, wearing a trendy suit, but with average social skills, and another who is a person with an average job, average income and average clothes, but really good social skills, and I guarantee you this second person will blow the first one out of the water in terms of likability.

While having money, working in a respectable job and being fashionable all have their merits and benefits, my point is that if you want great relationships, you should focus on developing your social skills above all. They will help you much more than these things.

Social skills take some work to improve as well, but the return on investment is much better. And fortunately, there are lots of resources out there to help you, from books and articles to classes and coaching programs.

With this in mind, I recommend you get onboard my free social success newsletter, to receive regular practical advice from me on sharpening your social skills, directly into your Inbox.

When you join, you’ll also get instant, free access to an instructional presentation in which I’ll show you my proven formula for becoming socially confident.

Go here to join the newsletter right now.

Life has a lot to offer. And social skills are a key tool to help you collect much of its fruits. Sharpen your social skills, get out there and use them, and I promise you that your happiness will soar.

Do you suffer from bad anxiety attacks? 
How can you tell that your anxiety levels are even high in the first place when being nervous or feeling worried is something that any person would “normally” experience?
What are the signs and symptoms of heightened anxiety?

Bad anxiety attacks can put you constantly on the edge. They affect every part of your life. You are like a nervous wreck even when it comes to dealing with everyday situations. Situations such as handling family responsibilities, juggling your activities, speaking up in front of a small group of friends, facing your boss at work and so on. Despite your attempts, you’ve not succeeded with shaking away the fear.

You may even prefer to avoid social outings or extended family get-togethers, so as to prevent being anxious. After all, you can still recall the many get-togethers over special occasions in the past where you’ve felt extremely uncomfortable. If given a choice, you’d prefer to avoid any form of interaction with others. Solitude – and not company – is your best friend.

Anxiety is triggered whenever you feel under pressure, such as sitting for a difficult exams, facing a new challenge or going beyond your comfort zone. You are aware that moderate levels of anxiety may not necessarily be bad because it can spur you into action, create focus and to take preventative measures. However, the difference is when anxiety attacks are constant, overwhelming and a regular occurrence.

Symptoms of anxiety attacks may include the following…
– uncontrollable shaking, 
– fast heartbeats, 
– profuse sweating, 
– muscles tensing up,
– difficulties in breathinng
– dizziness, etc.

To cope with the said symptoms, many -perhaps, yourself – turn to using drug medication. You need to be able to function after all. There are dishes to wash in the sink, bills to pay and grocery errands to run. You’ve got client meetings, business presentations to make and there is the family dinner with the in-laws coming. So, you need something quick where you’d find relief!

Well, it’s important to realise that drugs are not a cure. In fact, there have been many questions about their long-term effectiveness. According to the American Academy of Family Physicians, benzodiazepines lose their therapeutic anti-anxiety effect after 4 to 6 months of regular use. What’s more, a recent analysis reported in JAMA Psychiatry found that the effectiveness of anti-depressants in treating anxiety is no better than placebo in some cases. 

Fortunately, there are ways to bringing about anxiety relief naturally.

Ways that are proven, effective and that offers sustainable results too!

May I have the permission to introduce Les to you. She’s someone with whom I have worked with.

Les had found out that the nervous tension associated with anxiety attacks could be released rather quickly. Before I proceed, I’d like to add a disclaimer. The content that I am sharing is for information only. You should always consult appropriate advice from a qualified physician for your specific circumstance. Fortunately, Les was able to find out how she can shift out from anxiety into calmness with meridian or EFT tapping.

How Anxiety Attacks Affect Les

Me: How do you know that your anxiety is a big problem for you?

Les: Well, it has affected many areas in my life. For example, it has affected my work life and in social settings, where I need to speak up or interact with others, even loved ones.

Me: What are the signs and symptoms when you go into anxiety?

Les: I feel sweaty, my heartbeat starts to race, and I experience constrictions. The symptoms are disruptive and they affect me badly.

Me: What are the things or activities will be possible for you, if anxiety is no longer a problem?

Les: I’d be able to relax. I’d be able to meditate because I can’t now and my mind can barely keep still. By being able to relax, I will be able to feel more at ease in social settings, public speaking and feeling free to pursue what I do want.

Despite trying out various healing methods and working with other therapists, Les’s problem had persisted. In fact, her inability to relax impacted her ability to find a solution for her other issues whether through hypnosis or meditation. Having heard her story, I was very excited to work with her after a quick discovery session.

The F3 Response

Les had described her wanting to “flee” every single time when she got triggered into chronic anxiety. It’s also why all along, she had preferred to avoid situations that would cause her to be anxious. However, her avoidance has reached an unhealthy state and it is time to change how she has been responding.

I highlighted to Les that there is a difference between a real physical threat and a psychological threat. Her body has been interpreting all triggers as if they are the same. It’s when her F3 or the Fight-Flight-Freeze response kicks in. F3 or the Fight-Flight-Freeze response is the body’s automatic, built-in system designed to protect anyone from threat or danger. 

The crux is that in the present, her fear is mostly not real. Les is not facing any physical threat to her life such as a tiger or any other dangerous animal. Her fear is merely psychological and hence, there is no need to go into freeze or to even to pick up and run.

What is EFT Tapping for Anxiety Attacks

Meridian tapping or Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) has been known to help greatly for anxiety and/or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). What’s great is that no drugs are required. EFT simply involves using the fingertips to tap on specific end meridian points on the face or on the body, to release energy blockages. Refer to the diagram below on the various points. 

There are already a number of scientific studies proving that meridian or EFT tapping can dramatically reduce high anxiety levels. Clinical EFT is shown to be an “evidence-based” practice. And, according to this other research paper, there is evidence of efficacy with acupoint stimulation for treating psychological disorders. 

As a life coach who offers therapy solutions, I’ve been working with clients to reduce heightened stress and anxiety levels naturally. One effective method I have found is via using EFT tapping. From working together, clients had reported experiencing some pretty amazing shifts. And so, I wanted to help Les explore if tapping could work with her too. 

How Our Meridian or EFT Tapping Session Went

Les was guided to recall a recent event that had triggered an anxiety attack. While recalling, she could feel her anxiety levels going up with an intensity score of a 9 out of 10. Specifically, she started to experience having the same butterflies in her stomach and constriction in her chest. 

With guidance, she tapped through the meridian points while verbally acknowledging what she was feeling and experiencing in her body. In order to override the habitual F3 response, Les tapped into making the choice to let go of her fear; and in the awareness that she is safe in the now. It worked beautifully! 

After a few rounds of tapping, the butterflies in her stomach and the constriction in her chest were gone. Her intensity score came down from a 9 to a zero. With all that tense energy lifted, Lesley tuned into a sense of peace and calmness.

The tapping session took less than 20 minutes for resolution. Les was amazed by the fast result especially where she had been suffering from anxiety for many years or in her own words, “for as long as I can remember”. She was glad to find relief from tapping, where no other methods she had attempted could.

What EFT tapping did is to send a calming signal to her brain. This helped her to release anxiety and to restore her body’s energy system. The combination of EFT tapping on the meridian points of her body and acknowledging the anxiety brought her mind and body into alignment.

Les had released her anxiety as she recalled about a recent event. Moving on, what will help for is to address her chronic anxiety patterns specifically when the fear first originated. It will mean having to recall further back into the past, so that she can release the stuck energies that have been locked in time bubbles;formed at the crucial moments when the F3 response kicked in. Once psychological fear is released at root cause, safety can be effectively restored.

Make the Choice: From Anxiety Into Calmness

It’s natural to assume that since everyone suffers from anxiety, there is no need to make a big deal out of it. Hence, you could have been finding ways to live with your anxiety. However, where you are experiencing anxiety attacks that are impacting normal functioning, it can help for you to know that you don’t have to struggle to cope daily. 

“If you treat every situation as a life and death matter, you’ll die a lot of times.”
– Dean Smith

You can choose to live with anxiety — or you can choose to do something about it. And if you choose the latter, do know that meridian or EFT tapping can bring about calm and relief.

Because meridian or EFT tapping is non-invasive and it merely involves your fingers to lightly touch on specific points in your body, the method is considered safe. There are no known side-effects, unlike drugs. EFT tapping has been proven to work for thousands of others. And fortunately, for someone like Les. 

Over to you. 

What will life look like for you, if you are without your anxiety attacks? 
What will it do for your relationships and the people around, when you are less anxious? 
What will it do for you to be able to thrive, without the long term use of medication? 

Love and abundance always,
Evelyn Lim

P.S. Featured Image by DanaTentis from Pixabay

P.S.S. Meridian or EFT tapping is a great way to reduce anxiety attacks. There are also other forms of drug-free solutions. If you’d like to find out more about how you can calm yourself naturally, apply for a complimentary discovery call here!

The post How to Turn Anxiety Attacks into Calmness with EFT Tapping appeared first on Abundance Coach for Women in Business | Evelyn Lim.