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Giving to others is a popular topic in the how-to literature. But receiving is not nearly as popular. To me, this doesn’t do justice. After all, every time a person gives (whether a compliment, a piece of advice, a present or a helping hand), another one receives. And receiving properly is, despite appearances, as important and intricate as giving.

Although how you respond to a ‘gift’ you get is party regulated by specific cultural norms, there are also principles that rise above one individual culture or another. There is a subtle, universal art to receiving, which derives from fundamental aspects of human nature.

In this article, I’m gonna talk about this lost art and give you some practical advice on how to receive properly.

Always Show Appreciation towards the Intent

I like to think of giving as having two core elements:

1. The intent of giving;
2. The actual act of giving.

When someone gives me something, I find it useful two consider these two elements separately, and respond to them separately.

In my view, the person’s intent is virtually always positive. So, first and foremost, you always wanna show appreciation for the intent. It’s therefore astute to first respond to any act of giving by thanking the other person for their positive intention, by expressing your gratitude. Thus, you always start on a constructive note.

But what about the actual act of giving? How do you respond to it? That’s what my next point concerns.

Respond Authentically To Being Given

People often engage in games when they receive something. For instance, many folks believe they should always reject a gift at first, as a sign of courtesy, even if they like it, or even need it badly. “Oh, no, I can’t take it”, they say, and the other person must then insist.

Although cute, I rarely find this approach beneficial, nor do the people I coach on the topic of receiving. It’s dated.

If a person gives you something, they most likely enjoy doing so and it does not inconvenience them. So, plain authenticity is a much more helpful response than playing games. Thus, my advice is to respond genuinely from the get go, and simply accept what you are given.

Also, in the odd case when someone gives you something that happens to actually be a bad gift for you (like a pet cat if you have a major cat allergy), it’s okay to politely explain yourself and refuse the gift. The prior step of showing appreciation for the intent will smooth out your response significantly.

Say Something Positive and Specific about the Gift

This simple trick can turn receiving from a trite, predictable act, to a unique and memorable experience for both parties: when you receive something, take a few seconds to notice it and see what you like about it, or how specifically you might use it. Then make a comment in which you express just that.

For example: “Wow, the colors on this shirt are awesome! I love wearing lively colors.” Or: “This cactus is gonna look great in my garden, next to the tulips.” Or: “You made good points in your feedback. I will definitely consider it.”

No need to try to make a particularly cool or witty comment. Any basic, positive and specific remark will do the job fine. It will show the other person that you genuinely value their gift and you wanna make the most of it. This goodwill will usually matter the most to them.

Don’t Feel Pressured To Give Back

People often hesitate to receive gifts because they feel that with them comes attached an obligation to respond in kind. To them, any accepted gift creates more owned debt.

While I can relate to this mindset, I do not find it too realistic or constructive. If a person gives you something, it’s usually because they want to, not because they expect something back in return. So there is no need to feel obliged to reciprocate. You may often wanna reciprocate because you authentically feel like it, but it doesn’t mean you have to.

There are some people though who give to receive, but pretend to give with no strings attached. Like buying you a nice gadget or piece of jewelry, expecting you to go out with them in return. But by rejecting their gift and then feeling bad or accepting it and then feeling in debt, you only encourage them to play this manipulative game.

I find the best approach to be to accept their gift and think of it as having no strings attached. If it did have strings attached, it’s really the other person’s problem. They need to learn to express their desires openly rather than trying to pressure people into giving them what they want. And this is one way you ‘educate’ them in this direction.

If you often struggle with receiving without feeling the pressure to respond in kind, you will benefit greatly from working on improving your social confidence, because it means you are lacking in this department. You wanna fix the problem from the root upwards.

Considering this, I recommend you check out this practical confidence presentation I created, in which I’ll show you my tried and tested method for gaining social confidence, as effectively as possible. There are priceless gems of advice for you in it.

Being a good receiver is something you learn with practice and a bit of guidance. Just as being a good giver is, and many other social skills. By being both a good giver and receiver, you can effectively nurture your relationships with other people, making them as enjoyable and rewarding as they can be.

For more advice on improving your communication skills, social confidence, relationships and social success, I invite you to join my free newsletter and continue this journey of discovery with me.

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Today we all lead such busy and hectic lives that a lot of us find it very difficult to relax. Here are 5 steps to a stress free day to help busy people relax. These days our daily schedules are […]

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The self-help industry is booming; and it’s been booming for years. On one hand, I think this is great, because it provides people useful tools and advice to help them grow, flourish and make the most out of life.

One the other hand, not all the tools and advice being provided are actually valuable. In fact, based on my own personal development experience for well over a decade, and nearly a decade of training and coaching experience, I dare say that the vast majority of the self-help literature consists of naive guidance and ineffective solutions.

The biggest issue I see in most self-help is what I can best refer to as its simplistic logic (and I use the word “logic” hesitantly).

The dictionary defines the term “simplistic” as: “treating complex issues and problems as if they were much simpler than they really are”. That’s exactly how a lot of the self-help literature treats people’s complex life problems, and thus offers crude, superficial solutions for them, solutions which inevitably fall short.

So I wanna share with you some ideas on how this simplistic logic works and how to not fall prey to it, so you can find and apply the best self-improvement tools out there, and see the best results.

I distinguish two major manifestations of simplistic logic in self-help. Let’s tackle them individually.

1. Reducing the Solution for a Major Issue to a Single Variable

Most self-improvement issues are multifaceted and complex. It makes sense for the proper solutions to them to not be too simple either.

Whether you wanna have more confidence, better relationships, better health or more money, you’ll probably have to address and tweak several variables to reach the desired outcome. Because success in such areas involves an array of factors, many of which are necessary, but not sufficient individually.

That’s not what you’ll read in most self-help literature though. On the contrary, you’ll often be presented one-simple-step solutions to reach your goals, which address a single variable. It’s the all too common “just do this and you’ll get what you want” approach.

For example, many self-help authors say that all you need to be happy is love. Or that all you need for a relationship to work is honesty. Or that all you need to have a thriving business is to care about your clients. I can see how such ideas can be appealing, as they make success seem straightforward. But they are gross oversimplifications.

There’s a popular book out there right now that asserts the one secret to outstanding achievement is a mix of passion and perseverance (referred to as “grit”). The book does a good job of showing that grit is important, and it offers inspiring examples of people who achieved great things with aid from grit. But it fails to prove that grit is the only big factor that matters.

Indeed, grit it is as a necessary factor, but not a sufficient factor for great success. For every person with grit who achieved great things, there are probably hundreds who only achieved moderate success at best.

Grit alone does not cut it. Other factors play key roles as well. Choosing goals that match your natural strengths and learning from mistakes are two more such factors in my view, but there are likely more.

So, whenever you see a book, course or article stating there is one simple key to getting something, be cautions. It’s probably exaggerating the role of one factor for success, while ignoring the others.

2. Failing to Explain the Process of Changing a Variable

Not only that a lot of self-help insists that a single variable is all you need to change in order to achieve a meaningful result, it also assumes that once you know that, you can just go and do it.

It treats changing that variable as a simple, straightforward action anyone can do with little or no additional instructions. Thus the term “just”, which is very common in self-help advice: “just think positively”, “just love yourself”, “just be confident”, and so on.

What many self-help authors either fail to recognize or deliberately ignore is that such changes are not basic, simple actions. Rather, they are complex psychological processes, which entail a set of steps and integrated actions that need to be taken.

For example, loving yourself is not something you can just start doing one day, because you’ve realized it is important. If that were the case, there would be no people with self-esteem issues on this planet.

Loving yourself involves taking a series of steps, at the cognitive and behavioral level, which if taken correctly create long-term positive changes in your self-image. I talk more about this process in this confidence video. Telling someone to just love themselves is like telling them to just build a harmonica. Hard to do if you lack any training or guidance.

That is why in my work as a confidence and communication coach, I focus on properly teaching people the actual process of becoming more confident or communicating better, with all the relevant underlying psychology. My experience has consistently shown me that it is not only the best approach, but the only approach that works.

By the way: if being more confident in social situations is something you seek, I highly recommend you check out my Conversation Confidence guide, from which you’ll learn my step-by-step method for achieving this, which draws from my almost a decade of training and coaching experience in this area.

Improving yourself opens up amazing new possibilities in your career, social life, and dating life. But you can’t do it effectively with a simplistic approach.

As alluring as simple tips & tricks type solutions can be, it’s crucial to recognize they will probably not benefit you, and seek a more mature, complex approach to self-improvement. If a solution to bettering yourself and your life sounds too simple to work, it probably is.

For more non-simplistic advice from me, especially on improving your confidence and communications skills, I invite you go here and join my free newsletter today.

You will need to awaken your Divine Feminine if you have lost yourself.

Losing yourself can happen in various ways. One big way is when you have lost yourself in your multiple roles – as a wife, mother, lover, friend, leader and so on. At the root, you could have beliefs that stop you from connecting with your female energy and shining your core brilliance.

Born female, you could have been taught that you are of the inferior sex to males. You were told that you are to play more of a supporting role. And that you have little or less right to be heard. Invariably, you give your power away.

Thus, your Divine Feminine gets hidden, forgotten and suppressed. Over time, you become increasingly disconnected with her. When you diminish yourself as a female, you feel less attractive and if I guess right, will have difficulties with loving and accepting yourself unconditionally. Aligning with your highest potential becomes challenging. You are unable to hold your own even when you need to show up confidently.

Should this be true, you are not alone.

Throughout history, women have had difficulties with awakening their Divine Feminine even though it is an innate part of who they are. Limiting beliefs are being a woman were conditioned since young. They are pervasive and commonly held. Beliefs such as…

I am just not good enough as compared to the males in my family.
It’s not safe to be heard.
Marrying a man is my meal ticket.
As a wife, my job is to play a subservient role.

For years, you could have been brought up to conform to society’s expectations or to adopt other people’s opinions about what or how females should behave or be like.

What body shape you should have.
What size clothes you should wear.
That as female, you need to do all the household chores. Or that you need to pick up after the boys.
That all females should learn how to cook and sew.
etc.
The list goes on.

As I have pointed out, the consequences are negative. Not only will you be unable to celebrate yourself as a vibrant, significant, and beautiful being that you are, many areas of your life gets negatively impacted as a result.

1. With low confidence, you may become dependent on the man in your life to make decisions for you.

2. You will find it difficult to perform at your best.

3. Your manifesting ability with your dreams gets eroded.

Your Divine Feminine – the Creator, Manifestor, Healer, Intuitive, Sage, Earth Mother – all the qualities that make you a Goddesss – gets shut down

Claim Your Divine Feminine

Well, I believe that every woman SHINES best when they Awaken their Divine Feminine.

Your Divine Feminine seeks expression. She needs to have a voice that leads from the truth of her being. Suppressing her in a cage for too long can lead to depression and suicidal thoughts. It’s unhealthy.

What you will need to do is to give yourself the permission to find her. To nurture her. To let her know that it is safe for her to speak and to be listened to. She needs to know it is okay for her to step into leadership and that she has every right to shine!

For the longest time, I have had the pain or ache of “not knowing myself” well. When I was a child, I had concluded that I should be invisible and that it was not safe for me to be heard. The conclusions resulted in my inability to express myself well or to articulate what I really felt. I would freeze up when situations that require me to speak up arise.

It was only after I started to work on myself that I experienced a turnaround.

As I gave my Divine Feminine the permission to express herself, she healed. I felt a lot more at ease, alive and connected with the truth of my being. Once shut down, I discovered that I have a voice. Can you imagine how embarrassing it was previously when no words would come out from my mouth when it was my turn to speak?

Even though I still get nervous before a public speaking event, I found out that with practice, I have the ability to present myself – and with clarity and coherence too! It’s been a major transformation for me. Well, I’d like to share 3 Powerful Ways that you can help you toAwaken your Divine Feminine.

How to Awaken Your Divine Feminine

1. Release Limiting Beliefs

Of critical importance, is to bring awareness to the beliefs and emotions that hold you back. As they are usually a result of the past, I recommend that you consider doing inner child healing.

Inner child healing is for addressing your unmet needs and suppressed negative emotions when you were a child. With little resources and tools to cope with the world, you learned to ignore them. In the process, you gave up your childlike innocence, creativity and curiosity to go on new adventures.

The problem is that repressed emotions are still there even after all the years. Covering them up DO NOT make them go away. In fact, they are bound to explode into the open, if you don’t find healthy ways to release them. You’d find yourself reacting disproportionately to the triggers at hand.

Limiting beliefs formed during childhood can affect you as an adult. Just imagine growing up with beliefs about being of an inferior sex because you are born female! You can help yourself by getting inner child healing done, so that you can address some of the beliefs that hold you back from connecting with your Divine Feminine. Release these beliefs, unleash your power in other words!

If you have further questions about inner child healing, apply for a 30-minute call here. I’d be glad to answer them

2. Connect with Mother Nature

Go to the park, seaside or forest. Walk bare feet and lift your arms to the sky. Hug a tree. Meditate in the surroundings. Awaken your senses.

As you meditate, express your gratitude and talk to Mother Nature. Ask her for help to connect with your Divine Feminine.

3. Goddess Journaling

Journaling is a way that can help you retrace memories and connect with true desires. It certainly did for me. Along pathways, I was connected to childhood dreams, forgotten ideas and secret fantasies. The more I wrote, the more I discovered a inner world that was rich, engaging and expansive where my Divine Feminine stands powerful.

I hope that it can be the same for you too.

If you have not tried journaling, I recommend giving it a go! At a low price, you can get started immediately. Get started by first reading my book Self-Discovery Journal for Women: 250 Questions and Writing Prompts to Find Yourself and to Awaken Your Divine Feminine.

Light some candles! Put on the diffuser. Inhale essential oils. Read my book and begin writing. Journaling is low-cost therapy that works!

Stand in the Power of Your Divine Feminine

My world expanded to who I am today. I have been able to reclaim myself. The results: I now write books, conduct classes and respond to calls for stepping up more quickly. Because of how much I had benefitted from the tools I have used, I am now on mission to share more about them. Women I have worked with report to feeling a lightness of being, greater confidence and improved clarity from knowing themselves a lot better.

When you stand in the power of Divine Feminine, you are connected with your intuition, creativity, sensuality, beauty and nurturing spirit. You are able to draw on your sacred feminine gifts and be the amazing Goddess that you are.

Once again, here are some resources for you:
1. To find out more about inner child healing, apply for a call here.
2. Get started on Journaling here!
3. Read the following articles:
7 Steps to Self-Discovery
101 Powerful Affirmations for Women

I wish you nothing more than the confidence to shine your light!

Love and Abundance Always,
Evelyn Lim

P.S. Share Your Comments Below. Let me know what beliefs you have as a female that potentially held you back.

P.S.S. If you have benefited from this article, I’d appreciate some social media love. Thank you for sharing

The post How to Awaken Your Divine Feminine When You Have Lost Yourself appeared first on Abundance Life Coach for Women | Evelyn Lim.

“Arrogance and self-awareness seldom go hand in hand.” – M, Casino Royale

You probably wanna be confident, and for people to see you that way. But you don’t want to be or come across as arrogant. Nevertheless, while striving for confidence, it’s easy to slip into arrogance, and thus get a negative reputation instead of a positive one.

This is why a discussion about the difference between confidence and arrogance makes sense. In it, I’ll be drawing from my know-how in psychology, as well as my 8+ years of experience as a confidence and communication coach.

Right from the start, I wanna state that there is no clear distinction between confidence and arrogance. These two traits run on a continuum, and to some extent, where one ends and the other begins is a matter of personal opinion. What one person may see as confident, another may see as arrogant.

However, there are patterns of social behavior that will be seen by most people as confident, and patterns that will usually be seen as arrogant. In order to understand them, it’s best to first get a good idea of the distinct mental foundations of confidence and arrogance.

The Confident Mindset vs. the Arrogant Mindset

Confident people typically operate from a very different psychological mindset than arrogant people. By understanding their mindsets, it’s much easier to tell them apart.

Confident people tend to see themselves as unique, capable and likable individuals, which gives them the courage to be outgoing and put themselves out there authentically. But they also know they have flaws, and they can be okay with them. They also know some people will simply not like them, and they can accept that too.

Arrogant people on the other hand, tend to see themselves not just as able, but as perfect. They think they are superior to everyone else, everybody should like them, and they deserve special treatment, all the time. It’s an exaggerated mindset, which leads to exaggerated social behavior.

Behind this self-image of perfection, deep down, arrogant people are often quite insecure. Many lack self-esteem or have an inferiority complex. So acting as if they’re perfect and deserve special treatment is just an attempt to get attention and social validation, in order to compensate for their feelings of inadequacy.

If you see yourself even partially in the arrogant mindset, I recommend you check out this special presentation, in which I’ll show you how you can shift your mindset effectively and build solid social confidence, using my own tried & tested method.

Based on these two distinct mindsets, you can deduce some of the differences between confidence and arrogance yourself, as they manifest in people’s behavior.

To visibly enrich the picture though, I will add my own practical conclusions.

The Behavioral Difference between Confidence and Arrogance

Here are some of the 7 key ways confident people and arrogant people typically behave differently:

• Confident people are generally friendly and willing to talk to a variety of people.
• Arrogant people are much more selective regarding who they talk to, often based on surface traits such as looks, clothing, or status symbols.

• Confident people are talkative and they like to share themselves, but they’re also good listeners and they like to get to know others.
• Arrogant people like to talk constantly in conversation, and they rarely care to listen. For them, conversation is all about them.

• Confident people disclose themselves wholeheartedly. They talk about the good and the bad about themselves.
• Arrogant people actively hide their flaws, but they constantly bring up their accomplishments, often embellishing them. They don’t so much talk, as brag.

• Confident people compliment and appreciate others, but they can also give them a negative feedback when useful, or tease them playfully.
• Arrogant people only do the negative part. They frequently judge, criticize, mock or put others down, whether present or absent, so they can feel superior.

• Confident people ask for help, but they also give help back. Their relationships run on fair, reciprocal support.
• Arrogant people demand, take, take some more, and even expect to be given without asking, but they rarely give back. They see their mere presence as sufficient reward.

• Confident people are honest and they keep their promises. They often feel remorse when they hurt others and they try to show it.
• Arrogant people lie, manipulate, break their promises and make excuses. They rarely apologize when hurting others, as they never see it as their fault.

• Confident people have an assured but relaxed and open body language in social settings, most of the time.
• Arrogant people have a body language that’s typically inflated, meant to convey superiority and dominance. A slightly raised chin is like their trademark sign.

Taken together, all these differences in behavior between confident and arrogant people form two very distinct pictures. Pay attention to these differences, and you’ll be able to accurately tell apart arrogance from confidence.

If you believe you’re on the arrogant side, you can work on deliberately changing your behavior following the list above, to lean more towards the confident side.

Keep in mind though, that your behavior is ultimately a result of your feelings and mindset. So, by far the best way to be able to regularly act like a confident person is to actually be a confident person on the inside.

Becoming this person means overcoming deep personal insecurities and acquiring the right mindset, at both a conscious and subconscious level. This is a whole process and it will take some work, but it is well worth doing.

To help you take the right steps in this confidence gaining process, I’ve created this instructional video, which I recommend you watch right now.

In this video I will show my step by step method to change your mindset and build a strong level of social confidence, which others around you will plainly be able to notice. This method has helped hundreds of people I’ve coached privately, and I’m certain it will help you as well.

Confidence is a great trait to have, but when it slips into arrogance, it become toxic. That’s why it’s essential to stay on the right path.

For more practical advice on confidence and communication from me, please join my free newsletter.