“Life doesn’t always go the way we plan it. But life often adapts to the determination we have to make it better than it currently is.” ~M2bH

Note: This is a moving and inspiring guest post contribution to M2bH, by Emily Walsh, about her friend Heather Von St. James (pictured in the photo above). I trust you will find it worth the read.

Cancer. Not a very happy word. In fact, it may make you squirm a little.

Even if you have never had to battle the disease yourself, there’s a good chance you know someone who has. The bottom line is that cancer robs the world of thousands of lives a year.

But this is not one of those stories. In fact, it’s not about cancer at all, really. It’s a story of the indomitable human will. Of ingenuity. Focus. Determination.

Indeed, it is an uplifting story about one survivor who has transformed her journey with cancer into a positive account of hope and courage!

Her Story

At the young age of 36, my friend, Heather Von St. James, was diagnosed with mesothelioma, a rare cancer with a low prognosis and few survivors.

This was heart-stopping news for the young woman. A new mother with a 3 ½ month old at home, a blossoming career, and a warm home with a wonderful husband, she had her whole life ahead of her and feared she was going to lose it all just like that.

Mesothelioma is a cancer caused by asbestos. She was exposed to it as a child while doing yard work in her father’s dusty work coat. The dust, it turned out, was asbestos. With a latency period of 20-50 years, Heather was very young to be diagnosed.

Her prognosis? A mere 15 months to live. Given that prognosis and the limited number of mesothelioma survivors to find hope in, Heather knew she had to find strength deep within to fight to survive for her daughter Lily, her husband Cam and, of course, herself.

She simply was not going to surrender to this violent intruder without a fight.

It was then that Heather decided to take a somewhat experimental treatment route including the removal of her left lung, a rib, part of her diaphragm, and the lining of her heart and lung, and a chemotherapy cocktail wash of her chest and abdomen before being stitched up.

This was followed by weeks of chemotherapy and radiation.

And lots of pain.

Treatment was draining, to say the least, but Heather fought through it always with the end goal of surviving. She was going to watch Lily grow up. There was no acceptable alternative.

The support of her husband and parents was also essential. They were there to not only take care of Lily so Heather could focus on her health, but also as a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen when the pain, the fear, even terror, were especially strong.

In the end, the pain and exhaustion she was subjected to was worth it because Heather is surviving and thriving, 11 years later, having officially outlived her 10-year best-case-scenario on February 2, the anniversary of her surgery! Humorously named Lung Leavin’ Day by her sister, this anniversary has been celebrated every year for the past 10 years as a way to celebrate cancer survivors!

This day best exemplifies how Heather dealt with the fear and pain of mesothelioma cancer and lit up the darkest time of her life with hope.

Each year friends and family from all over gather at Heather’s home to write their fears on glass plates and smash them into a bonfire. This symbolic act of defiance recognizes that many fears are imagined to be worse than they actually are, and that with enough courage and support, it is possible to overcome even our deepest and darkest fears!

Guests find it very therapeutic and empowering to watch something that has had such a hold on them burn up in the fire. In fact, you can participate by smashing your own fears here!

Lung Leavin’ Day also serves as a day to celebrate cancer survivors and connect them with current patients who may need a friendly face to talk through their shared experiences with.

Never finding a survivor to speak with herself, this is very important to Heather to not only share her story and show that hope and survival are possible, but also to address any questions and fears the patient may be having.

As an advocate, Heather works tirelessly throughout the year to spread awareness about mesothelioma and to get asbestos banned. Lung Leavin’ Day is one avenue through which she accomplishes this. Being a rare cancer with about 3,000 new diagnoses a year, there isn’t much funding for mesothelioma when compared to other cancers.

Over the past 10 years an incredible $30,000 has been raised for research through Lung Leavin’ Day! This year Heather set the goal at $11,000 to celebrate beating her prognosis.

Hopefully, you have gained a sense of how special this story is. Faced with such a difficult and unpromising situation, Heather used her strength and determination to be there for her family to survive and now she is giving back by supporting other patients.

Heather is the survivor other patients can find hope in that she didn’t have when she began the battler of her life 11 years ago..

Key takeaways for your happiness

1. A supportive group is essential to surviving great challenges. So don’t be afraid to lean on those who love you. And be that person to someone you love, even if you don’t know what to say or how to say it at first. Just love them and serve them and be there for them. The rest will work itself out.

2. Be willing to try what has never or seldom been tried before. When met with difficulties that don’t bend to convention, go unconventional and do what needs to be done. This is not only true in health, but in business and happiness as well. Perhaps it’s true that convention usually works just fine. But when it doesn’t, don’t be afraid of driving off road for a while.

3. Persevere. Endure. Persist. White-knuckle through the most painful and demoralizing times. There is always light at the end of dark tunnels. Hold out hope. Continue. Pain will ease. Challenges will be overcome. Heartbreak will eventually be replaced by joy. Don’t give up. Ever.

4. Make meaning out of your pain. Find purpose in your heartache. Discover the reason you went through your challenge. Then use it to bless others. Trials and tribulations shrink in the wake of using your experiences to serve and lift those who are similarly finding it difficult to endure their own.

Happiness is not the absence of great challenge. It is the result of how we choose to respond to life’s difficulties. It is the afterglow of the way we approach them. It is the byproduct of the way we live our lives more than the way life presents itself.

Emily Walsh is the community outreach director for the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance, a resource to help people who have been diagnosed with mesothelioma and their families. Heather and Emily both work to promote mesothelioma awareness, support those affected by this cancer and aim to see asbestos banned. They have become close through their work while highlighting Heather’s journey and sharing her story as a source of inspiration and hope for those facing adversities like cancer. You can read more about Emily’s work on her blog!

Photo credit

In the 18^th century, the great thinkers of the Age of Enlightenment envisioned a world in which people are guided by reason, science and the pursuit of truth.

Although, since then, we’ve made significant progress in that direction, even today, many people fall prey to naive views and superstitions, as a result of indoctrination.

Indoctrination – the process of teaching others to accept a set of belief uncritically – is still prevalent today. It can come from families, communities, governments, churches or the old and new media. It is often done in a sturdy, sneaky and strategic manner, and it has a big impact.

So no matter your age or your country, it’s important to be well equipped to protect yourself against indoctrination. For this reason, based on my communication coaching experience and my psychology knowledge, I wanna share with you several effective ways to fight off any and all attempts of indoctrination.

1. Ask For Evidence

People around you will make all sorts of claims, and just expect you to accept them as true, simply because they made them. Unfortunately, many of us are conditioned from a young age to do just that: accept whatever others claim, as if they always know better than us.

You wanna reverse this tendency. And the way to do this is by getting used to regularly questioning the accuracy of people’s claims, and, when you have reasons to doubt it, asking them for evidence that supports them. If they fail to provide good evidence (which they will often do), then you have no good reason to believe their claims.

2. Reject Faith-Based Beliefs

When pressed for evidence for their claims, many folks will often invoke faith. They’ll say you just have to have faith that what they state is true, implying that faith is a virtue.

But faith is not a virtue, and I see no good reason to see it as one. Essentially, as philosophy and critical thinking professor Peter Boghossian puts it, faith means pretending to know things you don’t know.

Indeed, faith is not a true, reliable way to obtain accurate knowledge about the world, only to imagine you have that knowledge. So whenever somebody asks you to believe something based of faith, I suggest you refuse to do so and keep asking for evidence.

3. Study the Opposing View

Sometimes, people will provide some proof for their claims. Many times though, the proof will only seem convincing until you read or hear the evidence of the opposing side as well.

This is why, when deciding on an issue, it’s crucial to study both sides of the argument, drawing your information from knowledgeable and credible sources, before making up your mind.

For example: I recently learned about a supposed method to predict market trends and make good financial investments, based on something called Kondratiev waves.

The method seemed solid initially, until I looked up what the skeptics have to say about it. I found their counterarguments to be even more solid, and thus my trust in K-waves predictions never truly developed. Rightfully, I’d say.

4. Be Wary of Persuasion by Repetition

Indoctrination often relies on the persistent repetition, over and over again, of the same unproven claims.

Unfortunately, this approach does seem to work fairly well. There are quite a few psychological studies that show the simple repetition of a message, without the addition of new arguments to it, does make it feel more believable over time. Call it a glitch in how we humans process information.

To protect yourself from this glitch, you need to pay attention to messages you hear or read over and over again, and remind yourself that mere repetition does not change an idea’s truth value. Keep yourself vigilant to and cautions of attempts at persuasion by repetition.

5. Be Wary of Appeals to Popularity

Another common indoctrination tactic is the appeal to popularity (aka appeal to majority). This is when somebody tries to make an idea seem true by invoking the large number of people who believe it. Involuntarily, we are frequently tempted to give an idea credence just because it’s commonly believed, or to cave in to social pressure and adopt the beliefs of the majority.

Again, awareness of this tendency is the best way to resist it. Bear in mind that the mass appeal of an idea is not in any way a good indicator of the accuracy of that idea. So many times, the majority has bought into really dumb ideas.

Also, work on improving your social confidence, to be better able to resist any form of social pressure. Check out this instructional video I created to learn how to develop your social confidence effectively, using my proven cognitive-behavioral strategy.

6. Practice Sound Reasoning

Ultimately, the best tool for protecting yourself against indoctrination is your ability to practice sound reasoning and critical thinking. It allows you to exorcise any bad ideas you’ve held so far, and it creates a thick barrier against other bad ideas coming in.

You develop your ability for sound reasoning by studying logic, learning about the scientific method, understanding the principles of proper reasoning, and putting this into practice in your day to day life, as you get exposed to a variety of ideas and you reflect on them.

In today’s fast paced world, in which we get exposed to heaps of information every single day, it’s not easy to take the time to research incoming data properly, to analyze it critically and to reject it if proven false or unsubstantiated.

But this is the only way to defend yourself against indoctrination and stay in charge of your own beliefs. By staying in charge of your own beliefs, you stay in charge of your own decisions. And by staying in charge of your own decisions, you stay in charge of your own life.

For more help on developing rational thinking skills and improving your impact in communication please join me on my free social success newsletter.

Note: “Letters of Love from Above” will be a series of letters that I would imagine a loving Heavenly Father might write to you, His dear child. If you are uncomfortable with that notion, imagine Life, or The Universe, Truth or Karma, Mother Earth, Mother Teresa, or Mother Goose, for that matter, is writing the letter. But for me, it is a loving God reaching down to His sons and daughters as I would imagine that reach looking like in words.

My Dear Child,

Are you happy? Are you truly, really, deeply happy? Can you experience what might be called Soul Satisfaction? Are you at peace?

Is your heart filled with love? Do you wake up grateful for the opportunity to live yet another day? Are you driven to make a difference? Are you growing and developing and stretching as you pursue a good life? Do you enjoy your life and feel blessed to be alive?

I want that for you more than you can possibly know. I want you to wake up excited about life, hopeful for your future, in love with those around you, living a life of purpose, meaning, joy and goodness.

Do you wonder why I care so much about your happiness? Perhaps you have heard that all I care about is how good or obedient you are. Well, it’s true that I care about your goodness and your willing adherence to eternal truths.

Life is simply lived better that way. You can then steer clear of moral and spiritual obstacles and the needless heartache that accompanies falling off moral cliffs with all the attendant spiritual and emotional ramifications of such falls.

But I also care very deeply about the amount of joy you experience. I care about your happiness.

And for two very good reasons.

1. You are my child, made in my image.

How could I not care about your happiness? My perfect love for you yearns for it. My love drives my desire that you live an elevated life of joy.

But happiness exists only at the end of correct principles applied correctly. In other words, I can’t cause your happiness without violating My nature, eternal principles and universal Truths.

I won’t frustrate the very purpose of your existence here. That would make me less than I Am. It would also prevent you from becoming all that you can become.

You are here to learn, to grow, to practice living a good life, after all. I can point the way, of course, but can’t give you what you didn’t earn.

Otherwise, your happiness would be but a false image of something that needs to become a living part of you, the natural expression of who you are, to have any lasting power.

To give you happiness as an unearned and undeveloped gift is to paint you something you haven’t yet become.

It would be like giving you an income without a job or muscles without exercise, or wisdom without experience or knowledge without effort. The foundation to sustain the gift would never be developed. And so the gift would ultimately crumble to ashes.

I would not rob you of the growth that precedes happiness as it’s properly sought. As you work on your happiness, you evolve, you develop, you change. You become something you weren’t. Your personality is refined and your character is honed.

Only then can you become a happy person, rather than just a person who periodically experiences happiness.

Do you see the difference?

A person who experiences happiness is dependent on life circumstances that arrange themselves such that you are made happy. Outside forces deliver the happy moment.

But a happy person takes their happiness into life’s experiences, internalizing the principles of happiness, living them even when life’s circumstances don’t arrange themselves so happily.

So, I can guide you, inspire you, comfort and strengthen you on your journey when you feel vulnerable, weak or lost. But I can’t produce inside of you what you haven’t created.

As my child, I want what is best for you. And happiness is certainly best for you. But it can only be developed, not gifted, not created from nothing, not poured into you like so much water poured into a flask.

(Follow this link to read more about 7 basic habits that are commonly shared by the happiest people)

But there’s another reason I care so much about how happy you are.

2. Happiness is more than an emotional good; Happiness is a moral good.

Here’s the truth no one likes to say out loud: Happy people are more likely to be good people.

Happy people tend to be more patient and loving, more generous, giving and kind.

Happy people are better children and better parents than their unhappy counterparts. They are more likely to be better employers and employees, better grandparents, friends and neighbors.

Happy parents, for example, don’t yell at their children as much. They are more patient, spend more time with them and are kinder to their children than depressed, anxious, frustrated or chronically angry parents.

Happy parents have the emotional wherewithal to be in the moment with and for their kids, enjoying them, focused on them, teaching them, loving them, forgiving them, being patient with their missteps, overlooking their idiosyncrasies, celebrating their accomplishments, creating a safe place for them to fall down, mess things up and otherwise falter on their way to mastery, improvement, growth and maturity.

It’s not that unhappy people are bad people, mind you, but that they do not have the emotional presence to deal effectively with frustrating circumstances.

And so happy people are more likely to raise happier children who will more likely than not, raise happier children in turn, who then will have a greater likelihood of living more rewarding lives doing more good to more people.

I hope you can now clearly see the connection, that happiness is more than a happiness thing. It’s more than feelings. It’s more than an issue that merely affects your emotional state. It’s more than a personal issue of the heart.

It’s a moral issue. It’s a character issue.

Happiness affects how we think and how we act. It affects our relationships, our productivity and our ability to to see and care about the needs of others.

Unhappy people are paradoxically consumed with themselves, which is an inherently selfish way to live. The world revolves around them, their feelings, how others are treating them, how others are responsible for their unhappiness.

Happy people, on the other hand, are more giving, more compassionate, more charitable, and more loving.

People treat others worse when they are unhappy. They treat others better when they are filled with joy.

It is easier being married to a happy person than a depressed or angry one. It is easier being the son or daughter of a happy dad than it is to an angry father.

Homes are filled with an entirely different spirit when parents are fulfilled, satisfied, confident, loving and kind—all components of a happy life.

There is, therefore, a moral obligation I place on you to seek out happiness, to search for the principles upon which happiness is the natural outcome, and to actively work to develop those traits and characteristics within you.

(Click here to read about those character traits that are needed for a happy life)

A Nudge, Not a Judgement

Please don’t interpret this letter as a guilt trip. I know that some will. But I can’t hide the truth because some may read into it what I never intended.

This is a letter of motivation. It is a map that places your happiness at its center. It is a light in the flickering darkness boldly proclaiming that life was never meant to stay dark.

It is a nudge in the right direction, one that accepts the reality of life—that happiness matters tremendously, that your happiness matters tremendously, and that it matters because I care about you and because I care about those who interact with you.

And so I want you to be happy for your own sake … and for others’.

Here to Help

But as you seek joy, don’t forget that I am here to help guide you along the way.

I will unfold the path to happiness as you step out into the dimly lit path that leads to it. I will inspire you and uplift you and remind you and take you by the hand to lead you to more happiness than you ever thought possible.

Have faith in Me and you will find the power to have more faith in yourself.

It’s Your Mountain to Climb

But you have to do the walking. You have to do the climbing. You can’t pray for happiness, then sit on the couch watching TV until I come to your front door and hand you the gift.

It can’t work that way.

But as you develop the traits that produce happiness, you’ll realize you would never truly want it in any other way.

It will take work. Sometimes you will want to give up. Your heart may ache. Your mind may hurt. Your soul may gasp for air.

But remember, your path to happiness is taking you through rough territory, on a journey to self-discovery, self-mastery, and self-development. You are forging a character. And character is only ultimately forged in the furnace of great heat.

I will lighten your burden as you reach out to me and ask for guidance, but your spiritual and moral and emotional muscles must be exercised, developed and strengthened as you do the work of happiness.

Please don’t be too discouraged as you do that work, because it is work. Just as physical muscles don’t grow over night, so emotional maturity, spiritual awareness, character development, and happiness take time too.

So be patient and take it a step at a time.

A Promise

In the end, as you pursue more happiness by developing greater patience, love, forgiveness and kindness, find more purpose and meaning in your life, and fill your thoughts will gratitude, the door to your happiness will open.

You will then see the glimmer of sunlight. And then you will be able to open what may have been locked or only partially seen by you before. Then the door to happiness will be flung open widely. Then you will see clearly what you have been missing all along.

And then you will be truly, really, deeply happy.

I care passionately about your happiness. Now you know why. I hope that matters to you. But more importantly, I hope you do something about it.

I’ll be waiting behind that door for you when you come knocking.

With more Love than you can imagine,
Father.

(Please let me know what you think in the comments below)

Photo credit

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